Husband secretely takes day off

[katieks]

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

I think it is very good for people to take this kind of day off every once in a while.

Better though if both partners can do this without feeling guilty and without feeling as though they need to do it secretly because the other will disapprove.

get a grip OP he's a big boy and can do as he likes.

'Dust - I disagree totally, but that's one of the joys in life isn't it, to be allowed to have your own opinion'

We often disagree, but I always respect you in the morning Chipping.

PocPoc: "But AThing there was no inconvenience... the day and the morning routine went on as normal.. he wasn't dumping 'extra work' on the OP... his taking the day off to chill out had no bearing on her day whatsoever."

But maybe had he been a little less selfish he could have eased her burden a little in the morning by helping out (could have taken the kids to the CM for example, and given the OP chance for an extra cup of coffee before she left) and then had his day playing PS once she'd gone to work? I have no issue with people taking time out from their day-to-day life, but they have 2 children under 2, life is hard for both of them and for him to not only do this on the sly but to not even attempt to help out, in fact to act as normal as if he is going to work, is a really really shitty thing to do and I really would be angry with that. He is effectively saying that he feels it's more important for him to get time out rather than her.

When you have children then I really think that annual leave needs to be something you discuss between you in order to make sure it is used effectively - for childcare, for family holidays, and yes, for a little time out. Perhaps in future OP, you and your husband could decide in advance where to use the bulk of your holidays, and each leave say 3 or 4 days "emergency" leave for children being sick or for you each to take a day off for yourselves. Just make sure you use them equally for the children and for yourselves, don't let it be that all your days go on sick kids and he gets left with 3 days of Playstation

I wonder if MNHQ can suspend a specific posters use of emoticons?

AF we don't know that he specifically lied. Sometimes I leave before DH is up. Sometimes we haven't had any conversation about "what are you doing tomorrow" the night before. If he had planned a last minute day off he might not specifcially tell me but not being decietful. However he never has last minute days off, I do, and I'm always up before him!

However, if he did mean to deceive her he is mean. I dash around getting the children where they need to be, and the reverse at the end of the day - often leaving work un-done. I'd expect him to do that for me. To everyone saygin if he told the PO she would think he was selfish - maybe that's because it is selfish?!

However, are you sureit wasn't a case of there was a delivery coming and one of you would ahve to take the day off so he decided he might as well do it then? After all he wasn't having a purely selfish day - he was getting a delivery.

Dust

Who do you mean Chippin?

Stealth - if he wasn't having a purely selfish day, he could have asked her if she'd like to sit around in her pants all day waiting for a delivery or he could have done some of the million things that need doing. His day was entirely selfish - and fair do's - I don't have any problem with that at all - just him lying about it.

Stealth - I can't think, just something that randomly popped into my head

I don't hate men.

I hate lying. From anyone.

Mrspotter, interesting piece of art work or are you a bit sad/bored?

I'm not sure if I agree with you Chipping completely lost my train of thought!
I think it is selfish to engneer a day off when with very little effort you could pick up some of the "big effort" tasks that your OH has to pick up.

There are times when I am really glad I am not married.
According to most on here, OP's dh lied because if he hadn't he would have been presented with a lost of things to do?

Poor baby.

Is there no way that he could have had a grown up and sensible conversation with you beforehand, to say that he really needs this day to himself, you should take one soon too, and that when he has recharged his batteries he will be a better man for it

WTF happened to communication? Is he 14?

It would also make me wonder just how much he has been doing this. OP can hardly take reciprocal time for herself if she doesn't even know he is doing it.

YANBU

I don't see where anyone lied in this thread. If the guy had got dressed in suit and left house complaining of a busy day in the office and then been found in his shorts he'd have been lying (and wasting money on overheating the house) but this guy just didn't mention it, but may have done when the OP returned from work that evening.

And the post office thing?
Seriously-is he 14?

Yes thats what I wonder 2, suppose it depends on your routine. He had rearranged the parcel, so presumably the OP would ahve realised it had arrived and therefore someone had received it.
NW I agree

I amazed people are so frail that even the mere suggestion that their spouse take a day off at the same time as them is so upsetting it "forces" them to tell lies.

It's amazing what naturally dishonest people will tell themselves to justify their lies.

Northern - if this is thread is anything to go by, behaving like a selfish, lazy, entitled, spoilt, dishonest 14 year old is a sign of adulthood.

Depends on how much of a nagging micro-manager you are in a relationship with I suppose (non-gender specific)

Not really - two decent people who both pull their weight have no need of nagging or micromanaging.

Not all relationships involve one harried gobshite covering everything (the woman, mostly) while the other does whatever they like.

I couldnt enjoy a secret dayoff knowing DH was driving out of his way to take the DCs to nursery, and dashing out of work, letting people down to pick them up when he didnt have to. It would ruin my secret day

AThing. Everyone tells lies to some extent. It is a very rare person that is honest about absolutely everything (yes even o their partner).

Don't judge people who are honest enough to admit they bend the truth every now and then to make life easier. One major milestone in childhood is developing the ability to lie (appears with the theory of mind stuff).

Like it or not lying is a part of life.

A friend of ours has had a baby. Her and her husband are over the moon and loving being parents.
A few times I have seen her out on her own, just having a little walk about with her ipod on, or on her mobile phone. I mentioned this to DP who said Oh she'll be having a bit of me time. I mentioned it to my grandmother who immediately said "Well WHO is looking after that baby?"
Erm...presumably its father, her husband.
(All is well in their relatiosnhip btw)
I just don't think having children excludes you from wanting some alone time. In fact, I think it becomes more important and it is very easy to get caught in the cycle of getupgetbreakfastgetoutdotheschoolrungotoworkpickthekidsupcookteatidyupbaththekidsputthewashingonputthekidstobedcupofteacollapseintobed.

Why do these thread always have those people on them who go on about hating men? I bloody love men, but OP's husband is a boy, and being married to a boy would drive me insane.
I had a thing once with a man who was a single dad.
The relationship fizzled out, but the thing I liked about him was that, probably because he had been solely responsible for his kid for years, was an actual grown up.
He was into his music, and probably x box too, but he had no problem organsing his life the way he wanted it, while at the same time putting his family first.
Not because someone told him to, but because he was an adult with responibilities.
I can't imagine that, in a live-in relationship, he would be afraid to tell his partner that he needed a day off.
Why do these men/boys behave like children, and then act offended when women treat them as such?