to leave DS to cry?

[CreamOfTomatoSoup]

He is 6 months and likes boob before sleep. He won't have a bottle, even though he will happily take one in the day, so I know he is comfort sucking.

So how old do babies have to be to learn from CC? I don't really want to do it but can't see any other way around this conundrum. He doesn't have a dummy and I'd rather not introduce one now.

AIBU/Cruel?

He wants comfort? How VERY dare he!!!!

So if this was an elderly person, or someone with special needs, you would leave them when they were upset because you wanted to sleep?

No?

Thought not.

Just because a baby is tiny, doesn't stop them from being a human being. Just because crying is their only way of communicating doesn't mean its okay to ignore it.

I can't believe the amount of people that have left their children to cry. Frankly its disgusting.

I very obviously didn't say babies.shouldn't.ever cry. I DID and will continue to say that leaving babies to cry because they "just want comfort" and have got used to a certain way of going to sleep and don't want that to change, is unnecessary. There are many other ways of achieving the same goal without leaving the baby to cry.
And no, I do not.inyend to always give my baby everything he wants. Right now he is.whining at me because I won't let.him play with the doors.on the TV cabinet. But that is entirely different to ignoring a baby's actual cry because they need comfort at bedtime. I didn't do any form of sleep training on my.ds1 who is seven, I didn't feel the need. He has slept.in his own bed in his room since he was two and is perfectly happy.

"I don't want to have to visit his university halls of residence to get him to sleep"

ha ha - very funny. Now you do know don't you that he won't be wanting to breastfeed when he's at university?

It was a little later than six months, but shortly after that my DS started to occasionally have some boob before bed and then take herself off and go to sleep on the bed with no boob. Now, at 13 months we are long into her having some boob as part of bedtime routine, but either having a short snack and breaking off to clamber down to daddy for stories and bed, or doing the same after I suggest it. I am starting to see the day in the very near future where there will be no boob involved in the routine, even if Mummy isn't around (there's no boob obviously if Mummy is out for the evening, but that's not usually the case.)

There's nothing wrong with nursing to sleep at six months. And it will alllllll go away soon enough and you'll miss it. I promise.

I'm with sirboobalot

I'm with sirboobalot too. A baby wanting its mummy for comfort?what a disgrace, why doesn't he watch tv, go nightclubbing or some other activity.

It's no wonder Western cultures have such mental health issues, with parents leaving their babies to cry. No wonder so many adults have depression problems.

Exactly, economistexra. The cultures with the highest rates of depression / stress / severe mental health conditions are those that also have the most "baby trainers" and least support. Certainly not a coincidence.

I envy you wish I could boob to sleep, instead ds 9 monts bottles to sleep. He is only little enjoy the early days

Have had bf issues I only stopped expressing last week

It is so sad, we live in such a selfish society that parents don't want to comfort their baby unless they feel like it and want to 'train' their baby.

I think its a very valid point that you wouldnt leave an older person to cry and become distressed, but its ok to do it with your baby?!!

Well the Anti crew are out in force now.

The thing is OP that there are two sides and not one side is ever going to back down. Some people think it is heartless and cruel and others think it is perfectly reasonable.

You have to ask yourself if your DC is ready though. It shouldn't be for your benefit, whatever you decide to do.

Your baby needs comfort as much as milk - even more so at vulnerable times like feeling tired and cranky. A child of that age has no concept of what CC is, all he will know is that Mummy always used to come to him when he needed her and now she won't. Pulling the bottom out of his world will make him even clingier than is normal for a child of his age and create more problems. They need love, love, love, love and love.

I still boob my Ds to sleep for naps and bedtime and he's over 18 months. It can be a bit boring at times, but I use the time for just relaxing and thinking about all sorts of things, and enjoying all the cuddles and love that no-one else can share. He will small for such a short amount of time, so just enjoy the boobing. If something feels wrong to you, then that means it IS wrong for you and your child. Doesn't matter if 99% of other mothers do it, do what you know deep inside is right. You certainly don't have to do it, so why say there is no choice? My mantra about things that are a drag about motherhood is simple: suck it up. You won't suffer from occasionally being a bit bored, but your baby will certainly suffer from being denied his most important source of love and comfort. As mmmerangue says, whatever you do shouldn't be based on what is best for you over the baby. The old, bullshit notions that children have to learn to be tough are not only plainly illogical (how can small tots understand anything but rejection and hurt?!), but cruel. So Bfing is a bit boring now and then. Get over it. I say that with much affection, btw, OP.

