to think that if an HV makes the comment...

[nickelbarapasaurus]

"some of the answers you gave on the MH questionnaire make me a bit worried you might be prone to PND", that it might be worthy of a follow-up?

from someone ?

that was the comment my HV made (about 5 mins before she suggested that i should go to some of the Children's centre sessions, even though she knows i work 6 days a week, because she had to visit me in the shop ) when DD had her 12 week check.

she's now 6 months (28 weeks today) and i've not heard a peep from any HV since.

Time away is important too though, isn't it? You can't spend every minute when she's asleep working, you'd get even more stressed.

You need that time to do stuff that doesn't require thinking. That's really important.

I'm not that near you, but I do have the advantage of very flexible time almost always. I'm not around tomorrow but other than that, if you wanted a spare pair of hands, I'm there.

the problem with the changing town is that the whole point is that i want to serve my own town :(
they already feel neglected, so it wouldn't help them at all.
(and canterbury's two waterstone's has already successfully closed down a long-standing indie)

Nickel, you need childcare. It cannot possibly be helpful for business to have the only staff member tired and distracted by a bored infant. This will only get worse the older she gets... How on earth will you be able to effectively deal with customers when you have a walking, tantrumming toddler who is intent on ripping the shop apart and is bored of being cooped up in the same small space day after day.

It's not good for business, it's not good for you and it's not good for her.

thanks lrd :)

i just want her to sleep!
that would be a start. if she would do that, then i would be more likely to have time that i can work.

oh. a website that knows when a book isn't available would be great.

I can't begin to get my mind around what it is like with a baby who won't sleep, but you are clearly doing far more than is tenable.

I hope she will get into a pattern soon.

Nickel I totally get where you're coming from. I too have PND and yet I'm fine a lot of the time. And people say to me 'oh but you seem fine on other threads I've seen you on'. It's called being very talented at putting on a very good front.

We set up our own company 18m ago and it's doing really well, which is one relief but I work all the hours I can, often odd hours as it's when I'm needed. We're looking into childcare currently as it's getting to the point where I can only work when 11m ds is asleep which is not enough. Are you able to claim tax credits? We are both employed by the company rather than being self employed but on a minimal amount and then claiming scant dividends. This means that we can claim tax credits inc childcare element.

Working for yourself is immensely hard especially when you have a small baby too. Please take care of yourself and get in touch if you want a chat anytime. And make that GP appt. I have.

They are mostly useless, they spend the majority of their time dealing with children who are on the child protection register. I didn't see mine at all once ds reached 6 months. I'm a single mother, and I had no one when he was a baby. I can't remember his first few years as I was knackered.

I'd pop and see your GP. Stress can do weird things to a person. When she's asleep, use the chance to blast through your lists of things to do. Don't forget to stop for a cup of tea and a few moments of nothingness. I'd come and give you a hand in your shop if I was closer, I love books.

Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day. Whatever you're doing, take your time and don't be too harsh on yourself.

I agree completely they should follow up. To me noticing pnd (or mental status towards it) and not following it up makes the person feel less valued.

To me if the HV is so stretched as to not be able to follow up a person at risk, their job is wasting everyone's time & money.

Imagine if councils had roadworks teams that identified potholes but no-one to fix them - we'd be outraged at the waste of money being spent.

If the HV just swans around parents, asking questions and ticking the box, but not providing support to those in need, then they should be disbanded. Better no illusion of service than a service which doesn't provide anything useful.

Summer - thanks, that makes me feel more positive! (still, it made me laugh...)

I can't afford childcare! I can't even afford to pay the shop's bills!
I wish I could re-think the business (i have rethought the business several times). I want to move it further up into the town where it gets more passing trade, so that I can afford to pay a member of staff and have a couple of days off in the week.
I moan too much about the shop.
there's nothing I can do about the shop until this time next year (because of the lease)
and i'm trying to organise extra events and things, and when they go well, it makes me feel better.

