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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why the elevenplus forum parents put their DC through it when

156 replies

safflower · 17/10/2012 14:42

they are so stressed themselves?

Apparently it is results day. There are parents beside themselves whilst they wait for the 4pm email. Some have had children in tears this morning worrying if they have made it. If the parents are suffering, I cannot imagine what those poor children must be feeling.

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/10/2012 14:46

Some of the parents on that website are scary!

It is ridiculous to have children crying over results, and I think that if that is happening its the fault of the parents not handling the situation sensitively.

I do feel for parents going through the 11+, it's hard when you know that that is the hurdle you have to jump through to secure the right education for your dc.

Original poster

safflower · 17/10/2012 14:51

Am watching with interest and horror tbh. Obviously a stressful time but if this pressure has been around the family for up to a year or more it cannot be good for anyone.

OP posts:

Woozley · 17/10/2012 15:11

Yes, can't wait for this in 3 years time. Ugh. It's not just passing, it's getting a high score as well that is important.

Original poster

safflower · 17/10/2012 15:16

I was reading back at some posts from feb/march time on there. Parents were saying how stresssed they were gettting as dc were only doing an hour a day etc and they wanted more from them
ffs - nobody died because they didn't pass their 11 plus but plenty of dc end up with psychiatric problems and eating disorders from pressure to please the parent. It is all quite hideous, yet am glued to it today. [saddo emoticon]

OP posts:

mummymeister · 17/10/2012 15:28

...wonder why parents put DC's through 11+? catchment school EBac score of 11% grammar school 80+%. thats why we do it really. my DS looked round the local catchment school and just hated it. he has been the driver behind the 11+ not us. if he hadnt been then he wouldnt have done the extra work at home or sat the exam.

Original poster

safflower · 17/10/2012 15:34

Not wonder why they put them through it, but wonder why they put them through it when they themselves get so stressed out for months, what does that do for the child? They pick up on it.

No problem with 11 plus. I went to a GS, but there was no pressure to practice at all. I don't even remember my parents discussing it with me, they were that laid back. Things have clearly changed.

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 17/10/2012 15:37

Yes it can be a bit intense on there.

Mosman · 17/10/2012 15:52

I think the parents let it out on that forum rather than

Mosman · 17/10/2012 15:53

In real life much as most do here on mumsnet

IKilledIgglePiggle · 17/10/2012 16:05

My DS got 282..... The maximum mark.

You should see the mothers I have had mooching up to me this week, it's so competitive and sad......I am very proud but am so so not the bragging kind.

Our results arrived on Saturday morning

TheCraicDealer · 17/10/2012 16:18

When my DT and I sat the 11+ everyone in our year at primary school also did it at the same time, it was no biggy- that's just the way it was before Sinn Fein "scrapped" it. Now the whole system is waaaay more stressful and I feel sorry for any child going through it.

thekidsrule · 17/10/2012 17:05

yanbu op but i come from a very different background regarding upbringing and education so find it difficult to sympathise etc with parents like you described

half the time when an educational topic,grammar etc and guidlines come up i havent s clue what posters are on about

so maybe im a little harsh on a pushy parent because of my upbringing and living or atleast feel like i live a different life from many on MN

anyway think i may pop over to that forum now for some light entertainment

Sparklingbrook · 17/10/2012 17:18

Dim question alert. I have a DS of 13 and a DS of 10. I don't even know what the eleven plus is? It is because there are no Grammar Schools round here?

IKilledIgglePiggle · 17/10/2012 17:30

The eleven plus is the Grammar school entrance test. In our county it consist of two papers, verbal reasoning and non verbal reasoning, children sit them in year 5 and depending on the outcome you can apply for a place at a grammar school.

If you don't have the grammar system near you then I suppose it's not a concern.

Getting into a Grammar is like free private scoop round here, that's how it's viewed anyway......lots of boys from prep schools failed but are going on to a private secondary rather than the local comp.

IKilledIgglePiggle · 17/10/2012 17:31

School.....not scoop, bloody I pad.

Sparklingbrook · 17/10/2012 17:33

Thanks Iggle. It's a bit odd round here because they don't got to High School til Year 8 anyway. I don't think I will start worrying then.

gallifrey · 17/10/2012 18:32

I grew up in Kent where the 11+ is still going. I didn't realise until I was older that not everywhere did it.
Bloody awful thing, I failed mine but still went to a good school, still hurts even now that I was branded a failure at that age.

Tressy · 17/10/2012 18:39

It was only when I joined mumsnet 7 years ago that I found out they still had 11+. We are from a fully comprehensive area and the nearest grammar school is 40 miles away.

Sparklingbrook · 17/10/2012 18:54

I think my Dad did the 11 plus. He's 73.

eBook · 17/10/2012 19:31

Everyone used to have to do the 11 plus. And most of the older generation are perfectly well-adjusted.

invicta · 17/10/2012 19:38

The other forum is good for providing support, advice and information. The parents may be a bit frantic, but no different to the year 6 parents I saw at the school gate. Its an important day, and can affect the course of the child's life. For alot of people, that website is the main source of information about the 11+, because schools are useless at providing information (or are not allowed to ).

busyboysmum · 17/10/2012 19:41

I did the 11 plus but it was less competitive in my day which is why there was no stress I think. Basically you did it at school and about a quarter of your class would pass and go to the local grammar school. Usually the brightest ones and no-one got tutored.

Nowadays it is crazy here - we are in Trafford. For 180 places at the GS which is 5 mins walk from us there were over 1300 applicants. Many of whom live no-where near, aren't even in Trafford. I think because of the recession it must have got worse because people who would have sent their kids to private school are now doing minimum 2 years of prep school and/or intensive coaching to make sure they don't have to pay 7 years of private fees.

My ds1 has just taken his but we made sure that there was no stress, asked him if he wanted to do it which he did because all his mates were, we prepared him for the tests here which are Verbal Reasoning, NVR and maths. Then we left it at that. We get our results on Monday so we will see how things go, there is a bit of nerves because I know how intensively others have prepared their kids for it so you do wonder if you are letting your child down by not pushing them hard, but I do believe in a good life/work balance. He is only 10 after all.

Original poster

safflower · 18/10/2012 11:15

Yes, in my day everyone did it. Nobody made a big deal of it either. Some went off to GS others didn't. There wasn't even much discussion. Certainly nobody felt they were a failure for not getting through it and nobody thought they were anything greater for passing. I think in those days none of us worried about the next school. You just went to school A or B

OP posts:

socharlotte · 18/10/2012 12:31

Kids put pressure on themselves too.it's not all down to parents!
My 7yo has 3 elder sibs at GS and I can tell it is already preying on her mind,

mudipig · 18/10/2012 12:32

My sister has entered her ds2 and is waiting for results. Her ds1 went to a dreadful comp and was and is still being bullied. The results are 40% better at the grammar.

The problem is, you are competing with all the dc are prep schools who are spending a lot of time preparing for the exam. As such, in order to stand a chance, you do have to spend time doing past papers. Because without doubt the results get better with practice.

Yes it will be disappointing if they don't get a place. But in that situation you have to try.

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