Husband secretely takes day off

[katieks]

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

Personally, a day of for either party is at each of your discretion and hardly worth bitthering about. If you wanted to give him jobs or spend time and not give him some space - i think you have bigger issuesa

may have been the football?

If he had told you, how would you have reacted?
Does seem a bit odd,

If it wasn’t a big deal then why didn’t he tell you? It doesn’t seem as if he forgot, rather deliberately didn’t tell you. My suspicious mind would be working overtime thinking about what he had planned. I think that lying by omission is still lying personally. Anything that causes mistrust in a relationship isn’t good news.

I thought my partner got home around 3:15pm, to pick our son up at 3:30pm. Then we got an alarm that clocks who turns it off/on when via an app. Turns out its between 11:30-2pm and sometimes around 15mins after i leave.
Over the last 6weeks he’s taken 2days off per week too. Zero communication. I am in the office 9:10-5:20 mon to fri unless its closed or we are abroad.

Why donyou need each others passwords to everything? I don't even know my own email password

Honestly, if he works full time and it's just a random day, I wouldn't be upset and would make a memo to book myself a similar day. Sometimes it's nice just to have the house to yourself and chill in your pants

Is there a term for when a zombie thread fully reactivates with an update from the OP like this one has? Is it a Lazarus thread?

I would do this 😂. I have 2 younger sisters I would hide in cupboards so I didn't have to listen to them waffling on. I hide from my teenage sons

My ex use to take time off too (a lot, without telling me), but it was because of his addiction to Call of Duty. We also had a baby. I understood it as an addiction to gaming. Once his work called because they were worried about him - he told me he was on leave. Another time a colleague asked about his welfare and I thought he was at work (!). The concern for me is the discrepancy in password access. I wasn’t even allowed to be friends with him on FB (so I couldn’t see his activity) and he used to steal money from me by noting down my bank card details for online purchases. All the deception led to depression so i really truly empathise with what an absolute knock to your world this is. I hope your situ turns out to be much much much better than mine but no harm in opening a secret little savings account.

@katieks

I don't know why he didn't tell me. I expect it's because I would have suggested that he take a day off when I could take one too. But we have also been discussing going skiing for a long weekend and that we would need a day or two off for that. Maybe that planted the idea?

What's really annoying is that he's been working really late in the evenings and when I gently 'confronted' him about it, he just said that it was because there was loads of work to do and not enough time in the normal day to get it done. But there's time for a random day off???

Maybe if he’s been working long hours recently, that is why he needed a day off just to himself. Perhaps he’s been feeling a bit stressed with work and didn’t say he was taking a day off because he just needed a day to himself to recharge his batteries. He may have thought that if he told you, you would ask him to do something during that day. If that is the case, it’s better than him plowing on a work, until he’s burnt out and needs sick leave.

Personally, I wouldn’t get worked up about this if he is a good husband and father.

I think you just hit the nail on the head. You don’t communicate anymore due to the constant demands of work/family life. Maybe it’s time to pick a night or 2 were you don’t watch tv whilst eating but sit at a table and talk.

I think he didn’t tell you because he wanted a day all to himself to do his things. He needed space and he may have thought if he told you then you would give him a list of things you wanted doing or even book the day off to share the day with him. Marriage can be stifling at times

I don’t think it’s the end of the world, maybe he just threw a sicky? Would you have “allowed” him a day to just do sod all if he had made you aware?

Don’t we all need a breather sometimes? Maybe he feels like he’s not allowed one?

Are you sure he hasnt done this before? Does he definately still have a job etc?

He is deceitful, secretive, selfish and weird - you can't trust him - I really wonder what else he keeps from you - couples counselling maybe - why would he decieve you like this? mmmmm

People, honestly. Just read the updates🤦

Sounds like he’s just being a typical bloke and not thinking too deeply. In his head the kids are going off to nursery as normal and you’re going off to normal and he’s not going to work so is just going to be at home. Men can be quite basic whereas women can overthink things.

@Whatabouteryallaboutery

Is there a term for when a zombie thread fully reactivates with an update from the OP like this one has? Is it a Lazarus thread?

Dear God, these replies should be used to warn people who they shouldn't marry as they will take away their rights.

I don’t find it odd. Life sounds very busy for you both and he probably just wanted a day to himself just to breath rather than doing jobs. Everyone needs those days, especially when life is busy. Not that big a deal.

I think
It’s funny - sort of thing I’d do - and get caught! He wanted a day all to himself with no tasks loaded on, no company, just a day, by himself, to chill. Maybe if you don’t make a fuss about it, he’d tell you next time.

Just realised this post is nine years old so I doubt we will get a response from the OP

@londonscalling

Just realised this post is nine years old so I doubt we will get a response from the OP

Actuallyyyyyyyyyyy

😂
Look at yesterday's posts

I know it's an old thread but who cares. I see nothing wrong with what he did. I take days off and don't tell DH. I just want the house to myself with no chitchat and no responsibility.

It's not like he has a woman there. He just wants some r&r. I'd encourage you all to try it once in a while

Kids sent to boarding school at seven years old? That seems awful to me, even if they come home at weekends. Boarding school has been accused of creating sociopaths.