I just changed her nappy and cooed over her for a while.
she's happy, i'm happy.

here's irony (that seems to be a main feature of my life atm) - she entertains herself for a few minutes, i think "oh, i'll do that printing now", i repair the printer, the computer freezes.
why does that always happen?
i can cope if "dd quiet, mummy do work", but it's always "dd fractious, mummy need to do work, dd quiet, mummy can't do work"

Sorry, I know its not what you wanted to hear but it is a huge consideration.

I'm talking from personal experience, trying to function normally with a baby / toddler around is nigh on impossible and it's no wonder you're not feeling great.

Even a few days childcare a week would massively increase your productivity.

Have you considered selling more than just children's books? It sounds like you're in a small town and a children's book shop is quite a niche market, maybe too small a niche in your town? You could stick with books and sell a greater age range, or stock toys and games. What about school text books, don't know how it works over there but school books are big business here.

Stop eating my hugs MN, they are for Nickel who needs them.

Sorry I can't offer any practical advise, help out or be of any real use, but just wanted to give you a hug xx

There's an independent book shop where I used to live which used to have a cafe inside as well. It's always packed. Nothing fancy, just wraps, cake, salads and tea.

Or...what about a baby/toddler group inside your shop?

ah a book shop with coffee and cake. If you have nearby parking, baby changing and market yourself as baby friendly that would be a lovely place to go. Maybe do a story tell and sing session once a week or something, it doesnt have to be a fancy affair, just read and sing with your little one.

I'd section an area off, little people running around and cups of tea isn't a great combination. I'm fairly sure you'll need a toilet though, just one will do (possibly, you'll have to look into this). It would be lovely though.

I dithered about posting this comment, but I will anyway, even though it's got nothing to do, really, with your OP.

I have read quite a few of your MN posts, particularly about your shop. I have stopped - where possible - buying books for DD on Amazon, and buy them instead at a lovely independent bookshop in our town. Sometimes I buy them from a shop that isn't quite an independent bookshop but is part of a smallish chain (was an independent for a very long time, and still feels like it). Both experiences are much nicer than going to a big chain bookshop or online. I feel valued and happy there, and (here's the point) I think of you whenever I go. Even though I don't know you (though I think you may have replied to one or two threads of mine). Just because you sound nice and like you really care about your business and customers. I want to help other people trying to run a business like yours. Anyway, not at all massively relevant, but you sound like you are having a crappy time and I wanted to say something nice to you.

(Nice small chain bookshop does a loyalty card thing where if you get 10 stamps you get £5 off a book. Even though I'd have saved loads more buying the books on Amazon, I love getting the stamps - am sure it's been suggested to you but hey, it gets in suckers like me, so maybe worth suggesting again!)

building's too small.
I have tried to diversify a bit - i do toys and games workshop too. I get good response, but i think it's position - not enough footfall.

the cafe next door is currently changing management, which could be great - I've spoken to them, and we've discussed opening out the back yard into a little seating area, and join forces. (just got to wait for the new owners to take over...)
I've got an editorial (as part of an advertising campaign) in the local paper next month, where i'm going to be bigging up the wonderfulness of the shop.
I've started up my storytimes again (something that I only stopped because I didn't have a spare pair of hands - DH is now being forced to help on his days off ), and I've got one next week where a friend of mine is coming in to read the stories.
and I've got a "Where's Wally" thing going on with some of the other shops for the whole of July (must remember to write the press release!)

I think i've exhausted myself with trying to kickstart myself. That can't help, can it!

right! Own up!
who sent me these lovely, wonderful, smelly flowers?

It says "hang on in there lovey, this too shall pass, pom bear and the cubs"

I nearly cried again!

They're lovely, thank you very much :) [grinning from ear-to-ear]

everybodysang, thank you. :)

i wish I would stop moaning about it, though, i really do

i've got a toilet, upstairs

meh, I used to run my own business and I moaned about it all the bloody time, even though I loved it. I think it goes with the territory. It's massively stressful.

I hope you get some help to feel better. It is crap crap crap feeling like you're not quite right.

i do have a few books on parenting, yes :)
(and each time I get one or myself, I buy it in for the shop if it's useful - MNHQ, I have your first year book on my shelf! )