to leave DS to cry?

[CreamOfTomatoSoup]

He is 6 months and likes boob before sleep. He won't have a bottle, even though he will happily take one in the day, so I know he is comfort sucking.

So how old do babies have to be to learn from CC? I don't really want to do it but can't see any other way around this conundrum. He doesn't have a dummy and I'd rather not introduce one now.

AIBU/Cruel?

Fed both of mine to sleep until they were 18 months. They both go to sleep fine. So glad I didn't listen to the rod-fer-yer-own-back-ers.

My dd likes to breastfeed to sleep when I'm there, but is fine with dp and a bottle when I'm working. Babies are very adaptable.

I agree with other posters than 6 months is still small. Your baby won't want to breastfeed forever.

There are much kinder techniques than cc. I had some success with the gentle removal technique from The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Langley. Basically, you let your baby get very sleepy, then remove your nipple before they're asleep. If they start to fuss then you let them suck again, and try again a short time later. Eventually they sleep. It took quite a while of doing before dd started going to sleep without feeding, and she still likes to feed if she can.

I'm not sure about your dm's pov. Who wants their 6 month old to learn that the world is harsh? I want my children to feel secure and happy, and I don't think cc is a good way to achieve this.

In my opinion (strong opinion) you would be unreasonable to leave him to cry when he would boob to sleep (or even is he wouldn't)

they do grow out of it
comfort sucking is not a bad thing
theres a reason why you feel uncomfortable when he cries
feed him to sleep and dont worry about it

I just find boobing him a bit of a drag, only I can do it and I don't want to have to visit his university halls of residence to get him to sleep!

he is 6 months old my dds were having formula at night at 6 months old and dd2 is now at college I have never gone running in with a bottle for her the bottle/feed at night is usually the last to go, you could either just stop feeding him and insist he takes a bottle or just let him feed and fall asleep

My ds is the same age and will also only go to sleep while being fed and then will only stay asleep whilst cuddled up to me. Yeah it's a schlep sometimes, but I keep reminding myself that a) he's tiny and he needs me, and b) my older kids were exactly the same at this age but grew out of it around 12 - 18 months.

You're supposed to feel uncomfortable when he cries, it's instinctual. It won't be forever and there's really no need to leave him to cry. It won't teach him anything useful and will cause both of you a lot of distress in the meantime.

This too shall pass.

YANBU. CC (not CIO) is not a child abuse technique and does not cause psychological damage. And 6 months is not too early to do it.

We did sleep training when DD was 4 months on the advice of her paediatrician and when DS was 5 months. We were advised to do it before they learn to sit up by themselves, which can lead to dangerous situations when they are alone. It is also better to teach them to sleep through the night before they start teething.

It's difficult OP and you have my sympathy. At six months my ds2 HAD to be fed to sleep, we Co slept and he was basically never in his cot as he wouldn't even nap in it. He's 9 months now and goes down in his bed for naps and bedtime, with no night feeds at all. It took a couple of weeks at most, and didn't.involve cc at all because I refused to do it. There are gentler ways of sleep "training" which end in the same result without the heartache of hearing your tiny baby son themselves to sleep when they know nobody is coming for them.

Sob* stupid phone.

Oh and also "babies have to learn that life is hard"?! Fuck that for a troupe of badgers.

The crying 'passes quickly/in a few days' because they learn that nobody is coming. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Horrible horrible feeling. So why subject a tiny child to it. I can't bear to hear my child crying and certainly couldn't ignore it purely to make things easier for me.

"heartache of hearing your tiny baby son themselves to sleep when they know nobody is coming for them"

OP is talking about CC, not CIO.

"The crying 'passes quickly/in a few days' because they learn that nobody is coming"

And you know this because a baby told you so?

Again, "nobody is coming" is CIO ("Crying It Out"), not CC ("Controlled Crying") where mum goes in every couple of minutes.

THE DON'T CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP! ARGH.

You return in intervals.. they know you are there, you leave them slightly longer each time, that's all.

My son didn't cry to sleep, he cried, was comforted, cried, was comforted, and then would fall asleep being comforted not crying! And eventually not wake up upon being put down! Or wake up 5 more times in the night! Cos he figured out he wasn't getting boob, not because he was traumatised that no-one came to his cries!

