to teach my kids rude lyrics to Christmas carols? And can you expand my repertoire?

[HughFearnlyShittingFuck]

We have:

While shepherds washed their socks
Good King Wenceslas falling out of the bedroom window
We three kings, one in a taxi etc

Any more?

Oh, and AIBU to encourage this? I think it is as much part of our cultural heritage as the carols themselves... but I am VERY juvenile...

[desertgirl]

But Larks, there wouldn't be half as much fun to be got from teaching the alternative if they didn't know the original - it would just be a silly song to a random tune. I think the alternatives are more for kids who are past preschool stage, know the carols, and will get a giggle from them. Eg I wouldn't sing 'one in a taxi, one in a car' to my 6 year old as he doesn't know We Three Kings...

And I heard several of these as a child, some from schoolfriends, some from adults - and still love a lot of the original carols :)

[Lancelottie]

Not a rude version, but we used to get a great deal of innocent pleasure from singing the wrong tune to whatever Christmas carol was put up on the board at the end of term -- so the Ilkley Moor tune to Shepherds Watched, or the American version of Away an a manger'.

Sounded 'orrible when sung through the piano plinking out the usual version and the headmistress could only glare impotently at us.

God we were tearaways at that age...

[BonVoyageCharlieBrown]

As shepherds washed their socks by night,
Whilst sitting on a bank,
The angel of the lord came down,
And taught them how to.........

Sorry too rude for the kids

[Fecklessdizzy]

It's not exactly a carol but how about this ( to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory ... )

Bowl of soapy water, wash your stinky feet, Father's cutting his toe-nails, give them to Baby to eat ...

Or ...
We three kings of Leicester Square,
Selling Ladies underware,
Quite fantastic, no elastic
Very unsafe to wear ...

[saccrofolium]

" we wish you a willy Christmas." Any toddler will fall over laughing!

[ScatterGotStuckUpTheChimney]

I am crying with laughter at Faunus the Roman Goat God

Lancelottie we used to do that with All Things Bright and Beautiful and (our particular favourite) the three different tunes to Oh Jesus I Have Promised. We'd been taught all three in choir, but always sang the same one in assembly. It seemed a shame not to use the others occasionally

[ikltownofboothlehem]

Rude Rolph the bare arsed reindeer
Had a very shiny ring
When he'd been on the curry
His fecking hole would sting & sting
All of the other reindeer
Used to hide the toilet roll
And Rude Rolph the bare arsed reindeer
Went round with a smelly hole

[chocolatetester1]

Marking this to read during late night feed - love it!

[BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud]

Well I think we have found the MN level of humour this evening.....! squeals with delight

ahem...

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows. LIKE A LIGHTBULB

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names. LIKE PINOCCHIO
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games. LIKE MONOPOLY

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say: HO HO HO
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

He said "Fuck off you big fat bastard"
"Put the reigns back on the shelf"
"Go find another reindeer....."
"Or pull the fucking sleigh yourself"

I have to stop myself from singing the rude version (learned off-heart by me aged about 9) each time my DD (aged....9) is belting out the naice version.

[BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud]

We got stuck in a really bad traffic jam on the M5 last Friday night.

To entertain DD, I we made up the following ('we' being me, my mum and dad)

To the Power of Love by Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

The power of poo,
As it plops in the loo,
Wetting my bum,.
I flush it away,
But it wants to stay,
Deep in the bowl.

It took about 20 minutes to come up with the words and I did start out on my own but mum and dad can proudly claim the last 2 lines.

Cue lots of giggling, DD in fits of laughter and my mum pretending to be disgusted (but ultimately joining in)

I do love silly poo/bum/wee related songs!

[BrianCoxIsAChristmasPud]

So, it appears, my level of humour is about 5 fathoms filthier than anybody prior to my posts

[Milliways]

Another Good King Wenceslas here:

Good King Wenceslas had a fight
With his brother, Stephen
Brother Stephen knocked him out
& laid him flat & even
Brightly shone the bruise that night
Though the pain was cruel
When the Ambulance came in sight
It ran out of fu-e-l

[TeentheBean]

Ha ha, ridiculous thread, but especially funny after a glass of the Christmas sherry :)

[FreckledLeopard]

These are BRILLIANT! Marking place so I can share with DD tomorrow (she's at secondary school so don't need to censor too heavily!)

[Lancelottie]

Scatter -- your school didn't begin with a C, did it??

[ScatterGotStuckUpTheChimney]

Nope sorry. It must happen all over the place

[Fakebook]

Jingle bells batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The batmobile lost its wheel
And the joker got away

Hey!

Deck the halls with poo and wee wee
Falalalalalallalaa
'tis the season to be smelly
Falalalalalalalalaaa

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I feel that this needs reviving, if only for the joy that is Faunus the Roman Goat God.

[ProudAS]

Whilst shepherds washed their socks by night all hanging on the line
The angel of the lord came down and said "Those socks are mine"

[IhaveNoOpinion]

I have one. It is not a carol, but an old Cliff classic.

Christmas time
Get pissed drunk on wine
Children singing way out of time
With dogs on the fire and
cats up the tree,
We couldn't afford a turkey
So we ate the budgie

Made my DD giggle when I taught it to her last night!

[pixiepotter]

Tanith my dad's version
:

While shepherd watched their turnip tops
All bubbling in the pot
The angel of the Lord came down
and scoffed the blooming lot!

[Jellypoppingcandy]

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
Of his bedroom window
Silly bugg&r he fell out
On a red hot cinder
Brightly shone his bum that night
Though the frost was cruel
Till the doctor came in sight
Riding on a mule

[Jellypoppingcandy]

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
In his kitchen garden
Bumped into a brussel sprout
And said I beg your pardon
Sliding down the banister
Eating ripe bananas
Where d'you think he put the skins?
Down his best pyjamas

[JadziaSnax]

One from DS(7)
We're walking in the air, without our underwear.

He thinks it's really rude

[ComposHat]

As a teenager I used to enjoy singing

'oh tidings of cum fart and joy, great tidings of cum fart and joy'

We 3 kings of Orient are
1 in a taxi, 1 in a car
1 on a scooter
beeping his hooter,
going to Perry Barr.

I grew up in the midlands and it only just struck me, what did non-midlanders (poor wretches) who were presumably not acquainted with Birmingham's inner suburbs sing for the last line?