to teach my kids rude lyrics to Christmas carols? And can you expand my repertoire?

[HughFearnlyShittingFuck]

We have:

While shepherds washed their socks
Good King Wenceslas falling out of the bedroom window
We three kings, one in a taxi etc

Any more?

Oh, and AIBU to encourage this? I think it is as much part of our cultural heritage as the carols themselves... but I am VERY juvenile...

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
On his cabbage garden
Bumped into a brussel sprout
And said I beg your pardon.

Briancox the poo goes to Hollywood is inspired, I have been humming it all morning and have now had to share with everyone else and now they are all singing it. The sandy desert landscape of Qatar is alive with the poo song. Happy Christmas!

To the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside.
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag,
I could tell this wouldn't be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
The restroom door said gentleman and I'd would like to find,
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs.
Cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy.
Boy oh boy.
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy.

And performed! ;)

When H was a Chorister, he used to sing Most Highly Favoured Lady but changed the lyrics to...

Most highly flavoured gravy, Biiiiiiiiiiiiisto!

Another God test ye Merry gentlemen one. Not mine, can't remember where from tho.

God send a Merry Gentleman
And let him not be gay
Or married with 3 children
And baby on the way
And let him drive a big fast car
And think that men should pay
Oh, that would be comfort and joy, comfort and joy,
Oh that would be comfort and joy.

Not for kids and no need to change lyrics - Santa baby 'coming down the chimney tonight' just needs a

DD's sing Mariah Carey as 'All I want for Christmas is poooo-oooooooo'.

Ive never heard of the 'trad' ones, neither's DH, we were clearly angels.

DD and friend have composed:

Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skis
Over hills we go
Bashing into trees!

The snow is turning red
I think I'm nearly dead
I woke up in the hospital
With stitches in my head!

I am VERY proud.

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know,
With my father wasted,
The goose cremated,
And hardly any fucking snow.

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Without to eat a sodding bite
And that balding tree
That's smaller than me
Says "May all your Christmasses be shite".