to teach my kids rude lyrics to Christmas carols? And can you expand my repertoire?

[HughFearnlyShittingFuck]

We have:

While shepherds washed their socks
Good King Wenceslas falling out of the bedroom window
We three kings, one in a taxi etc

Any more?

Oh, and AIBU to encourage this? I think it is as much part of our cultural heritage as the carols themselves... but I am VERY juvenile...

We had (and I foolishly taught dd it the night before her carol concert )

O Star of wonder, star of light,
Santa caught his pants alight,
Hit the Ceiling, started screaming
O It was the perfect flight.

Good King Wenceslas looked out
in his pink pyjamas,
sliding down the banisters,
eating bad bananas.

Brightly shone the moon last night
over Marks and Spencers
(next line is hazy - anyone know ?)
and he knocked him se -enseless.

I also like version of a classic

This may date me:

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away.
Kojak lost his lollipop
On the M1 motorway.

Only one line, but I remember my music teacher making the mistake of telling us how her father was kicked out of his church choir as a boy for singing the alternative refrain in "The angel Gabriel":

Most highly flavoured gravy.

I now find it impossible to sing the correct version. Thanks, Miss S!

Good king Wenceslas looked out
Out his bedroom window
Silly bugger he fell out
On a red hot poker.

Brightly shone his arse that night
though the frost was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Gathering winter fuel.

NOT for the children. To the tune of Deck The Halls:

Feel me balls they're just like holly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Suck me dick it makes me jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Uncle Don is gay like Harold
Fa la la, fa la la, la la la
You fuck June & I'll fuck Carol
Fa la la la la la la la la

We always sang:

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells,
Robin flew away
Lost his pants in the middle of France
and found them in Bombay.

Made the mistake of teaching the kids it a couple of years ago.

at sockreturningpixie. I had completely forgotten about that song!

Really don't think it's one for the OP's kids though...!

KateB, we sang:

Kojak lost his lollipop
So he bought a milky way

presumably same vintage :)

My dad's version:

While shepherd watched their turnip tops
All bubbling in the pot
A lump of soot came tumbling down
And spoilt the bloody lot!

Ex-choirboy as well

keep em coming! Fab

I like the turnip tops...

We three kings of Orient are
Trying to light a rubber cigar
It was loaded and exploded
Blowing them all afar.

Jingle bells, Santa smells
Rudolphs run away
Mrs Claus
has dropped her drawers
And the elves all say "way-hay!"

Or

Jingle bells, Santa smells
Rudolph's run away
The elves got pissed
And lost the list
So they canna come today!!

Not a carol, but a favourite here:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows. LIKE A LIGHTBULB

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names. LIKE PINOCCHIO
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games. LIKE MONOPOLY

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say: HO HO HO
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history! LIKE ATTILLA THE HUN

Little donkey, little donkey
On the M25
Got run over
By a rover
And did not survive

Ring out the bells tonight
Casualty casualty
Follow the flashing lights
Ambulance ambulance? (It doesn't rhyme, I may have made the last but up!)

I agree - it is absolutely part of our heritage

I heard that apparently back in the 1930s, when King Edward wanted to marry Wallis Simpson, the lyrics 'Hark the Herald angels sing, Mrs Simpson's pinched our king' spread throughout Britain. They were never broadcast of course, but they were everywhere - see how fast these things travel!

I don't know good ones but we did bet a mate a lot of money to sing the solo first line 'Personent Hodie' 'We present whores today, crotches all a-splay'.

Not what you want for your kids, but do I get a prize for the rudest (and most dodgy)?

LRD

I know two different versions of the 1930s take on HTHA & it's likely there were heaps more:

"Hark the herald angels sing,
Mrs Simpson's pinched our King.
Peace on Earth & mercy mild,
The heir to the throne is now a child."

"Hark the herald angels sing,
Mrs Simpson's pinched our King.
She's been married twice before,
Now she knocks on Edward's door."

While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All watching ITV
The angel of the Lord came down
And switched to BBC

It's a bit dated. Think it was the one my mum sang at school...

Hark, the herald angels sing,
Beachams pills are just the thing
they are gentle, meek and mild
Two for an adult, one for a child
If you want to go to heaven
You must take a dose of seven
If you want to go to hell,
Eat the ruddy box as well...
Hark the herald angels sing
Beechams pills are just the thing.

Actually, the ruddy suggests it was my mum's 1950s version. My Fran wouldn't have been as polite!

Also have you come across Joe Difie's leroy the redneck reindeer? That's fab.

It's hard to get a YouTube link on the phone but its there...

My gran.

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin ran away,
He lost his pants down in France,
And found them on eBay, hey!

Repeat.

And repeat. And repeat. And repeat...

I don't need to teach them, the same old stuff is going round the playground as 35 years ago.

I'm crying here

It's a lone YABUI from me. I'm currently trying to teach DS a few carols and dread him coming home with different versions from pre-school. I think it is fair enough for them to make up their own lyrics and feel a bit cool/naughty for doing it, but teaching them our dated versions seems a bit silly really. Sorry to be a bit of a party pooper but I really like proper christmas carols.