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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is a BYOB wedding reception wrong?

124 replies

headisintheshed · 13/08/2012 23:31

Asking this question on behalf of my friend. She's on a budget for her wedding and hiring out the local church hall but there's no bar. She wants to pay for the welcome drinks and toast by getting in some prosseco and wine and will provide soft drinks but is she being unreasonable to ask people to byob instead of a wedding present if they would like to drink?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2012 23:37

No, I'd be happy to go to a wedding like that. What's the point in her spending all that money and getting into debt when everyone could just pay a tenner or so?

If the wedding party is her true friends, they'll be fine.

Aeryn · 13/08/2012 23:41

Anyone who would be annoyed with was only going for the free bar in the first place. You're there to celebrate not sponge. It usually work out cheaper to BYOB anyway so I fail to see the problem really.

wheresmyperry · 13/08/2012 23:41

That's not only fine, it's much better than a cash bar. Just make it very obvious on the invitations so no one's caught out.

joanofarchitrave · 13/08/2012 23:42

That's absolutely fine. I would tend to avoid asking for wedding presents as well (though would have a few ideas if anyone asked, which a lot of them will).

PatFenis · 13/08/2012 23:48

I would be more than happy to go to a BYOB wedding rather than pay £7.50 for a single vodka and tonic and £5.75 for a pint of lager ....I was verging on drinking toilet water at the last wedding I went to!!!!

EduStudent · 13/08/2012 23:50

No moralroblem with it, but I've always wondered, where do people put it during the ceremony?

waterlego6064 · 13/08/2012 23:50

Sounds great. I'd like to go to a wedding like that.

Aeryn · 13/08/2012 23:51

EduStudent In their car? In someone else's?

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 13/08/2012 23:53

not really, but I'ld hate it. I don't drink wine or beer, all the wine drinkers would bring cheap wine (or beer drinkers cheap beer). I'ld bring something I do drink.. the cheap wine n beer drinkers will go 'OOo I might have one of THEM for a change" - drink it all and leave me with wine and beer - which I hate!

And then there's the knobs who bring a bottle or some cans then go mental if anyone dips into "theirs" by people who had everyone else drinking theirs

this has happened at every BYOB party I've been to

I'ld rather a cash bar so I can buy my own spirits and mixers

I don't really mind as alcohol isn't that much of a priority for me, but PLEASE provide LOTS of soft drinks so that people aren't left with nothing they brought left (I always bring some appletizer or similar which gets drained in 2 seconds flat by the cheap wine n beer bringers)

Original poster

headisintheshed · 13/08/2012 23:53

So 'Due to there not being a bar at the venue we would appreciate it if you brought your own alcohol instead of a wedding present' at the bottom of the invitation?

OP posts:

whois · 13/08/2012 23:53

BYOB much better than an over priced pay bar

EduStudent · 13/08/2012 23:55

Of course I knew I was missing something obvious...

LackingNameChangeInspiration · 13/08/2012 23:55

I would phrase it "bring a bottle to share" not "bring your own bottle"

because half will leave theirs out to share with everyone, and will assume that everyone else means the same, and another half will hoard and guard "theirs" and there's always bad feeling between the two camps at some point!

Original poster

headisintheshed · 14/08/2012 00:02

Thanks guys. Her family dont drink but her fiance's and all of us do so a bar is important. I dont think many people would have a problem but she was worried people would turn their noses up because its asking for things from your guests.

OP posts:

ElephantsCanRemember · 14/08/2012 08:31

No, I would prefer it to a paid bar.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2012 08:42

Warm wine/beer though?

iguanadonna · 14/08/2012 08:47

Bring a bottle to share is a nice way of putting it. I wouldn't be in the least offended. It'll be a good party.

ElephantsCanRemember · 14/08/2012 08:47

Sparkling I have no shame, I would roll up with a big ice bucket in which would be a many bottles of wine and I would carry it proudly . I would also hold it on my arm (like the Queen does with her handbag) when I went to the buffet table. Nobody would get between me and my chilled wine.

niceguy2 · 14/08/2012 08:49

I'd happily go along to that wedding. Genuine friends won't mind at all. It'll be the bitchy ones who will pass judgement.

fruitysummer · 14/08/2012 08:51

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, however I can see some people might be bothered.

I would do it differently though.

Buy a shed load of boxes of beer/lager - when they are an offer and Wine. A few bottles of spirits and loads of soft drinks.
Then I would charge for them. Some of the beer offers at the moment make them 50p a bottle, even if she just charged £1 or £1.50 she'd still not be out of pocket and she'd be able to afford to pay 2/3 bar staff.

Just a different thought

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2012 08:53

Elephants Or maybe a huge coolbag? Because I am a bit worried where you would get the ice from.

sudaname · 14/08/2012 08:54

Hmmm - am not against it per se and it's a case of what's right for the happy couple really it's their day and fair enough if not prepared to get themselves neck deep in debt for their wedding, as many do.

But l too have been to a few of these that have turned out problematic. Once went to a barbecue where a woman - a friend of a friend - snatched a bottle of gin out of my hand as l was pouring some into my glass - which she and friend had brought between them and there was no other gin apparently.

l told her not to even think of going anywhere near the burgers and kebabs my DH had made and brought with us as our contribution (as well as nice bottle of wine) in that case.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2012 08:55

Ooh no. It could become all territorial couldn't it?

What are the non drinkers doing?

Hopeforever · 14/08/2012 08:56

We went to a similar wedding, it was wonderful. We left the bottle in the church hall before going into the church.

It was really nice to be invited, if there had need free drink the couple would only have been able to invite very few people. There was a great atmosphere everyone mucking in, helping to set up, clear up etc.

As said before, if someone minds, do you really want them there to celebrate your special day.

Hope you friend has a wonderful day

EdithWeston · 14/08/2012 08:57

It wouldn't bother me - would prefer it to cash bar tbh (and would still send a present).

A wedding reception is the smart version (or one step up version) of what your normal way of entertaining people, and it may have to be at a venue because it's a larger party than you can do at home.

It's not some set piece wedding-merchandise-wallah's marketing ideal against which you are marked out of 10 and during which you have to do things in ways that you wouldn't do for other events.

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