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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if an HV makes the comment...

189 replies

nickelbarapasaurus · 25/06/2012 11:32

"some of the answers you gave on the MH questionnaire make me a bit worried you might be prone to PND", that it might be worthy of a follow-up?

from someone ?

that was the comment my HV made (about 5 mins before she suggested that i should go to some of the Children's centre sessions, even though she knows i work 6 days a week, because she had to visit me in the shop Hmm ) when DD had her 12 week check.

she's now 6 months (28 weeks today) and i've not heard a peep from any HV since.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/06/2012 11:37

Don't you have a GP you can visit?

stmoritzsmells · 25/06/2012 11:38

some hv's are just plain odd.

apparently if we dont all vaccinate our children, attend the local surestart centre and other toddler groups, and co sleep with babies then we may have underlying post natal depression. At least that's the feeling I get from what I've seen and heard on occasion.

Original poster
nickelbarapasaurus · 25/06/2012 11:39

that's not the point, Worra, my point was that I would have expected a follow-up from an HV - otherwise why make the comment?

how would they know if i'm sitting in a corner weeping, or in total denial, or anything?

they don't know if i am suffering or not, and i could be one of those women who refuse to admit to a problem. (i am one of those with normal health problems, so...)

OP posts:
FeakAndWeeble · 25/06/2012 11:40

Same happened to me, I thought about it after she'd left, decided I was just feeling a bit down; a few months later I found myself hiding from DS in the shed rocking back and forwards because I couldn't face changing his nappy. So I phoned the Dr and got some medication.

The HV can't do much for you other than advise you appear to be depressed and then leave it to you to decide whether you were just having a bad day when you saw her, or if you need medical help. In which case go and see you doctor.

Hope you're ok OP

RecursiveMoon · 25/06/2012 11:40

nickel, visit your GP and explain your concerns. They will have a standard test that they use to assess depression, anxiety etc.

I took a list of symptoms when I went to my GP and handed it to her, so that I couldn't minimise things like I usually do.

Good luck lass.

FeakAndWeeble · 25/06/2012 11:41

stmoritzsmells I think you and I share HVs Grin

Original poster
nickelbarapasaurus · 25/06/2012 11:59

but that's the thing, I don't want to visit a GP.
I want someone to ask me if i'm okay.

I especially want the HV who raised the concern to follow it up!

and how do i know that i feel shit etc because of pnd or because of the stupid failing stupid business that keeps costing me more and more money?
Maybe the stupid decisions that have cost me more than they've saved are down to pnd and not the fact that actually, i'm just a bloody idiot who doesn't know to run a business?
is my judgement shot because of the hormones or because of the desperate need to claw back a few pence (which seems to cost about 3 times as much as it saves, but I don't find that out till afterwards, oh no)

or the fact that the stupid baby switches from whinewhinewhine to scratch(herself, not me) to eating my chin and pulling my hair?

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 25/06/2012 12:10

The HCAs are so stretched round here.
When the midwife did her visits, she was way more tired than me covering extra shifts and on-calls. And the HV was way more stressed than me - she had 2 mobiles with her that kept ringing, she was all in a flap and basically threw a load of leaflets at me (PND/children's centres etc) at me before she left. I did think 'crikey, what if you do actually need support'? But I guess she can tick her 'info given' box.

Kleptronic · 25/06/2012 12:13

Are you ok, nickel? That doesn't sound like ok to me.

You are not an idiot or stupid, you are a woman coping with a baby and a business. Either of these would be hard on its own, together, wow, if you're not ok I would be completely unsurprised.

That's a really harsh voice you're talking with there. You are doing what you can, and if you are struggling then you deserve support.

You have identified you feel like shit and you feel you can't rely on your judgement. The baby is getting on your nerves. You are worried about your business, and you want the HV to follow up concerns raised. I think you have identified you're not ok, and that is a good thing - it takes a lot to recognise when we're struggling. You need to take care of yourself, and get the HV round, or see the GP.

And have a bloody big hug from a random stranger

MeconiumHappens · 25/06/2012 12:13

You are ultimately responsible for your wellbeing, and need to go and se gp if youre concerned. We cant judge the situation with the hv because we dont know what happened next. What did u respond to that with? Perhaps by the end of the convo she felt confidet that u had good support/would access services/werent at risk etc. Did she give you info on how to contact a hv/where the clinics are etc?
perhaps you need to start a thread about the business problem and have a good old vent about that?

MrsMicawber · 25/06/2012 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllYouNeedIsAClickyBallpoint · 25/06/2012 12:22

Yanbu. Of course they should be revisiting you and offering support.