I still bf my 16mo DD to sleep! She'll stop eventually (her brothers did). Am trying to wean her off it at night, but going slowly because I don't like hearing (even great big) babies cry. Follow your instinct OP. If it stresses you to hear DS cry, then there is absolutely no need to do it.

do the people who think mothers who let their babies whinge a bit are monsters do you actually think that we who did leave babies and toddlers to themselves and not scoop them up every 5 seconds are actually that uncaring seriously ?

CC is not letting babies 'whinge a bit', Mrsjay.

CC is not letting babies 'whinge a bit',

doing it the way it should be done is a little bit of a winge and baby a short cry letting a baby get so worked up really isn't CC imo do parents who never let their babies cry feel they do better than others ? do their babies not cry because they dont let them? how does a mother feel when she cant get her baby to stop crying

oxfordbags do you think mums who let their babies cry uncaring ?

It's all about the degrees of the matter, Mrsjay. Letting your baby whine for a min or two because you happen to be on the loo when they wake up from a nap is entirely different from sitting in another room letting them wail for ages and ages whilst you think "They have to learn".

And there's not a mother on earth who hasn't been able to stop her child crying for whatever reason, now and then, there's no need to get silly. Holding your child whilst they wail but won't stop has got nothing to do with CC or CIO. The OP doesn't want to try CC, but she's been getting the idea that it's something she has to try. All evidence points - not to mention common sense and empathy - to letting a child cry needlessly being harmful to them not only emotionally but neurologically. Letting a child cry beyond just seeing if they settle themselves after a bit of a grizzle only teaches children that they can't rely on receiving comfort when they truly need it. That insecurity makes them clingy, whiny and difficult, so when parents consider CC as a way to stamp out demanding behaviour, it's illogical.

"All evidence points to letting a child cry needlessly being harmful to them not only emotionally but neurologically."

There is no such evidence.

You are thinking about a study on the totally neglected children of a Romanian orphanage, which is not relevant to a loving family where a baby is left to cry for a few minutes before mum comes back in again.

"only teaches children that they can't rely on receiving comfort when they truly need it"

How on earth would you possibly know that? Maybe it teaches babies that mummy and daddy are really slow in coming when the night falls? And maybe it teaches babies that it is not worth screaming the house down in the night because all they get is a few hugs and kisses rather than a bottle of milk?

Try to remember that sleep trained babies are as well loved as yours, with loving devoted parents. These babies do receive comfort when they truly need it. And they are kept warm and fed. And they are changed when wet.

It is a very strange (not to mention offensive) assumption that parents who sleep train their babies don't give them comfort when needed.

"I still bf my 16mo DD to sleep"

Surely you are aware that it is not usual for toddlers to be breastfed to sleep, but that is your choice and nobody here is judging you for it.

Aren't you lucky? I bet it's better when people don't attack you for such choices, using inflammatory language like "disgusting", for example.

I think 6 months is still so tiny. They cannot express their needs properly. It's a bit different to a toddler who has been up and down twenty thousand times and asking for teddy / drink / light on and off etc. Even then I'd just say back to bed and tuck them in every time. You can't do that with a baby. They don't understand.

I'd continue to feed to sleep for however long is necessary.

Nothing unusual about breastfeeding a toddler to sleep... Just that in the UK our breastfeeding rates are shockingly low.

Cote I posted a link to a study that was nothing to do with Romanian orphans above - it was about cortisol levels in babies left to cry. That study took me all of 20 seconds to find - there were many more to choose from. The body of research is there.

Not feeding to sleep is a choice parents have, but it should be an informed choice.

Agree with you on the use of inflammatory language though, this thread is starting to turn into a bunfight, unfortunately.