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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave DS to cry?

136 replies

CreamOfTomatoSoup · 04/11/2012 20:06

He is 6 months and likes boob before sleep. He won't have a bottle, even though he will happily take one in the day, so I know he is comfort sucking.

So how old do babies have to be to learn from CC? I don't really want to do it but can't see any other way around this conundrum. He doesn't have a dummy and I'd rather not introduce one now.

AIBU/Cruel?

OP posts:
Raspberrysorbet · 04/11/2012 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zinaida · 04/11/2012 20:08

What's wrong with feeding him to sleep? Don't think CC is recommended before a year old.

TeacupTempest · 04/11/2012 20:10

YAbu

Feed him to sleep!

pointythings · 04/11/2012 20:10

First: How do you know he isn't hungry? If he is mix fed he may indeed prefer boob, but that isn't bad. You won't know he is comfort sucking unless he doesn't take a full BF from you. If he messes around and falls asleep just as your milk lets down then you will indeed know that he is comfort sucking, but your post doesn't make it clear that you've tried this and found it to be so. Despite what the books say, a lot of babies still do need a feed at night after six months. My DD2 would take both sides in 15 minutes flat, twice a night, until she aws 11 months old. She was genuinely hungry - so might your DS be.

Secondly, your DS is not too young for some form of sleep management, but all out CC is harsh at this age - there are gentler methods, I'd try those first.

Original poster
CreamOfTomatoSoup · 04/11/2012 20:11

I just find boobing him a bit of a drag, only I can do it and I don't want to have to visit his university halls of residence to get him to sleep! Do they grow out of it?

OP posts:
TeacupTempest · 04/11/2012 20:13

He's 6 months!!!!

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 04/11/2012 20:13

Think you should post in breast/bottle feeding.

He is only 6 months old.

He's a tiny baby.

Cc is cruel IMO. So yabu.

But you'll get helpful advice in breast/bottle feeding

Raspberrysorbet · 04/11/2012 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 04/11/2012 20:14

Of course they grow out of it! 6 months is still really, really young. I did sleep train DD2 when she was 11 months, which was when she started faffing about falling asleep at let-down - and at that point I did pick up/put down. It took 2 days and then she was sleeping 7 till 6. It's worth waiting until they are ready.

Some babies are slow feeders and you do have my sympathy if you have one of those, but at this stage I would really just feed him to sleep - so much less stressful for all concerned, and as I mentioned, he might well be genuinely hungry.

Yika · 04/11/2012 20:14

6 months is fine to cc in my view. The crying will pass within a few days.

Original poster
CreamOfTomatoSoup · 04/11/2012 20:14

I think he's not hungry because he refuses the bottle after having happily drunk from it. So he might have the bottle for 5 mins and then shout until a boob is brought to him. I know he may need night feeds, that isn't the problem, it's more putting him down for naps and in the evening.

OP posts:
Raspberrysorbet · 04/11/2012 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePieSmuggler · 04/11/2012 20:17

I've recently seen quite a few bits of evidence that suggest cc does have long term harmful effects, granted these are from peer reviewed articles rather than the liked of the lancet, but in my opinion you are being cruel and possibly damaging your baby. Six months is far too young to try it anyway Sad

pointythings · 04/11/2012 20:18

I still don 't see a problem with feeding him to sleep at naptime and evening time, to be honest. I always made a snuggly bf part of the evening routine until they were weaned. For a tired baby a boob is much more soothing than a lump of rubber.

I am very, very opposed to controlled crying, especially at such a young age. They stop crying only because they know no-one is coming, not because they are no longer upset and distressed.
some research here.

Original poster
CreamOfTomatoSoup · 04/11/2012 20:20

The issue is that it's a bit of a drag, but I can get over that, I just worry that I'm setting myself up in bad habits. Also I'm going out for the evening on Thursday (a work thing) and I'm worried that DH will have problems getting the baby to sleep. He doesn't always do this, I just wondered whether I could reduce his dependency on it.

OP posts:
TeacupTempest · 04/11/2012 20:20

He's a tiny baby. They NEED comfort as much as milk

OHforDUCKScake · 04/11/2012 20:21

Why is it a connundrum? Hmm

What is so bad about a baby having a breastfeed to sleep?
Of course he comfort sucks. Breasts are the most lovely, comforting thing in the whole wide world to him.

I think YWBU to CC with a baby who would happily feed to sleep.

rainbowinthesky · 04/11/2012 20:22

Yes, he will still be bf when he has children of his own and in his 30s. They never stop.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 04/11/2012 20:23

Feeding to sleep can be a problem if you don't want to keep on doing it for a couple of years (or so). I would feed him, but stop letting him fall asleep on the boob - which is quite hard to do when they are so little & cute but I feel it's a sanity saver in the long run, babies need to learn to self settle and for this they need to be put down awake.

parakeet · 04/11/2012 20:24

I did CC with my 12-month old and it was the best thing I ever did - it only took two nights. (And with the first night, which was the worst, it only lasted one hour 15 minutes, of going in every five minutes, gradually increasing it by one minute each time.)

I cannot believe it causes lasting distress - they don't remember anything at that age.

Those people saying "what's the issue?" The issue is the OP wants her life back!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 04/11/2012 20:24

He is a baby! Just do what needs to be done to get him to sleep Smile.

I promise he will not want your boob when he goes to high school (though my 7 yr old did ask if he could "have a go" when we were talking about milk, my boobs and feeding babies!!! I hope that I do not have to end the story by saying that my answer was NO!

Longtalljosie · 04/11/2012 20:25

Yes, your DH may have a bit of an issue on Thursday, but he'll manage.

I fed my oldest to sleep until she was just over 1. When I gave up BF I sat with her for the first night until she went to sleep (it was pretty miserable for us both Sad) and after that she got the hang of it quickly and went down watching her light show. I'm so glad I didn't worry about the voices of doom saying it was habit forming - I'd have deprived myself of a year of easy bedtimes!

SirBoobAlot · 04/11/2012 20:25

Yes. YABVU.

He's a baby. The only thing they learn from CC is that no one comes to them when they need them to.

Original poster
CreamOfTomatoSoup · 04/11/2012 20:25

Also my DM suggested I just leave him to cry because he'll have to learn early that 'life is hard'. I'm not that convinced and it makes me sad and stressed when he cries.
She said that as babies for the first 3 months my brother and I were just left to cry all evening because we'd been fed. Sad
So then I felt I was being ridiculous for still feeding him to sleep at 6 months. But it appears I'm not.

OP posts:
RawShark · 04/11/2012 20:26

I BF m DS to sleep until he was a year ish.ANd he goes to sleep fine on his own now. So, I would skip the CC