You sound like you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment, and like klep said before, just looking after a baby alone is enough to deal with sometimes, but to have your own business to deal with too? Nigh on impossible some days.

Does your dh know you're feeling like this? Could he ring the HV/GP on your behalf?
Do you get any time to yourself?

I do remember 6 months being a difficult age - you're past the brand new baby stage, so no-one offers help any more, but they're still up half the night, so you're still knackered etc.

Have another from a stranger.

RecursiveMoon · 25/06/2012 12:22

I'd skip the HV and go to see your GP instead.

We're asking how you are nickel. And it doesn't sound like you're fine. So sod the HV and go to see your GP.

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2012 12:22

nickel I don't know what to advise :( wish there was something someone could do

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2012 12:22

Oh, nickel, I'm so sorry to hear you sounding so stressed and busy. I've read your comments about your business before and if I could go buy books from you, I would! It's really rotten that it is so much stress.

I agree it is poor to make the comment and not follow up. Maybe bring it up with a GP when you see them?

meconium - I think 'you are responsible for your wellbeing' is an argument that makes perfect sense when it's a physical issue. But isn't the point about a lot of mental or emotional issues like PND that the sufferer is not always in a good position to seek help independently? I've certainly always been told this about 'ordinary' depression, that the reason we've got better at putting in checks and systems is that a very common, integral part of the illness is feeling too afraid to seek help, or feeling you're not worthy of anyone's help.

I don't think we can apply the same logic to mental issues as physical.

Someone could be coming across very coherently online, like nickel, but still be really in need of more than a throwaway comment like this. I'm not saying that is you, nickel - but it could be, so I agree it is right to worry about what the HV did.

lilypainter · 25/06/2012 12:23

Ideally they'd follow it up, but in some areas the HV's are overstretched and struggling to get around all the routine appointments as it is.
And in our area, they've also been having some sort of reshuffle with HVs being moved from one area to another. I can imagine things falling between the cracks when that happens. Which doesn't excuse them failing to follow things up, but may explain it a little.

It may help to visit the GP and have a chat with them.

Hope you're ok.

Original poster
nickelbarapasaurus · 25/06/2012 12:24

there's a chance i'm not ok.

after i typed that (because she was pulling my hair and eating my chin, even though she'd just been fed, and pulled herself off!), i placed her down on a cushion (which was quite hard given the way i felt, actually), i pulled my sign in from the pavement (and broke it a little bit), dropped it on the floor, closed the door and bolted it, turned the sign round to closed and went upstairs with DD and cried.
I've come back down now with a cup of tea and re-opened, but i still seem to be crying.
:(
i don't think i'm depressed - i don't feel like this all the time.

i am stressed, though. i know that.

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 25/06/2012 12:24

Yanbu to think there should be some sort of follow up.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and it might be worth having a chat with your gp.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2012 12:25

Btw, you are not an idiot!

We are in the middle of a recession. Even impeccably-run businesses with lots of money and years of professional expertise are struggling and going bust. I know that's not the most encouraging thing (!), but it is better - and more accurrate- than blaming yourself. Give yourself a break, lovey.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/06/2012 12:26

my questionnaire answers indicated i HAD PND and nothing happened, which is crap.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/06/2012 12:26

I don't think depression is about feeling this way all the time, nickel. You can feel brilliant sometimes, other times not.

Please do get to GP.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/06/2012 12:27

YANBU

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 25/06/2012 12:27

Nickel - I hardly know you, only from on here, but that post with all the "stupid" in just isn't you at all - you even said "stupid baby" Confused
Please phone someone - either the GP or get someone to go to the GP with you for moral support - that just doesn't sound like you at all. Even if it is "just" the stress of the business and not pnd, hearing it from the doctor will let you know for sure.

littleducks · 25/06/2012 12:29

Maybe she should have......but y'know what I think right now you need to worry about you not her. I have seen you on countless threads and you have never sounded like this before, I second (thrid?) the suggestion of a GP visit, maybe you have PND, maybe its just a bad time, maybe its plain old regular not connected to baby depression, I don't know, your HV prob wouldn't know but hopefully your GP can start trying to find out.

Noqontrol · 25/06/2012 12:29

Are you ok Nickel? You really don't sound ok at all. Depression can fluctuate from day to day, but it doesn't mean you don't have it. Ok the hv sounds a bit useless, and the ideas she have given you are no help at all. But the doctor can help, really, get an appointment and talk it over with him / her. Don't stay feeling like this, life's too short as it is.