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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
Sugarice · 08/02/2013 16:14

Well done for putting her straight.

How dare she assume she could manipulate the situation to suit her.

What a cowbag!

squeaver · 08/02/2013 16:14

Well done.

DuchessFanny · 08/02/2013 16:15

So rude !!

Absolutel brass neck of her, good text response btw !

ihearsounds · 08/02/2013 16:15

I would not be very honest and tell her the truth. You dont want to becasue she is a piss taker with mo concept of time. and mo respect of oter people amd especially not her dd. The last time she was very upset and you are not prepared for this to happen again.

If you give in, be very clear she fucks up and is late she can collect her child from the police station because you will consider her abandoned.

Bearbehind · 08/02/2013 16:16

What a bitch. Don't worry about the text you've sent, it was spot on.

She is trying to blackmail you by making you feel bad. If she really had told her daughter that she was totally in the wrong as she had already told her daughter she would have to go the the party with her brother as you had already said no.

If she then told her daughter you'd have her, when you had twice said no, she has to deal with it (shame for the daughter though)

Flisspaps · 08/02/2013 16:17

I love you.

Please don't regret sending it.

She's clearly got the hide of a fucking rhino. I doubt even that text will put her off asking again in about an hour.

Magdalenebaby · 08/02/2013 16:19

Well done!
Marking place here to see if she replies!

Sugarice · 08/02/2013 16:19

Don't back down, you are not responsible for sorting her childcare arrangements out.

slatternlymother · 08/02/2013 16:19

Been lurking on this thread being Angry for you OP. I've been taken advantage of too; she sounds horrible.

Well done for texting that back! I hope she has the decency to look embarrassed. It's hardly your fault she's promised something she can't deliver! That's just another show of her poor parenting.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/02/2013 16:19

Well done for sending that text, Stormforce. She needed telling.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 08/02/2013 16:21

Well done! I don't think I've ever seen such a fab outcome on a thread!

So proud of you!

hellsbellsmelons · 08/02/2013 16:22

I did cheer!!! Well done. Sometimes these people need to be told the truth, they'll never change otherwise.
Don't back down now!!!!
Woohooo - you go!
Love it!

manicbmc · 08/02/2013 16:23

Give it half an hour and she'll either try more guilt tripping or she will send you a tirade saying how upset you have made her and what a bitch you are.

pluCaChange · 08/02/2013 16:24

I'm going to regret that aren't i?

Why would you regret it? Surely you'd only regret her taking advantage of you, again!

FeckOffCup · 08/02/2013 16:25

Fucking hell, the nerve of some people, you're a better person than me OP as I would have told her where to go after the first begging text when you had already said no. Well done for sticking to your guns.

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes · 08/02/2013 16:25

Well done what a manipulative bitch!!!!

HecateWhoopass · 08/02/2013 16:25

Bloody well done! I was WILLING you to tell her the truth. And you did.

Good for you.

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes · 08/02/2013 16:26

After reading your first message I thought well no? Wonder no one else will have her!

WankbadgersBreakfast · 08/02/2013 16:26

Whoo! Awesome text, op! Shit, I was late by ten minutes once and couldn't stop apologising- three hours is inconceivable.

TakingTheStairs · 08/02/2013 16:27

Good for you! Please do let us know what happens as I'm really nosy

TheMightyLois · 08/02/2013 16:27

Wow, well done! I'm impressed!

The only reason people get away with behaviour like this is because people let them. She needed telling Grin

(Do update with her reply thougj, won't you Grin )

jumpingjackhash · 08/02/2013 16:27

Good on you! If you hadn't been so clear, I bet she'd just keep pestering you on this and put you in a really awkward situation on the day.

EldritchCleavage · 08/02/2013 16:28

Oh, excellent. Now stand firm if you get another text trying to guilt you over being so blunt. In fact, no need to answer any more texts I think!

LifeofPo · 08/02/2013 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VenusRising · 08/02/2013 16:29

Well, I hope you won't regret losing your rag.
Just think you'll be painted as the bad mum now to her DD.
Hope this doesn't affect your Dds relationship.

Make sure you DO have something nice to do to with your DD, just the two of you!

Good luck with it.
In my mind you are right to set your boundaries after the last breach.

I also have a mum who turns up at 8 pm to pick up after a play date - five hours later......
I've told my Dd that we can't have her friend Y over again as her mum is so late to pick up and it's too disruptive, to what we need to do - like, BED TIME!!!

I encourage my Dds relationship with her friend though - its not her fault that her mum is a ditz/ lazy caaah who doesn't want to be with her, and happily farms her out.

Some mums, eh?!