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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Regarding contact

252 replies

Pickles77 · 25/11/2012 15:23

Regarding DDs twunt of a father

He has put no effort in with DD and just likes to scream at me.
As I refused to drive DD around the country today he hasn't seen her but he says he isn't missing anything. I'm just a bitch but his maintainence wouldn't even get me to and from what her wants!
He wants her all weekend next weekend . Am I being unreasonable to say no?
DD doesn't know him, yet he says she doesn't know me.
He's never changed a nappy and he isn't very good with her and to be frank I don't trust him.
I'm so upset on Dd's behalf. She doesn't deserve this and he doesn't realise you don't get these days back.
His time off is precious apparently, he wants it to himself sometimes. I don't ever get time off but apparently this is what I wanted.

AIBU to be sad for DD?
AIBU to stop him seeing DD until he steps up?
AIBU for being so angry

OP posts:

Whocansay · 05/12/2012 13:51

Not much I can say, other than fuck me he's an entitled twat!

You seem to have it all in hand though. You dd would of course be terrified going with him for an afternoon, let alone a whole day.

Have you got any legal advice yet, Pickles? You need to get a proper access arrangement sorted so he can't make these ridiculous demands.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 14:11

Waiting for my dad to come to the solicitors with me as I don't understand jargon

OP posts:

pigletmania · 05/12/2012 14:14

My god what can I say what a prize knobber. I echo what everyone else says, he is emotionally manipulating you as he can and is able to do it. He can bloody well drive up to see her if he cares for her. Stop all this driving about, contact the CAB, get legal advice. I would go back to therapy, you sound like your in a bad place right now and your confidence is so low. Don't contact him, just communicate through legal,channels. Big squishy hugs to you

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 14:15

Thank you feel stronger with support

OP posts:

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 18:59

Just got this-

I am having DD Tomorrow afternoon. On my own. I will text when i am leaving

OP posts:

CremeEggThief · 05/12/2012 19:01

Em, no he won't! Who the fuck does he think he is?

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 19:04

What do I do now?

OP posts:

Hegsy · 05/12/2012 19:17

Reply and say no chance. If he still insists and turns up ignore door/call police. You don't have to let him take DD.

CinnabarRed · 05/12/2012 19:21

Absolutely. When he texts to say he's leaving then be out when he's likely to turn up.

And isn't it interesting that he can get himself to your house when he wants to, despite making you drive for hours to get DD to him in the past?

But you do need to get legal advice too because this isn't a long term fix. Does he have PR?

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 19:31

It certainly shows a lot that he can make the effort when he wants to!
I'm in two minds here though as I feel funny about stopping all contact without legally having your back. I wouldn't want him to be able to hold it against you in the future. At least he wants to see her! But on his own is not good at all and he needs to know you aren't happy with that.
Did you find out about contact centres?

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 19:33

Yes he won't do contact centres and he is on her BC so has PR.
I feel sick and shaky but not upset. I don't want him to have her alone? Is that wrong? She won't know him- 3 weeks!!!
AIBU

OP posts:

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 19:38

I'd call legal aid ASAP and see what they suggest. It is very last minute though so you could just say you already have plans for the day. I just wouldn't want him showing texts in Court saying you stopped him seeing her when he made the effort...but clearly this is all too fast and you can't let him just have her. Who knows how he would cope and would he bring her back? I'd be petrified given his past history. I really think contact centres are the way forward if he does want to see her, or he has to bring his parents along too.

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 19:39

If you have given him the option of contact centres then that is all he needs; you have given him a choice to see her and he isn't being reasonable.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 19:41

Thank you. Or do I give in and let her go? I doubt I'd be able to book a contact centre for tomo would I

OP posts:

SugaricePlumFairy · 05/12/2012 19:43

De-lurking to add support if you need it!!!.

Text twat back saying you have plans for tomorrow and can't hand her over due to your concerns over his responsibility and ability to cope.

Seek immediate help from a Sol. regarding what this twat owes and what his 'rights' are then take him to the cleaners.

Go girl, for you, dd and picklesdog

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 19:45

No! I wouldn't let her go, if something happened you would never forgive yourself. He has no idea how to look after her!
Just text when he says he is leaving and say you have plans and will be out all day. Say you mentioned contact centres before because she is so young and he may need help caring for her if you aren't there. You don't need to bow to his pressure, as he will keep doing it if he thinks he wins by suddenly announcing things like this.
Tomorrow though I really would sort out your legal position, CSA etc. Call your nearest contact centre and ask how it works, get some options for bookings and text him them. Either he sees her there in a safe environment or not all all for now. I think that is fair enough and you aren't stopping him seeing her.

SugaricePlumFairy · 05/12/2012 19:45

Don't give in, you are your Daughters Protector!

Remember that.

You are fab.

naturalbaby · 05/12/2012 19:53

don't give in, be strong for your little girl.

Is there anywhere you can go so he can't just turn up and take her? Is your dad able to be with you tomorrow when he's due to turn up?

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 19:56

My mum says to go out incase. I haven't said he can't see her. I said he can see her with someone.
So do I wait at home and see what
he decides? Or do I leave him to drive 2.5 hours and not be here.

I don't think he would have the bollocks to turn up at my parents

OP posts:

auntpetunia · 05/12/2012 20:06

You be out! you don't have to be there. What did the solicitor say when you and your dad went? i would leave as soon as he texts, infact I would be out earlier take yourself to your mum's and then the two of you go shopping/ have lunch etc. if your dad wants to be there when he arrives that would be good, just make sure dad is ready to phone the police if he causes any trouble.

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 20:17

No need for you to be near what will probably be an angry man.
Keep away for the day in case he does show up regardless.

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 20:22

My dad works long nights away from home so he is back tomo afternoon so fri afternoon is sol time

OP posts:

ATouchOfStuffing · 05/12/2012 20:29

Good plan. Sort out nearest contact centre and CSA (can't remember if you did that already?) tomorrow with your mum. Should only take an hour or so

Original poster

Pickles77 · 05/12/2012 20:30

Csa I've done as I was already on file just had to give the go ahead.
We've just done contact centres to call in the morning.
Which I really don't think he would go

OP posts:

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 05/12/2012 20:32

Good idea to go out, I used to do this, mine won't take me to court to see dc unsupervised, he also will not see them in a contact centre, so he will not see them at all, this is their choice. Good luck at Solicitors.

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