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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report DH for drink driving?

185 replies

Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:08

Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.

It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.

He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.

Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.

Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.

WWYD?

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 16/01/2013 21:10

Yes, they will be interested. And yes you're going to get a 100 people saying report him.

I would tell him you were serious, disagreed with what he was doing and tell him you were going to report him.

Twattybollocks · 16/01/2013 21:13

I would think how i would feel if he killed or injured someone, and then report him. It's incredibly difficult when it's a family member, but he is risking peoples lives with his behaviour. I'm pretty sure you can report anonymously.

MsVestibule · 16/01/2013 21:14

Yes, I think you should. If it is something he does regularly, there is a reasonably high chance that he will have an accident at some point, possibly a fatal one.

Tax evasion, fraud etc. - all things I can see spouses would be reluctant to report them to the police for, as the fallout for them could be massive.

Oh, and the police will be interested. I was going to ask if it means he will lose his job, but TBH, it's just not relevant when you think of the potential alternative. Could you live with yourself if he killed somebody?

scurryfunge · 16/01/2013 21:15

Phone Crimestoppers.

AnEventfulEvening · 16/01/2013 21:16

If he's doing it. I'll put money on him not being the only one...

So I very much doubt it will be a waste of police time.

lockets · 16/01/2013 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 16/01/2013 21:17

If you've done everything else to try and convince him then yes I would. He's either going to kill himself or someone else.

Original poster
Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:17

Thank you. I sort of know I have to do this. I simply could not live with myself if he kills someone and I knew it was likely to happen and did nothing.

He is self employed and will not be able to work without his license but I earn enough to support both of us. I would rather do that than see him kill or injure himself or someone else.

OP posts:
Loie159 · 16/01/2013 21:18

What MsVestibule said........ Whilst it might seem awful for you to report your own DH, you have tried talking to him and are just not getting through. Not trying to freak you out but think about what would happen if tonight he crashes , hurts himself , hurts someone else..... If it were me I would feel guilty forever. He is a shit got doing it and a shit for putting you in such a horrid position.

Original poster
Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:18

eventful that is a good point, yes I think some of the others do it too

OP posts:
Original poster
Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:19

Thanks Loie, yes he is a shit for putting me in this position ...

OP posts:
twinklesparkles · 16/01/2013 21:20

:(

How disgusting.. Report him soon, preferably when you know he's out in car, ring 999. So they can catch him in the act

RandallPinkFloyd · 16/01/2013 21:21

Yep, I'd do it in a heartbeat, whatever the consequences for me.

Don't care of that makes me sound all righteous. It's true. There is never ever an excuse for drink driving but to do it repeatedly and knowingly?

In all honesty, and I NEVER say this, I have no idea how you're still married to him.

Absolutely disgusting and unforgivable.

RandallPinkFloyd · 16/01/2013 21:22

I have to ask, how long has this been going on and for how long have you been condoning it?

HollyBerryBush · 16/01/2013 21:22

Would you confess to him you reported him?

bureni · 16/01/2013 21:25

He could put you in a worse position by not reporting him, what if he hits someone? . He if wants to act like a dickhead then treat him like one and report him.

Shutupanddrive · 16/01/2013 21:27

Report him! Hopefully it will be the wake up call he needs

Pourquoimoi · 16/01/2013 21:27

I'd give him a warning that if he does it again you will report him and stick to it.
Having had a close friend killed by a drunk driver leaving a wife and two under 5s alone several years back, I can't stand anyone who drinks and drives.

Know that you personally will also suffer social stigma by association. Sad for you but true.

Casmama · 16/01/2013 21:27

Randall the OP has made it clear that she doesn't condone it so I hope you are not asking in order to have a go.

2old2beamum · 16/01/2013 21:30

Poor you what a choice but better to report him committing the crime before killing someone or himself, he would probably just lose his licence rather than a life. BE BRAVE

Original poster
Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:32

Thanks Casmama

Randall I do not condone it otherwise I wouldn't be reporting him would I?

FWIW he told me he had stopped driving home drunk. Last week I was up when he got home and it became clear he was pissed and he admitted he had been doing it for years. I was really shocked.

I have just spoken to crime stoppers and given them the details of the car.

Thanks for your support.

OP posts:
McNewPants2013 · 16/01/2013 21:32

report him.

Original poster
Mycatrocks · 16/01/2013 21:33

Holly I don't know ... Haven't quite got to working that out yet!

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/01/2013 21:35

You did the right thing. He's an irresponsible arse.

Loie159 · 16/01/2013 21:35

Well done..... The hard but right choice ... UnMN hugs !