To report DH for drink driving?

[Mycatrocks]

Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.

It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.

He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.

Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.

Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.

WWYD?

Thank you for reading.

[Dawndonna]

Back in the eighties I had a friend who was at Imperial College. Really bright, clever and funny. Thanks to the drunken arse in a mini that came off Hammersmith flyover, he now can't walk, talk or wipe his own arse. He has the mental capacity of a five year old. He was going to be a research scientist. Could have saved millions of lives, but some drunken twat......


You really did do the right thing OP.

[spiritedaway]

Crime stoppers obviously can't do anything except arrest him and question him and i don't even know if they would, but if you tell him you have reported him and given his registration then it could flag up and they would pull him. This really lays down how serious you are and if he does it again on his head be it. Tell him. He won't get charged without a breath test. If he does it again you could 999 him and he will think it was flagged, but job done if he calls your bluff.

[Goldmandra]

OP, the important thing is that you have taken action to stop him. Only you can decide whether to tell him that you reported him.

A few months back one of my DD's friends was badly injured in her mum's car when it was hit by a drunk driver. She was within a whisker of not making it several times and is now walking round with a big metal halo holding her head still while her broken neck heals.

The drunk driver is well known to us. He had offended before and it seems clear that there were others around him that day who couldn't fail to know he was unfit to drive. He made a habit of it, was already drunk and was driving to a pub to drink some more. There is no public transport so he obviously intended to drive home again.

If just one of those people had reported him in the months/years before the accident this girl and her family would have been saved a terrible trauma.

You could very well have saved the lives of a few people including your DH, people you care about who could be travelling with him and other innocent children.

[spiritedaway]

Oops . Should have flipped thread. Well done OP. No need to fess up. Job done. :))

[Mycatrocks]

Wow thank you for your posts and for still checking in.

I am so sad for those of you who know people killed or injured by drunk drivers. I just don't get it myself. I don't drive even if I have only had half a glass of wine because I know it does have an impact on my reactions.

I have a horrid feeling his friends just don't bother saying anything because they all think he's going to be fine. After doing it so long so regularly, I think they all have a false sense of security.

PIL and two of DH's aunts have all been prosecuted for drunk driving - they all think it's hilarious. DH says he is shocked by their attitude but then it looks like he feels the same way. I want to show them all your posts about people being hurt or killed by people who got behind the wheel while drunk - presumably all of those pissed drivers also thought they would be totally fine.

hiding I am so pleased things worked out for you after your chat.

DH has just gone to pick his car up. Interestingly, he left it until he was totally sure there was no alcohol left in his system. I hope it's not a one off.

[Goldmandra]

Well he may find that the odd bored officer turns up around closing time now and then just to do a quick check in case his good intentions fade with time.

[popcornpaws]

But you have condoned it in the past if you have previously had the discussion!
I would leave my Dh in a heartbeat if he ever done that, I know first hand the pain and devastation these selfish bastards cause.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Phew! Good for you. If he starts up again, I think you can assume he has an issue with his drinking. For now, I hope he has earned his lesson.

[Veritate]

I suggest you point out to him that the police now have his car's details on their system and will be looking out for him, particularly in the evenings. That might reinforce the idea that he just mustn't take that risk again.

[ilovesprouts]

Well done - I think drink driving is a sickening, selfish thing too many ppl are killed by drink drivers

[Writehand]

No one confronts a drink problem (which this is) while someone else is willing to cover up for them. So good for you, OP.

Knowing that he's drunk driving and doing nothing is called "enabling". Every time someone cleans up vomit or phones their DH's work to tell them he's too hungover to work ill or ignores their DH's drink-driving, they're enabling. Enabling means promoting and supporting the drinker's addiction. This is a really common mistake, and most families of problem drinkers do it to some extent.

Drinkers only face the truth when those around them stop providing alibis. And of course, if you hadn't reported him and he then killed someone you'd always blame yourself a bit.

[sashh]

Well done OP.

Don't forget to remind him that if the police have almost caught someone they tend to go back to the same pub again.

[divocingtime]

I'm surprised he wasn't arrested.

I know people who have been, its called drunk in charge of a vehicle.

And I wonder how many people who drink a bottle of wine at night realise they could still be over the limit until about midday.

And I know people who been charged for that as well.

[DSM]

As another who had a friend killed by a drunk driver (at age 24 - thankfully the driver is in jail now) I just want to also say well done for what you did. A very difficult situation but you did the right thing.

Well done, and good luck for whatever happens.

[Mycatrocks]

Thanks all for your posts ... I am feeling a bit shaky myself tbh! But you have all convinced me that I did the right thing.

And thanks for the tips about telling him the police have him on their system and know where the pub is.

popcornpaws I don't see how I have condoned it? When I met him he said he used to drive while drunk but had realised how stupid it was so didn't do it any more. I found out when he got home last week that this wasn't true. Last night was the first night since then that I knew, despite my attempts to dissuade him, that he was going to do it again. How exactly have I condoned it...?

[MaureenShit]

You know he'll be banned for a year? That's ok with your family routine?

[MaureenShit]

Suprised the police didn't do him for drunk in charge tbh.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

cloudpuff where was your DH parked in relation to where he'd been drinking and where you live?

[Goldmandra]

You know he'll be banned for a year? That's ok with your family routine?

Are you criticising the OP for putting people's lives before her family routine?

[cloudpuff]

chipping he was a away at a two day festival type event, the car was parked on the camping section which was essentialy a field. He had had quite a lot to drink and was planning on sleeping in the tent but a fight broke out which dh tried to stop and got half his ear bitten off and a good kicking in the process so he went to hide on the back seat of the car (at the event part) and fell asleep, an hour or so later the police woke him up.
The police removed his keys and didnt close the car door properly so it wasnt secure he got back to the car the next day a lot of expensive equipment relating to the event had been stolen and the car battery was flat.

[cloudpuff]

the car was parked at the event bit in the next field and dh was planning on sleeping in his tent (also stolen) on the camping section. Sorry for any confusion.

[MaureenShit]

No. Just checking she realized.

[Goldmandra]

Fair enough.

I'm lad to hear that because I'd hate to think someone would refrain from reporting a drink driver in order to avoid disrupting their family routine.

My friend's family routine was dreadfully disrupted when her DD was in a coma in a hospital 20 miles away for 2 weeks.

[specialsubject]

OP - result! Thanks to you and the police, nobody died, was hurt or took a risk, including your husband. You may have saved more than one life.

let's hope he realises this too. good luck.