to teach my kids rude lyrics to Christmas carols? And can you expand my repertoire?

[HughFearnlyShittingFuck]

We have:

While shepherds washed their socks
Good King Wenceslas falling out of the bedroom window
We three kings, one in a taxi etc

Any more?

Oh, and AIBU to encourage this? I think it is as much part of our cultural heritage as the carols themselves... but I am VERY juvenile...

rude lyrics or the wrong words?

eh?

I assume that you wouldnt teach them to sing "while shepherds washed their cocks by night"... which is rude...

No, that might be a bit much... I wouldn't teach them anything that would actually get them excluded from school

mind you ds2 would roar with laughter at "washed their cocks"

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away.
Father Christmas lost his knickers on the motorway

Am also rather juvenile

Not really a Christmas carol but:

Jingle Bells
Batman Smells
Robin flew away
Mr Silly lost his willy
on the motorway
Hey!

Very juvenile

star of wonder, star of night
sat on a box of dynamite

I love Christmas

We three kings of Leicester Square
Selling ladies underwear
So fantastic, no elastic
Only tuppence a pair

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On a cabbage garden
Bumped into a Brussels sprout
And said "I beg your pardon"
These are all the words we know
Can't learn any more
Give us tuppence now to go
Or we'll kick the doo-oo-or!

We three kings of orient are wearing ladies underwear
So fantastic, no elastic
Only 3p a pair

O star of wonder, star of bright
50 cops on a motorbike
Westward leading, still they're speeding
(Can't recall the last line)

While shepherds washed their socks by night all seated by the tub
The angel of the Lord came down and said "rub a dub dub"

Probably a bit old for them, but my favourite as a teenager was:
While shepherds watched their flocks by night

By the river deep
The RSPCA came round
And said 'don't shag the sheep'

(I lived in Suffolk)

these are great!

Santa Claus you cunt where's my fucking bike.

Actually no just no that's far to rude

Or

While Shepherds washed their socks by night
All seated round the tub
A bar of Sunlight soap came down
And they began to scrub

The version I know from school:

While shepherds washed their socks by night
All watching BBC,
The angel of the Lord came down
And switched to ITV.

We three kings of Orient are, Two in a taxi, one in a car. (It does go on, not sure how)

isn't it

We 3 kings of Orient are
1 in a taxi, 1 in a car
1 on a scooter
beeping his hooter
smoking a long cigar

The original tune for While Shepherd watched is the one now more commonly known as "Ilkley Moor bar tat".

Dh has persuaded the church organist to play this tune for the Christmas service. I think some of the older generation might spontaniously combust.

We had the three Kings from Leamington Spa.

We also had "Yonder peasant it's JC" which was the nickname of the head. Sung with special gusto at the Carol service in front of all tha parents.

We four Beatles of Liverpool are
Paul in a taxi,George in a car,
John on a scooter beeping his hooter
Following Ringo Starr.

Yes,I know that one really shows my age.....

Good King Senseless last looked out
On the Feast of Stephen
A snowball gave his ear a clout
He cried 'I will get even'

I've brought these gifts for you they're up in my bum.

Our music teacher at primary school was responsible for teaching us the rude versions 35 years ago. He was also the Deputy Head

We three kings of leicester square
selling ladies underwear
So fantastic, no elastic
Why don't you buy a pair?

O star of wonder, star of bright
Sit on a box of dynamite
light the fuse and you will see
the quickest way to the cemetary!

Very recently I heard DS and his classmates singing:

Jingle bells, batman smells, robin flew away
uncle billy lost his willy on the motorway.

DS can't tell me where that came from

We three kings of Orient are,
Smoking on a rubber cigar.
It was loaded,
It exploded.
That's how we traveled so far.

I thought you meant rude, but I guess you may want to wait a few years before teaching "Faunus the Roman Goat God" (to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer"

Faunus the Roman Goat-God
Had a very shiny prick
And if you ever saw it
You would say it is quite thick

All of the other deities
Used to leer suggestively
They.. always wanted Faunus
To Join in the revelry

Then one frosty Saturnal
Juno made this call
"Faunus since.. you're hung so well,
Won't you ring my solstice bell?"

Then all the others pouted
And they muttered jealously
"Faunus, the Roman goat-god
Better save a turn for me!"

Tramp 'O' Claus with lyrics

Do not...I repeat not teach it to the kids

O, star of wonder, star of might
Fill your pants with dynamite
Light the fuse and off you go
All the way to Mexico !

Hark the herald angels sing
'Beechams Pills are just the thing
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
Two for a man and one for a child.

Good King Wenceslas looked out
in his pink pyjamas,
sliding down the banisters,
eating bad bananas.
Brightly shone the moon last night
over Marks and Spencers
da da da da da da (I can't remember the bit that goes here_
and he knocked him senseless.