Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Is a BYOB wedding reception wrong?

124 replies

headisintheshed · 13/08/2012 23:31

Asking this question on behalf of my friend. She's on a budget for her wedding and hiring out the local church hall but there's no bar. She wants to pay for the welcome drinks and toast by getting in some prosseco and wine and will provide soft drinks but is she being unreasonable to ask people to byob instead of a wedding present if they would like to drink?

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2012 17:12

mumutd totally agree, rather than the wedding being about the dress, the food and the venue - it becomes abut two people, their family and friends and a celebration of the marriage

EdithWeston · 14/08/2012 17:48

"'The reception venue is unlicensed so we'll be buying as many drinks as we can; if you're picky, greedy or just feeling generous then feel free to bring a bottle to share (or hide under your table)"

Perfect!

LynetteScavo · 14/08/2012 17:51

I don't think it's wrong. I think it's unusual.

In response to the person who says it can be a financial burden on the guests, I think if you aren't providing booze, you should mention that there is no need for a gift.

NervousAt20 · 14/08/2012 17:51

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar, I always expect to pay for my own drinks and I'd be more then happy to go to a bring your own booze

Midgetm · 14/08/2012 17:54

Think it's a great idea and anyone who can't be arsed to BYO shouldn't be at your wedding anyway.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/08/2012 20:28

Thanks Edith - it seemed to go down well with our guests

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 14/08/2012 21:48

Went to a wedding like this last year, it was ace! We took a bottle of vodka and some lemonade and had a brilliant night on £20. Everyone was up dancing early on too and there was a great party atmosphere! No queuing for drinks etc. home made buffet too. The couple were on a tight budget but had one hell of a knees up! So much fun :)!

WillfSelll · 14/08/2012 22:01

We asked people to bring a jar of garden flowers for the table, bottle, cake (for our cake competition) or a cheese/chutney etc. We had a caterer for the hot meal and bought a shedload of wine from a well-known wine warehouse on sale or return. These were the only wedding list - NO gifts allowed!

Lots of people bought booze. We'd paid a couple of girls to be barstaff and asked people to donate their booze to the 'bar'. The wine merchant hired big buckets and ice. The bar served wine (for free obv) and therefore we didn't have lots of waste on tables. They also served all the donated wine first. This meant a. we had enough, b. if people didn't want to bring booze they didn't have to and c. we had a healthy amount to return for a refund.

I was of the view that I didn't want gifts but people were able to make it a great party if they wished to contribute; but equally I wanted to provide what I could afford for people who had travelled a long way to have a good time. It worked out really well in the end - we stayed within budget but people got involved (in lots of other ways too). It was lovely.

If I was invited to a BYO wedding I'd be very happy.

DoItOnce · 14/08/2012 22:20

willsell that sounds likeable perfect wedding.

thelastrolo · 15/08/2012 00:57

I went to a BYOB wedding reception a couple of weeks ago. Had a great time and worked out much cheaper than a cash bar.
The only thing I wasn't sure about was if I needed to bring my own glasses so you might want to put a note on the invitation to let people know one way or the other.

ListenCuntoMe · 15/08/2012 01:09

We had a BYOB - provided a couple of kegs of beer, red & white wine, champagne for the toasts & a few other drinks - the guests were told this & advised if they wanted to drink more or other to BYO, it was a marquee in a very rural spot though so no shops/pubs/anything within a ten mile radius.

It was brilliant.

ListenCuntoMe · 15/08/2012 01:12

Oh & we had a 'bar' in one of the barns for people to dump booze that had plenty of glasses, ice & all the drinks we were providing.

hazchem · 15/08/2012 09:11

Atruth love the wording! I bet your wedding was loads of fun

Diddydollydo · 15/08/2012 09:23

I think if they are on a budget then it's a brilliant idea to ask people to bring a bottle to share.

It's sad that a previous poster says it would make them 'ashamed', There's nothing shameful about not having much money but wanting to celebrate your day with your friends and family.

MarthasHarbour · 15/08/2012 09:41

OP i am astounded that you have said that 'a bar is important' to the day, what? more important than spending the day with friends and family celebrating your friends happy occasion?

and the poster who would take 2 boxes of stella, 6 bottles of wine and a bottle of baileys between two - i would end up in A&E!! fair play to you!!

Well i think it is a marvellous idea, the bar prices at our wedding were so ridiculous that the guests were nipping to the pub next door and bringing them back to the beer garden where we were! (it was a balmy summers day and the wedding was in a local bistro/restaurant venue so plenty of pubs nearby) I wish we had thought of BYOB

YouOldSlag · 15/08/2012 10:43

There's nothing shameful about not having much money but wanting to celebrate your day with your friends and family.

Exactly. Why should you need to be either rich or in debt to get the big hotel/castle/ 3 course dinner etc? It's about the couple wanting to get married, not about the frills. It's all become a circus that is prohibitively expensive for both the B and G and the guests. I fully applaud anyone who breaks with today's expectations and does it simply and cheaply.

Willsell, your wedding sounds so wonderful I almost wish I could have mine all over again and do it your way!

DoItOnce · 15/08/2012 10:54

I have sat through two wedding knowing that the couples could not afford them. One was my BIL's, he ended up crying on the phone to my DH asking for several thousand pounds. never repaid it, surprise, surprise they had 8 bridesmaids etc,etc. So showy so skint! I find that shameful.

Our wedding cost a few thousand, it was very small and we paid for everything, it was lovely, happy and stress free.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2012 17:13

many people have byob party so why not do the same at a wedding

many bar prices are inflated (ours wasnt thank god) and often a glass of wine/g&t/pint of beer can be £6/7 and at one wedding i paid £3.50 for half a pint of coke, so a pint of coke was £7 - the beer was £6

cheaper to get pissed

nasirDZ · 05/11/2016 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Trifleorbust · 05/11/2016 07:20

It wouldn't be the right choice for me - going against the grain a bit but I don't find it particularly hospitable

Ifitquackslikeaduck · 05/11/2016 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daydreamnation · 05/11/2016 11:30

We did this, we had a very lovely, down to earth wedding, which many people said was the best wedding they'd ever been to We asked for people to bring drinks instead of a pressie and we hired a big chiller fridge for it all. We provided glasses a delicious buffet and piles and piles of delicious cakes and deserts! We also made sure there were plenty of nice soft drinks and cartons of juice etc for the little ones.

KatieScarlett · 05/11/2016 11:40

This is a great idea. I would bring a fuckton of booze for DH to share and a six pack of limoncello for me and rejoice at not paying hotel prices for drinks. Genius.

haveacupoftea · 05/11/2016 11:52

I think it sounds fab! I might even do this at my own wedding!

Nothing worse than the pretentiousness of modern weddings and much nicer not to spend your day pretending to be rich when you aren't!

Kel1234 · 05/11/2016 11:56

Personally I don't agree with byob to any type of event. I've always thought that if you host, you pay for everything. I've never asked anyone el bring anything to any event.
But each to their own. And if I'm attending an event then I always take something

Flip

1 2 3 4 5