to teach my kids rude lyrics to Christmas carols? And can you expand my repertoire?

[HughFearnlyShittingFuck]

We have:

While shepherds washed their socks
Good King Wenceslas falling out of the bedroom window
We three kings, one in a taxi etc

Any more?

Oh, and AIBU to encourage this? I think it is as much part of our cultural heritage as the carols themselves... but I am VERY juvenile...

[mlplover]

[chateauferret]

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know,
With my father wasted,
The goose cremated,
And hardly any fucking snow.

I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas
Without to eat a sodding bite
And that balding tree
That's smaller than me
Says "May all your Christmasses be shite".

[DontCallMeBaby]

DD and friend have composed:

Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skis
Over hills we go
Bashing into trees!

The snow is turning red
I think I'm nearly dead
I woke up in the hospital
With stitches in my head!

I am VERY proud.

[Jbck]

DD's sing Mariah Carey as 'All I want for Christmas is poooo-oooooooo'.

Ive never heard of the 'trad' ones, neither's DH, we were clearly angels.

[intheland]

Not for kids and no need to change lyrics - Santa baby 'coming down the chimney tonight' just needs a

[OwlinaTree]

Another God test ye Merry gentlemen one. Not mine, can't remember where from tho.

God send a Merry Gentleman
And let him not be gay
Or married with 3 children
And baby on the way
And let him drive a big fast car
And think that men should pay
Oh, that would be comfort and joy, comfort and joy,
Oh that would be comfort and joy.

[Chocovore]

When H was a Chorister, he used to sing Most Highly Favoured Lady but changed the lyrics to...

Most highly flavoured gravy, Biiiiiiiiiiiiisto!

[DalekInAFestiveJumper]

And performed! ;)

[DalekInAFestiveJumper]

To the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside.
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag,
I could tell this wouldn't be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.
The restroom door said gentleman and I'd would like to find,
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs.
Cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy.
Boy oh boy.
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy.

[Theodorous]

Briancox the poo goes to Hollywood is inspired, I have been humming it all morning and have now had to share with everyone else and now they are all singing it. The sandy desert landscape of Qatar is alive with the poo song. Happy Christmas!

[skinoncustard]

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
On his cabbage garden
Bumped into a brussel sprout
And said I beg your pardon.

[ComposHat]

As a teenager I used to enjoy singing

'oh tidings of cum fart and joy, great tidings of cum fart and joy'

We 3 kings of Orient are
1 in a taxi, 1 in a car
1 on a scooter
beeping his hooter,
going to Perry Barr.

I grew up in the midlands and it only just struck me, what did non-midlanders (poor wretches) who were presumably not acquainted with Birmingham's inner suburbs sing for the last line?

[JadziaSnax]

One from DS(7)
We're walking in the air, without our underwear.

He thinks it's really rude

[Jellypoppingcandy]

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
In his kitchen garden
Bumped into a brussel sprout
And said I beg your pardon
Sliding down the banister
Eating ripe bananas
Where d'you think he put the skins?
Down his best pyjamas

[Jellypoppingcandy]

Good King Wenceslas last looked out
Of his bedroom window
Silly bugg&r he fell out
On a red hot cinder
Brightly shone his bum that night
Though the frost was cruel
Till the doctor came in sight
Riding on a mule

[pixiepotter]

Tanith my dad's version
:

While shepherd watched their turnip tops
All bubbling in the pot
The angel of the Lord came down
and scoffed the blooming lot!

[IhaveNoOpinion]

I have one. It is not a carol, but an old Cliff classic.

Christmas time
Get pissed drunk on wine
Children singing way out of time
With dogs on the fire and
cats up the tree,
We couldn't afford a turkey
So we ate the budgie

Made my DD giggle when I taught it to her last night!

[ProudAS]

Whilst shepherds washed their socks by night all hanging on the line
The angel of the lord came down and said "Those socks are mine"

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I feel that this needs reviving, if only for the joy that is Faunus the Roman Goat God.

[Fakebook]

Jingle bells batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The batmobile lost its wheel
And the joker got away

Hey!

Deck the halls with poo and wee wee
Falalalalalallalaa
'tis the season to be smelly
Falalalalalalalalaaa

[ScatterGotStuckUpTheChimney]

Nope sorry. It must happen all over the place

[Lancelottie]

Scatter -- your school didn't begin with a C, did it??

[FreckledLeopard]

These are BRILLIANT! Marking place so I can share with DD tomorrow (she's at secondary school so don't need to censor too heavily!)

[TeentheBean]

Ha ha, ridiculous thread, but especially funny after a glass of the Christmas sherry :)

[Milliways]

Another Good King Wenceslas here:

Good King Wenceslas had a fight
With his brother, Stephen
Brother Stephen knocked him out
& laid him flat & even
Brightly shone the bruise that night
Though the pain was cruel
When the Ambulance came in sight
It ran out of fu-e-l