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AIBU?

About MIL popping over?

187 replies

PurpleCrutches · 06/01/2013 17:46

So today we've been really busy - shopping this morning/early afternoon, we got back, had lunch, then been doing various bits and pieces round the house.

MIL lives a street away from us.

About half an hour ago she turned up - at the time the living room was a state because DH is sorting out his aquarium (he has to move furniture when he does this) and I was trying to entertain the DCs while prepping the dinner. I answered the door, said hi, and asked what's up. She said, "oh, nothing, just thought I'd pop over."

I said that we were a bit busy atm and indicated the carnage around me. She looked very hurt and said, I did text you earlier but you didn't reply. I said well yes, we've been busy all day, I didn't hear my phone go off.

She still stayed for 10 mins, and then made a big show and dance about leaving, because we're so busy, we have so much better things to do, etc etc.

Now I never go to hers without texting or ringing first. If she doesn't answer I assume she's not available.

WIBU to tell her we were busy? Was it rude? She's done this before, always when we're eating/prepping dinner, or when we're putting the kids to bed. I've never said anything before, but I knew it was her when the doorbell went, and it really irritated me.

OP posts:

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Agent64 · 06/01/2013 21:50

Purple I don't think you're the devil's spawn. You didn't handle it very well exactly what i would have done if I'd been harrassed but them there's the risks the poppers take.

FWIW I am not a popper - I would never call in on anyone unannounced.

Agent64 · 06/01/2013 21:53

Sorry, a bit harshly worded - you could maybe have handled it better is what I should have said.

MrsKeithRichards · 06/01/2013 21:59

Fucking hell I'm glad I've got welcoming friends and family and I love people popping g in. These people are my friends, I don't need 15 minutes notice to fix my hair and polish the crystal. I don't entertain guests, we catch up, have a cuppa and we take each other as we see them because we like each other!

allnewtaketwo · 06/01/2013 22:03

As the saying goes , you choose your friends.......

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:14

I rather like my family.

NamingOfParts · 06/01/2013 22:23

All the people saying they cant see the problem with popping in and expecting to be welcomed are proving exactly why it is a problem. Not everyone feels the same way.

OTTMummA · 06/01/2013 22:29

Ugh, nothing worse than a sodding popper inner. It's her own dam fault if she feels unwelcome! Wtaf was the point of texting and then just turning up without a response? :S what was she expecting? Is she so arrogant to think that an impromptu visit from her demands that you stop everything? If you have things to do, then you have things to do fgs!

OTTMummA · 06/01/2013 22:34

I like my family as well usual, my inlaws more so than most of my family, however I also like to know when they are coming round, or when they want to, or better yet, I like to invite people over, make their favourite cake/lunch and make sure I have some quality time to spend with them instead of finding them on my doorstep whilst I'm on my way out or am trying to do that one job/chore I have been putting off for x amount of time and have finally got the motivation to get on with it. Why can't people wait for an invite anymore?

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:35

She could have carried on doing what she was doing FGS. The MIL didn't demand op stopped what she was doing.

I wish people wouldn't make stuff up on here.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:37

My family can pop in whenever they like, we don't make formal appointments and if I'm busy they muck in and help or make the tea.

Theres no standing on ceremony in this house.

Salmotrutta · 06/01/2013 22:37

Because judging by some women's attitudes to their MILs (as evidenced on here) the MIL would be waiting until hell froze over before getting an invite ...

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:38

I'm so glad my grown up children don't send me an invitation to visit them.

Salmotrutta · 06/01/2013 22:39

Yes, at no point was it suggested that the MIL demanded everything stop for her.

Salmotrutta · 06/01/2013 22:41

Do you leave a visiting card on your DCs "at home" days usual.

I always do. One must keep up standards I feel.

OTTMummA · 06/01/2013 22:41

Why did she make a song and dance about it then? She clearly was expecting all things to stop and for her, otherwise she would of just said, no worries I will call you another time when it's more convenient, or, how about I make dinner with the children whilst you two finish.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:44

Because the OP said she felt uncomfortable asking her MIL for help.

annaban · 06/01/2013 22:45

Separately to my earlier post, I don't understand why the MIL bothered texting if she was planning in turning up without a response (or irrespective of what any response may have been?!)

AB

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 06/01/2013 22:45

Dp's mother does this. She drives 20 miles and fetches up at half twelve on a Sunday: yeah, that's a time we're unlikely to be doing anything! But we generally offer a cup of tea ('oh only if you'd be having one anyway, well that would be very nice') and then we are sitting wondering if we should invite her to stay for lunch, but if we do, does 'would you like some lunch' sound like a 'are you going or what'? She just hangs around and nobody can carry on doing what they were doing for fear of looking rude: last time I was cleaning so I could get it all done before getting on with work, dd was doing homework at the dining table which became the Cup Of Neverending Tea table.... Sorry, but I can't bear it. Why on earth not ring first?

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:45

OP said she stopped what she was doing. She didn't have to.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:48

I would get roped in with the cleaning at my DDs house

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 06/01/2013 22:48

I'm not, and I expect lots of people are not, confident enough in ourselves or our MIL's resilience, to just keep on as we were, though. I think it takes an already quite comfortable relationship to let you be happy to do that and not think the MIL, or whoever, might be offended.

OTTMummA · 06/01/2013 22:51

I can't fully enjoy someone's company if they pop by unannounced as I have either decided to do something be it in the house, or going out or just relaxing on my own. I have anxiety and OCD, I like things to be organised and to be prepared. I enjoy visits much more, and can have a good time when I know or expect someone over, I like making a cake and getting fresh coffee/tea or making lunch for family. A days notice is all I ask from people, I don't think that's a lot to ask. Last time someone popped by I was expressing and feeding DD, it was my DH grandfather with flowers and fruits for me, I had no bra on, was leaking everywhere after 5mins, I only opened the food because I was expecting a package. It was a lovely gesture and I wasn't rude, but I was angry that he stayed, and told mil about it. He phones now before popping by. It is rude to do this, you simply have no idea what others are doing with their time!

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TheOriginalSteamingNit · 06/01/2013 22:53

I like to think I'm a good host, but I do like to know when I'm going to be hosting first.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:54

You might think its rude, but I think it's perfectly fine for my family to come round whenever they like.

Everyones different.

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 22:54

I don't host when my family come round TBH.

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