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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About MIL popping over?

187 replies

PurpleCrutches · 06/01/2013 17:46

So today we've been really busy - shopping this morning/early afternoon, we got back, had lunch, then been doing various bits and pieces round the house.

MIL lives a street away from us.

About half an hour ago she turned up - at the time the living room was a state because DH is sorting out his aquarium (he has to move furniture when he does this) and I was trying to entertain the DCs while prepping the dinner. I answered the door, said hi, and asked what's up. She said, "oh, nothing, just thought I'd pop over."

I said that we were a bit busy atm and indicated the carnage around me. She looked very hurt and said, I did text you earlier but you didn't reply. I said well yes, we've been busy all day, I didn't hear my phone go off.

She still stayed for 10 mins, and then made a big show and dance about leaving, because we're so busy, we have so much better things to do, etc etc.

Now I never go to hers without texting or ringing first. If she doesn't answer I assume she's not available.

WIBU to tell her we were busy? Was it rude? She's done this before, always when we're eating/prepping dinner, or when we're putting the kids to bed. I've never said anything before, but I knew it was her when the doorbell went, and it really irritated me.

OP posts:
PandaOnAPushBike · 06/01/2013 18:05

I think it varies from person to person/family to family. I don't mind people popping over here but then I'm rubbish hostess and most people who do pop over make themselves at home (ie stick the kettle on themselves, help me with whatever chaos I'm hiding under etc)

NumericalMum · 06/01/2013 18:07

Is she lonely? I guess she could have helped entertain the DC while you prepped dinner?
I wouldn't live a street away from my Mil though :-S

mynewpassion · 06/01/2013 18:07

If you were that busy in this instance, I would have just let her entertain the kids while finishing prepping for dinner.

deleted203 · 06/01/2013 18:08

I think it was a little rude, TBH. But I don't know your MIL. I'm like Panda and would have siezed her by the arm and said, 'Fab - the house is a shit hole! Do me a favour and play with your grandkids whilst I get the tea sorted. I'll stick the kettle on when I get a minute'.

moomoomar · 06/01/2013 18:09

I think your we're abit rude. Would you have felt different if it was your mum rather than your MIL?

deleted203 · 06/01/2013 18:09

x posted....but we all seem to think we'd have shoved the DCs at her and carried on cooking, OP.

PurplePidjin · 06/01/2013 18:11

So you were doing 2 demanding things and dh was doing one pottering thing, yet you answered the door. You then had to entertain his mother.

Next time, you ignore the doorbell until he answers it. If you do answer it, you lead her straight to where dh is and excuse yourself to carry on with your jobs.

Or, you make a big deal and get him to have a word

doublecakeplease · 06/01/2013 18:12

What soworn said.

Fair play to moan if it's every day but if it's a one off then you could have indulged used her to babysit non issue really and i think you were a wee bit rude really.

SparkleSoiree · 06/01/2013 18:12

Makes sense really, wouldn't it to ask her to have the kids for ten mins? Grandparents love to feel helpful in relation to the kids, don't they?

If it were me and we had enough I would have invited her to stay for tea! But that's me and I love my MIL.. Grin

FredFredGeorge · 06/01/2013 18:13

I don't see anything wrong with popping in on someone you are close too if you're in the neighbourhood, it's not rude. But only if you're close enough that you don't need much "entertaining" - you can just take over entertaining the kids, sit there with a coffee you made yourself watching whatever is being done.

And no you weren't rude to say anything, but neither was she rude in anything she did.

Onezerozero · 06/01/2013 18:21

The answer is not to live a street away from people you don't fancy popping in.

GColdtimer · 06/01/2013 18:21

What the others said. Why couldn't you have asked her to entertain kids whilst you did dinner. My (late) mil used to pop in all the time and we just to shove the dcs at her.

SantasENormaSnob · 06/01/2013 18:22

I can see both sides here tbh.

We always have people calling unannounced and it really doesn't bother me.

I can see how others would find it rude and annoying though.

thebody · 06/01/2013 18:25

Bit hurtful op. if I were you I would ring her and explain the house was a mess and you were stressed.

I do get why you were miffed but agree with others you could have dragged her in and got her to help.

Don't make barriers over nothing.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 18:26

Couldn't you have let her entertain the kids fora bit? But it doesn't bother me at all when family come round.

CaptainVonTrapp · 06/01/2013 18:28

You weren't rude. But you could ff you know its her don't answer esp if dh is in. Or open the door and shout "dh your Mum's here" and say to her "oh he's just in the aquarium". Or give her the kids.

I think if you drop in somewhere unannounced you have to be prepared to muck in and not expect to sit down and have dinner served. Perhaps thats what she came round for?

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 18:30

I would have invited her to stay for dinner TBH

Narked · 06/01/2013 18:31

There's usually a split on here about people just popping in - some think it's fine others think it's rude. Having said that, you are so NBU. You've said you're busy, still had her in for 10 minutes and she makes a big song and dance about leaving. And she lives one street away. When you're that close geographically she needs to learn to back off.

ladymariner · 06/01/2013 18:32

I think it was a little rude, TBH. But I don't know your MIL. I'm like Panda and would have siezed her by the arm and said, 'Fab - the house is a shit hole! Do me a favour and play with your grandkids whilst I get the tea sorted. I'll stick the kettle on when I get a minute'.

Well said!

Chrysanthemum5 · 06/01/2013 18:33

If my ILs popped round and the house was a tip I'd probably feel a bit embarrassed at first but then I'd (hopefully) remember they were there to see us, not the house. I'd probably ask them to look after the children while I got on with things. But I really like my ILs which helps!

Narked · 06/01/2013 18:34

The poppers in are out in force. When you ring the bell I hide until you go away.

Amothersruin · 06/01/2013 18:35

YANBU-I would hate for my mil to "pop" over when she felt like it. I used to have to entertain them once a week at my house. Would turn up just after lunch and stay for bloody hours!! Didnt lift a finger to help,expected me to wait on them hand and foot and didnt take any hints to bugger off. I have now nipped these weekly visits in the bud.

Handy tip-dont answer the door the next time...

LindyHemming · 06/01/2013 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreylady · 06/01/2013 18:39

I'd have loved it.I do pop in to dd's if I am near I do usually ring/text first just to make sure they are in.If they had other visitors of course they would say and I wouldnt go but usually I feel very welcome.

Spatsky · 06/01/2013 18:39

She wasn't rude to knock on your door but your telling her you were busy was her cue to say she would see you another time and leave.

A bit baffled that people think that you are rude for not giving a warm welcome to someone who has just turned up unannounced. If you can't treat yourself to a bit of privacy when you want it in your own home, where can you?

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