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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding contact

252 replies

Pickles77 · 25/11/2012 15:23

Regarding DDs twunt of a father

He has put no effort in with DD and just likes to scream at me.
As I refused to drive DD around the country today he hasn't seen her but he says he isn't missing anything. I'm just a bitch but his maintainence wouldn't even get me to and from what her wants!
He wants her all weekend next weekend . Am I being unreasonable to say no?
DD doesn't know him, yet he says she doesn't know me.
He's never changed a nappy and he isn't very good with her and to be frank I don't trust him.
I'm so upset on Dd's behalf. She doesn't deserve this and he doesn't realise you don't get these days back.
His time off is precious apparently, he wants it to himself sometimes. I don't ever get time off but apparently this is what I wanted.

AIBU to be sad for DD?
AIBU to stop him seeing DD until he steps up?
AIBU for being so angry Angry

OP posts:
NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 08:24

Keep contact very short such as 'if you wish to see DD contact centre only - we will not be home'...ignore any calls.

Best of luck

SugaricePlumFairy · 06/12/2012 08:31

Stay strong Pickles!

flow4 · 06/12/2012 08:36

I'm a bit worried that "I will text when i am leaving" is a lie - an attempt to trick you to stay at home 'til he has actually arrived. Have you gone out yet? I think you should, asap.

I know I am sounding slightly paranoid. But he's obviously not good at taking 'no' for an answer. I'd just play it safe and stay well away today...

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 08:40

He is defo at work until 12 I've a friend there Wink.
I really don't think he will go to my parents but we are out from 10 anyway a friend is doing brunch then shopping if my nerves can take if Grin

OP posts:
flow4 · 06/12/2012 08:43

Oh good :)
If your nerves can't take it (I can't stand Christmas shopping, even without a small baby!) there are always cafes, soft play centres, a nearby Children's Centre (some of them have cafes/drop ins)... :)

prettybird · 06/12/2012 09:09

Congratulations on staying strong. Smile

SIL, when she was having problems with her exdh and contact with their two kids a) went ex-directory with her home phone number (changing it obviously) and withholds the number and b) got a new mobile phone and kept the old one purely for contact with her ex. It would switched on while the kids were with him and switched off at all other times. (this was also useful later when there was pre-arranged phone contact with the kids).

ALL other contact was via the solicitors.

I recommend you do the same. That way, his ability to try to control and bully you is minimised.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 09:23

Another idea Pickles, I don't know if this has been suggested but write everything down, if it does go to court you may need it all, even what he says when he texts, if he emails, just date it, jot it down and it builds a picture should you need to go to court.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 09:26

You shouldn't have to leave your house but to begin with it is the best, so you don't get upset. I just double lock my doors now, it's no way to live really but I am sure I will have some ending to my life soon Xmas Grin

Mine used to text this we would leave, then he wouldn't turn up.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 09:31

Yes just to re-iterate change that number and never give in, I have 5 land line numbers from last year, now the only people to have it me, (no idea what it is only on last week), I wouldn't even give my ex my email, it was bad enough when he had my address, he sent many people to my house freak the only people who have my number are the schools and my parents and the police. My ex was constantly ringing my mums mobile for 3 weeks, few weeks back, sending messages such as 'you're dead' obviously he thought it was me Hmm

Don't be despondent if your solicitor is not helpful, many are not, just move on and find one who helps you. Best of luck.

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 10:19

Thank you
Wanking that sounds awful- are you okay?

OP posts:
Whocansay · 06/12/2012 10:36

Pickles, please don't stay on your own, just in case he turns up. If you're meeting your friend later, can your mum keep you company for a bit?

And yes, if you've already told him its not convenient today, do not respond to any further contact from him. But make sure you log it.

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 11:20

Don't worry I'm not alone x

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 06/12/2012 11:44

Let us know how things go today. Xxx

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 14:54

I'm fine Pickles Smile Stay strong and don't let this man get you down x

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 16:20

Seems to be a no show Wink
His mum said she's tried to speak with him about this not being the way to do things Smile

OP posts:
Whocansay · 06/12/2012 16:57

At least his mother appears to be being reasonable.

I'm glad he didn't turn up though. Long may it last! the knob

Hope you're feeling OK?

SugaricePlumFairy · 06/12/2012 17:01

So he really is all mouth and no trousers! Xmas Grin.

Pleased for you that he didn't show, what a bully he is !

Remember to ignore any shitty texts he may send.

He's a mahoosive twat!

Hope you had a good day with Mini Pickles and friend. Smile

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 17:05
Smile

long may it last

Watch out for horrid texts and emails, try (its hard) not to read them, just save and ignore. Go see Solicitor and have fun with baby Pickles. Smile

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 17:09

Really glad he didn't turn up as rushed home and to docs as DD has a bug/cold. I did think it was mouth no trousers but it did scare me Shock

OP posts:
NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 17:24

That's his intention Pickles, intimidation. My ex still tries it, he would say he was coming to parents evenings and things but his g/friend didn't let him, he then had supervised access at my home, again his g/friend didn't like it (no wonder I don't blame her - he was trying to come back) Don't let him scare you. Hope your DD is okay!

flow4 · 06/12/2012 18:38

Oh I am glad he didn't show up. Maybe he took you seriously for a change when you said 'no' :)

ATouchOfStuffing · 06/12/2012 19:26

Yay! He didn't show Smile. Hopefully he is listening to his mother. I imagine he is annoyed at you for telling her the truth though (been there with ex's mum, she asked!) so be prepared for his reaction when he thinks she is off his back a bit more.
Agree that the best way forward is to see his silly messages for what they are; bullying by a stupid overgrown boy. If you can imagine him stomping his foot and whining them with his bottom lip sticking out, you should be able to laugh at them rather than feel intimidated. Just skim read them and forget any bits deliberately put in to get a reaction. My ex is a master of going v. quiet and then popping up with all sorts of horrid messages and then says patronising things like "thank you for the nice tone of your message though, that was...refreshing" - after he has gone off on a rant, as if I am the one being bitter and angry all of the time! I may well have been angry when he left and I was pg and hormonal but it's amazing how responsible you get with emotions when you have a DC that you actually look after
Ignore him and laugh at him, it's the best way forward.

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 20:20

Smile celebratory glass of wine i think.
Poor DD has a nasty bug we went to the docs earlier.
Lots of mummy cuddles perscribedSmile

OP posts:
ATouchOfStuffing · 06/12/2012 21:09

Good luck with the solicitor tomorrow. Hope the wine helped.
I knew men were good for something - p'ing it down here and bin needs taking out Xmas Wink

Original poster
Pickles77 · 06/12/2012 21:57

Do you ever or have you ever got that disapointed sinking feeling when an acquaintance with a OH or DH a announces either a pregnancy, engagement or both?
I do know it doesn't garuntee a happy
ending and I don't know their personal circs but oh... You know wish I could have had just 5 mins of being one of them. Just five sodding minutes.
Not a 'oh I'm pregnant, homeless and dumped'

I sound a right bitch

OP posts: