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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is a BYOB wedding reception wrong?

124 replies

headisintheshed · 13/08/2012 23:31

Asking this question on behalf of my friend. She's on a budget for her wedding and hiring out the local church hall but there's no bar. She wants to pay for the welcome drinks and toast by getting in some prosseco and wine and will provide soft drinks but is she being unreasonable to ask people to byob instead of a wedding present if they would like to drink?

OP posts:
MrsUppity · 14/08/2012 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cmt1375 · 14/08/2012 12:52

We asked a local pub to supply a mobile bar to our church hall reception, which was reasonably priced and easy to arrange.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/08/2012 12:54

I'd be delighted if I could drink wine I liked and not sour crap for £1000 per glass (slight exaggeration, but only slight).

Do it.

ivykaty44 · 14/08/2012 12:56

I would much prefer it to an over priced bar in a hotel where I have to pay £3 for a soft drink and £3 for a beer each round at the least.

I could get a selection of beer a couple of bottles of wine and a selection of soft drinks for £20 which would be two rounds of drinks - then get a taxi home Grin

weddings are about celebrating not dishing out a load of dosh to a barperson

usualsuspect · 14/08/2012 12:57

I love informal weddings though, much better than stuffy sit down affairs.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 14/08/2012 12:58

We did something similiar to this for our wedding last weekend. We bought a couple of boxes of local cider for arrival drinks, enough cava for the toasts, and the equivalent of about half a bottle of wine for each adult guest. On the invite we wrote something along the lines of 'The reception venue is unlicensed so we'll be buying as many drinks as we can; if you're picky, greedy or just feeling generous then feel free to bring a bottle to share (or hide under your table)'

Guests did just that - some bought nothing, some bought booze that they gave straight to the 'bar' to share out, others kept it on their tables and dipped into it all night. No-one seemed to mind, because all options were available.

Our calculations must have gone wrong somewhere though as we ended up bringing over 80 bottles of wine home! (If anyone fancies a drink... Smile)

Oh, one final thing - if the venue isn't licensed I don't think they'll be able to offer a cash bar.

nipitinthebud · 14/08/2012 13:06

I'd have no problem with a BYOB note on the invite. Its quite common to have the first drink or so free and then the rest as a cash bar. Because there's no bar there, I think a BYOB is fine. And as they're on a budget, in this economic climate I think its emminently sensible not to splash out if it would be over and above their means.

However, going against the general concensus I would prefer if it was worded just 'BYOB' rather 'BYOB to share'. I would happily share whatever I brought to anything, but I think the share bit could come across as 'please fund our evening drinks' rather than a invitiation to bring whatever you wanted to drink to the occasion.

DoItOnce · 14/08/2012 13:09

I think it is a great idea. I love informal wedding too, they are usual much more fun and I find are usually more romantic.

I wouldn't ask to bring booze instead of a present though. I would just ask people to bring their own and, then, separately tell them that you do not wish to receive presents. If you link the two things directly people might feel more obliged to buy expensive drinks.

Also, your friends need to make sure there's enough mixers, water or soft drinks.

DoItOnce · 14/08/2012 13:11

I agree with NipItInTheBud about BYOB rather than BYOB to share.

Borntobeamum · 14/08/2012 13:14

Just a by the by, our local church hall doesn't allow alcohol on the premises.
I believe they can apply for a license but ours refuses.
Maybe check it out before making a final decision.

feetheart · 14/08/2012 13:23

We did a bit more than this at our wedding - it was a picnic at a lovely English Heritage place. We provided bubbly and cake (big and VERY chocolaty as I don't like fruit cake) and guests brought their own picnic, extra drinks and outdoor games. We asked people to count the entrance fee as a donation to English Heritage instead of giving us a present.
A wonderful day was had by all :)

YouOldSlag · 14/08/2012 13:26

Well I think it's great.

Back in the olden days, weddings were usually the ceremony, then a buffet and drinks in a village hall or a pub.

Lately the wedding circus has gone mad and snowballed to almost comical lengths, without which MN would lack some of its most classic and ridiculous threads. Everyone tries to bankrupt themselves trying to achieve The Dream, and the actual meaning becomes lost among the the chocolate fountains, bridal favours, gift lists and lofty isolated venues.

It's really nice to see a wedding going back to basics and proving you don't have to be rich in order to love someone so much you want to marry them. Everything else is just frills.

I hope your friend has a great day and I bet it'll be a great atmosphere too, OP.
Here's hoping simple, down to earth weddings are making a come back.

NoComet · 14/08/2012 13:27

Fine by me, I'd love to be able to buy J20s at supermarket prices for the DDs and wine and beer for us.

Bar prices especially for soft drinks make meAngry

YouOldSlag · 14/08/2012 13:28

PS the invitations could say: "Welcome drinks, a sparkling toast and soft drinks will be provided. However there is no bar so please bring your favourite drink to share throughout the evening. Ice buckets provided!

mumutd · 14/08/2012 14:06

Another suggestion to think about, how about stating on the invites that due to the venue not having a bar, instead of gifts would people like to contribute financially to a booze/drinks account. That way, the couple get the money before the day and purchase the drinks. Nobody will then be feeling territorial over their bottle that they had brought.

mumutd · 14/08/2012 14:09

You could set a limit, say £10 per couple (not sure how many are invited), but say you've got 20 couples, that's £200 that could be spent on booze from the supermarkets. You should get quite a bit for that amount and your guests have only paid £5 each! A much cheaper night than having to purchase drinks from a bar and you'll overcome any arguments on who brought what and how much they brought etc.

ScarletLadyOfTheNight01 · 14/08/2012 14:20

To people who think it's tight and they'd be ashamed to do it...not everyone can afford to spend shit-loads on a wedding. Ours was on a tight budget, everyone invited was close family and friends who were happy just to see us married...I also knew everyone would be happy to chip in, so I really don't see the issue. I certainly wasn't ashamed.

We just wanted to be married...I don't see why everyone has the need to do something extravagant. If you have the money then great! I'd have loved to have more to spend on it...but the fact was, we didn't. It was still a magical day.

Obviously it won't work for everyone...but then nothing does.

Fecklessdizzy · 14/08/2012 14:39

I think it's a fine idea! Smile

We've been to a few like this, best one was a giant party in a field in the back of beyond with all the guests camping and bringing food and drink to contribute instead of a wedding pressie.

Look at it this way OP, all the reasonable people who love your friend for herself will come and bring nice bottles of this and that and have a good time, and all the snooty minxes will be horrified at the very idea and stay away! Result! Grin

honeytea · 14/08/2012 14:41

I think it's a fab idea! We will do the same at our wedding, infect we will ask for guests to bring a dish and bottle instead of a gift. We have massive families, just our closets relatives are around 80 people so we just can't afford to feed and water them all but wedhate to have to cull the list down.

MixedBerries · 14/08/2012 14:43

BYOB receptions are great! I had one! As far as I know everyone else thought it was great too as we're all on a budget these days. And those who wanted to be flashy were flashy (bringing champagne) and those who didn't want to be, weren't!

itsjustmeanon · 14/08/2012 14:45

I'd love a BYOB wedding.

mumutd · 14/08/2012 15:28

I think weddings on a budget are actually some of the best weddings you can go to, much more personal and about the couple rather than the money. Less things to stress about etc, I'm sure your friends will have a wonderful time whatever they decide.

mumutd · 14/08/2012 15:30

I know weddings are expensive but it can also be a financial burden on some of the guests. Lots of things for them to consider, possible babysitters, outfits, presents, drinks bill and possible accommodation bill. Anything that makes the day more affordable for everyone, especially in this current climate, is sure to be a hit Smile

YouOldSlag · 14/08/2012 17:02

Oh please let's have a return to the simple wedding!

Church first, then scout hall with a buffet, a disco/band and loads of kids dancing with the bride.

My family would be so happy if they could bring their own booze. Give my Dad a can of Worthingtons at supermarket prices and he is a happy man.

Wedding guests get worried these days if an invite lands on the mat.

"Kids, we love you, but we've had a wedding invite, and er, we can only afford to keep one of you from now on"

Noqontrol · 14/08/2012 17:09

Brilliant idea. Id be happy to pay less and get to drink what I want.