To report DH for drink driving?

[Mycatrocks]

Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.

It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.

He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.

Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.

Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.

WWYD?

Thank you for reading.

[PandaOnAPushBike]

It takes a lot of courage to report a family member for drink driving. I wish more people were courageous. My uncle was an officer in the RAF, he was killed by a drunk driver 3 days before he was due to get married. I was very young at the time and all I remember was having wedding cake at the wake. The grief tore his family apart and my grandparents divorced the following year, after 35+ years of marriage. This was over 30 years ago and I know my mum still waits for him to come home.

[Mycatrocks]

Maureen yes I know and no it's not ok with our routine. But we'll just have to manage if that does happen. Using public transport seems an easier option than living with myself knowing I could have prevented death or injury.

[Mycatrocks]

panda so sad. I am so sorry. Makes me feel I have done the right thing though ...

[RandallPinkFloyd]

You did absolutely the right thing op. He's been very very lucky that they let him off, just being near your car and in position of your car keys can be enough to state intent to drive.

Hopefully he realises just how lucky he's been and sorts himself out.

Don't ever feel any doubt over just how important what you did is. By sticking to your principles and doing what's right not what's easy you have potentially saved lives.

Whatever the future holds you know just how strong you can be.

[LizzieVereker]

Well done OP, I think you did that right thing and you're very brave. Not everyone would have the courage to do what you did, thank you.

[MurderOfGoths]

Zavi If he hadn't actually started driving then he could reasonably claim he wasn't drunk driving, so they could only read him the riot act.

[fourfingerkitkat]

Not an easy position to be in. I did the same with my own brother a few months back. You did the right thing.

[ToomuchWaternotWine]

OP you did the right thing and hopefully this is enough to get your 'd'h to stop for ever now. Well done.

[Stinkyminkymoo]

I'm glad you reported him. I worked with someone who got in a car with a drunk driver. He lost control of the car and crashed. She became paralysed from the waist down. Ruined her life and that of her daughter who went off the rails as a young teen as she couldn't cope with the fall out.

It's not just if you actually kill someone, it's also if you nearly do.

[BattlingFanjos]

OP you have so done the right thing, well done you! I hope it deters him in the future.

My ex's dad used to drive drunk every Friday. He would leave work (in work's van) and visit several pubs on the way home, all driving while completely trollied. My ex knew (i didn't) we were 15 and he reported him once nothing came of it. It wasn't until his dad hit and killed a young girl that I found out. His wife knew what he was doing, so did his workplace and NO ONE reported him except his 15 year old son once who was terrified of him! There is no excuse for it, horrendous behaviour

[BattlingFanjos]

10 years on I'm still and for the girls' family and his poor son

[AnyFucker]

Zavi...the correct course of action if you suspect trollery is to report to HQ

Some of us have been banned for less (when it really was a troll, actually)

[BumpingFuglies]

Zavi OP said she has just found out he has been doing it historically.

Doubt thee not and if still in doubt, report, as AF says.

[Bogeyface]

This was the second time that she knew he was doing it Zavi. And if this was me I think I would have name changed especially if my husband knew my username.

[Mycatrocks]

zavi I didn't say he has only done it twice - don't know where you got that from? Maybe when I said that I thought he had stopped but realised he drove drunk last week and then was planning to do it again last night?

Also, he didn't come out of a pub. And he came out alone. So that's why his mates weren't tested. Also not sure if any of them had their cars with them, the place they go is right next to a train station and on a bus route, which is I assume how he convinced the police he wasn't going to drive. I can give you the OS grid ref if you don't believe me.

I didn't realise I had to outline every detail to prove I am not making it up. If I have left out anything pertinent then I think it's probably because I just reported my husband, had to to deal with the fact that he is an irresponsible twat and that this may well end our marriage as I hate what he's done. So, y'know, soz.

Wow, can't believe you think anyone would make up the last 24hrs ... It's been truly horrendous.



Thank you to everyone else for your support. DH is still pretty contrite. I am hoping it will last.

[Mycatrocks]

And yes I have name changed because DH does know my username

[Lora1982]

Ive not read the whole thread but i reported my boyfriend for taking my car when he was drunk (we'd had a huge row) anyway they came he was arrested i didnt press charges for takin the car and they had a shop receipt to provr he had driven. Everyone i spoke to said i was right to do it he and his friends never forgave me though. Rid of him now anyway the twat.

[Mycatrocks]

lora thanks, helps to know other people have done something similar. I know now it was the right thing to do long term, I just suspect it's going to make the short term pretty crap. At least I stopped him driving home drunk last night, doesn't feel like much but hopefully it's a start!

[BelieveInPink]

Brave, OP. You did the right thing.

Here's hoping it's the shock he needs.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Please don't say it doesn't feel like much. It's a lot believe me.

I feel for you I really do, I can only imagine how sh'll-shocked you must feel now the adrenaline is dying down.

What you must remember though is what's important. And that's not what you have found out about your husband, but what you've found out abut yourself.

[maddening]

If dh heeds the warning then you couldn't have had a better outcome - well done op:)

[cumfy]

So sorry you're having to do all this.

I'm sure police quite deliberately ensured he did not drive.

[Mycatrocks]

Thank you!

I do have a bit of an update ... H is looking into buying a breathalyser. I am in two minds about this - on the one hand, I think he just shouldn't bloody drink at all if he's going to drive; on the other, I think at least it's better than doing nothing. I appreciate that it is ok to have a bit to drink as long as he stays within the legal limit but I also think that if one has a problem with drinking, it's easier just to abstain totally.

I suspect he is overestimating how much he can drink while staying within the legal limit so maybe after he has tried it a few times and seen how little he can have (compared to what he normally has), he might start getting cabs or not drinking.

Thanks again for your posts, I was feeling very isolated and you've all helped me get a decent perspective on it