(Yes I still think you could feed for a few more months though. Be absolute about the bottle if you don't want to BF at night any more. Just don't give in on that front.)

I just don't see the need for 'sleep training' at all. You train a dog, not a baby.

I misread and thought this was about CIO.

I am going against the trend here, but I bf all of mine for 1 year, and I didn't feed to sleep with any of them past the early few weeks. I fed them and then did various things to signal sleep and bedtime. One of mine had a dummy (was very very useful up to age 1) as he was very sucky and wanted to suck to get to sleep. He was my most settled best sleeper and only needed to be given the dummy at night if he woke.
Others had a mobile with a wind up tune, tucked them in all sleepy etc ect.
One of mine woke lots in the night to feed and at 7 months I really didn't think she needed to feed for 5 minutes at 1 am, 3 am, 5 am, and 6 am, then feed properly at 7 am. She wouldn't take a dummy, so one night I did cc at 1am. She then slept through for the first time, and stopped waking in the night.

So I wouldn't rule out some cc if you feel you need to, but I would try a finding a bedtime routine so your dh can also put him to bed sometimes

Does CIO mean cry it out ? if it does then that is different from controlled crying parents who do control crying or versions of it to try and get babies to self settle are not monsters who are leaving their babies to cry,

I did a combination of CC and sitting on the floor and gradually going tot he door, imo if you dont do co sleeping then it is ok for babies to learn to just fall asleep on their own

Infact it is ok for all babies to just fall asleep on their own

I had never even considered CIO as an option o.O

Amazed it has even has an acronym on here. Do people really still do that?!

DS1 was fed to sleep for all naps and sleeps until he was 9 months old. I was really worried about him going to the CM for the first time as he'd never slept without being fed first. Day 1 she texted me at 0915 to say that he drifted off to sleep in her arms without a problem. Babies, I think, can tell people apart and how he acts for you may well be different for your DH.

At 6 months, I'm pretty sure that feeding/cuddling/being close to Mummy are all one and the same. I give my 2.10 year old a cuddle and kiss at every sleep and naptime. I'm sure it's the same at 6 months too.

Makes.little difference to me whether it's cc or cio, still involved crying when it doesn't need to. And the wording of the title included "leave my baby to cry".

"You train a dog, not a baby."

You will change your mind when your baby is old enough for potty training

"still involved crying when it doesn't need to"

I'd like to know what constitutes "need", if not the sanity of an entire household enduring consecutive sleepless nights.

When your baby grows up, there will be tears when you say "No" to his demands. Do you intend to give in to your child's every whim so he will never cry?

, still involved crying when it doesn't need to. And the wording of the title included "leave my baby to cry".

crying is how babies communicate sometimes babies grizzle and have a moan before they fall asleep they cant speak and sometimes they will cry if they are pissed off and cant sleep so are babies never ever supposed to cry then ?

sometimes they just do and don't need comfort, how would you feel if somebody said you are smothering your child and stopping your child from expressing emotion, and your child may grow up emotionally damaged and unable to express annoyance,

I second the Pantley Pull Off Method which is No Cry Sleep Solution. I did this very gently over a period of a few weeks when DD was about 4 months. Now she associates being nice and full with going to sleep, but that doesn't necessarily have to mean a boob in her mouth. She will now happily drink from a cup and go to sleep without me if I'm not there.

At 5 months my DS would only fall asleep by feeding. Not in the car, not in the pushchair, sling or anything.

At 6 months I went back to work FT and my parents started looking after DS in the day. From the beginning he went to sleep in the pushchair because he knew there was no breast available.

I continued feeding to sleep at night and sometimes the weekend cos its so easy

Around 8 months he started to refuse to feed to sleep in the day a right pain cos I wanted to sit down not walk the pushchair

From 11 months he readily accepted being BF then having a book read to him and then going to sleep in his cot. Now, even if I try, he won't BF to sleep. So I definitely won't be doing it when he's at uni!

I am personally against CC. We tried it and it was awful for everyone involved. We've done gradual withdrawal with far fewer tears and it works for us. But I know that at 6 months DS was not ready. He was ready for it at 11 months.