I am in Waitrose. Would I be unreasonable...

[seeker]

......to run beserk up and down the aisles with a machine gun spraying bullets indiscriminately?

Yes. Save that behaviour for Morrisons.

Yes that's behaviour more suited to ASDA

You're actually in there now?

I can see where you're going with this, what with Waitrose people being the more huntin'/shootin'/fishin' type but I'm still not sure it would fit in?

Maybe if you were wearing proper plus-fours in tweed? You might get away with it.

Have you a holey Brora cardi to go with?

why do you feel like doing that, seeker?

I love it in there, it's so calm and serene.

I'm just about to go to Waitrose - I'm a bit scared. I hope you're not in my local one.

Could you not equip yourself with a large can of squirty cream in each hand and do a sort of ninja/kung fu pand/mission impossible/Charlie's Angels run down the aisle squirting people and shouting BANZAI! and HAI! as you go?

Why?

Yep. I am in the cafe with a cappuchino and a croissant served on oh so tasteful china after paying insane amounts of money for things called "a pinch of sea salt" "a dusting of icing sugar" and "a grinding of black pepper". The hideous smuggery of the place and my fellow customers is bringing out my inner serial killer.

I know you're not in our local Waitrose, as there is no 'phone signal at all wahtsoever and very annoying it is too.

seeker you have been had. Anything labelled "a pinch of" or "be generous with the..." has an alternative on a nearby shelf at half the price.

No Brora cardigan. But I am wearing a Boden jacket and reading an Antonia Forrest.

Right I'm leaving now, will check cafe for Boden woman before I feel safe just in case.

I'm not sure waitrose is for you then, perhaps you're more of an Asda girl.

You need to go to Aldi.

Yes, OP, run away from all products that look like they must have been named by Sophie Dahl, and run TOWARD all products that say "Essential" or "Price Match Tesco"

But make sure whilst you are doing all that running that you take the time to enjoy the wide aisles.

Ooh Waitrose is the Valium of supermarkets. I feel all serene and happy in there

I felt a bit murderous in the Apple store yesterday. I love Apple but an hour looking at their oh so cool haircuts and endless high-fucking-fiving. I felt like I was slowly drowning in trendiness.

I know. I'm an Aldi woman. But then I buy bizarre things because I'm ashamed of my middle class trolley. I'm still cringing at rhe memory of 7 year old ds's cut glass tones echoing round the Sittingbourne branch "oh look, mummy, they've got jodhpurs!"^

oh this actually makes me feel uncomfortable, as there was a loon shooting shoppers in my home country only a few weeks ago.

...

There's an Aldi in Hounslow?? Since when?? HOORAY!!

Gwendoline I would seriously worry about anyone who could spend any amount of time in an Apple store without homicidal thoughts resulting. The whole barf-inducing "selling the lifestyle and graciously allowing you to spend an appalling amount of money on an OK product" thing is enough to drive anyone over the edge.

Waitrose is lovely and understated. I like a dusting, smidgen of stuff.....NEVER shop in the budget places as I can't stand it...and they are usually in the middle of a shit hole. The massive Tesco/Asda near me are places to see people casually abuse their children and always has loads of immigrant men in them during the day....not women, it's weird.

Classic Waitrose thread about aspirational toiletries

PosieParker, are you suggesting that immigrant men are more likely to abuse their children?