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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put baby in nursery?

105 replies

SacreLao · 21/10/2011 23:19

I am currently expecting baby number 3 :o

I have 2 children that are older (9 and 7 year old) so it's been a long time since I have done the baby stage, my son is severely disabled and bloody hard work at times. This is OH's first baby.

Anyway my 2 older children visit their father for 2 days a week, including overnight, so both me and OH are used to having child free days weekly and we both enjoy it. Perfect time for bonding, catching up on housework, shopping etc.

As much as we both want this new baby and will love it very much, I must admit I will miss having my child free days.

I am considering booking the baby into a nursery for one full day a week (once over 4 months) on one of our current child free days thus giving us one day a week for our bonding / being lazy etc. time.

We can afford this so finances are not an issue but is it cruel to put a baby in nursery when I am at home? The day will be OH's day off so actually we will both be at home.

I see it as no different to having a friend / family member taking baby out for a while to give us a rest, except we have no-one able to do that close by. I really feel that we will struggle without this weekly break as my son can be exhausting at times and a new baby will add to that.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 21/10/2011 23:21

From what age? How many months?

I wouldn't but thats just me.

Birdsgottafly · 21/10/2011 23:22

This doesn't have to be decided yet.

If you are putting the baby in nursery when your DH is off work, you don't know of he will be happy about this, yet.

On face value it is yours and your DH's decision and no-one elses business, if you need couple time.

lydiamama · 21/10/2011 23:22

YANBU at all, happy mum and dad equals happy baby and viceversa, in my opinion, if that few hours appart are gonna give you time to yourself enough to recharge batteries then it is well worthy. Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for the wonderful memorable times to come

cestlavielife · 21/10/2011 23:25

given your son's needs then no it isnt unreasonable. it isnt cruel to allow your baby to be cared for on a regular basis by someone else other than you. tho you/your p might feel differently when it comes to it.

bannedfromhere · 21/10/2011 23:25

You want to put a four month old baby in nursery for one full day a week so you and DH can have some time to yourselves?

Why are you having this baby exactly?

bottlebank · 21/10/2011 23:27

At four months, I think the baby will just want to be cuddled/fed/etc. Do what you feel you need to.

rockboobs · 21/10/2011 23:28

My first reaction was YABU to be thinking of palming him/her off before he/she is even born yet. But when i thought about it i can't see what the difference is whether you'd be working for one day or having time to yourself. If it works for you then it works. Congratulations!

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 23:28

YANBU if that's what you want to do

Personally I wouldn't put a non speaking child into the care of a stranger unless absolutely necessary as that takes a level of trust I wouldn't be prepared to give unless I absolutely had to.

But genuinely, we are all different so if that suits you and your DH then go for it.

thesurgeonsmate · 21/10/2011 23:30

There is another issue, which is whether one day a week is enough for a young baby to settle at nursery.

TheSecondComing · 21/10/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bannedfromhere · 21/10/2011 23:33
bottlebank · 21/10/2011 23:34

TSC, yeah, but it hasn't happened yet. FWIW having a 'plan' was very useful for my DH in imaging how things would be post-DC (his first).

TheBestWitch · 21/10/2011 23:39

YANBU. And I say that as a sahm with no family support who has only been apart from my 4yo to give birth to her little brother and has never been apart from him.
I think most people get a few hours to themselves here and there when their family have the baby for them. If you don't have that help it's hard going so if you've got the money to give yourself a break then why not?

TheSecondComing · 21/10/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucyannieamy · 21/10/2011 23:41

I wouldn't at 4months, if you might breast feed, the hassle of expressing milk makes preparing for a day away hard. We did 5hours out, once, when DD was about 4 months and it took me 2 days to work up to it. Mainly DD went in sling and came to gigs, festivals, camping, shopping etc together. I went back to work full time at 10 months, she's with childminder.

banana87 · 21/10/2011 23:44

I wouldn't as soon as 4 months tbh. They still need mummy then. I would from 12 months though as they start becoming more independent.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 21/10/2011 23:49

There's no way, at 4 months, I would be putting a baby into a nursery unless I absolutely had to, no way.

However, this is your baby, so it's your decision.

Original poster
SacreLao · 21/10/2011 23:52

Guess that's a yes then.

I am asking now as my local nursery has a HUGE waiting list, took me 9 months to get my son a place!

I know the nursery VERY VERY well, both my children went there and I worked there myself for 6 years, it is a wonderful nursery and I would trust the staff there more than my own mother (who is a bit nuts TBH).

We want a baby of course, I guess I just don't see the problem with having one day a week free. FWIW I am not meaning 8-6 but more like 10/11am until 3/4pm.

I wonder if people would have the same reaction if I said my mum / MIL would be having the baby 1 day a week? Is it the nursery that's the problem?

Have not discussed with OH yet, was just wondering if I was being a bit cruel.

I suppose I am pretty scared about having to go back to baby years again after so long and am hugely worried about my son's (whose behaviour has taken a complete nose dive recently) ability to cope with all the changes, and our ability to cope with everything all at once TBH.

Am I the only person to be terrifed during pregnancy about how hard it's going to be?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 21/10/2011 23:54

No you are most definatly not, but you may be pleasantly surprised and get an 'easy' baby.

Do what you have to in the best terests of every family member.

Original poster
SacreLao · 21/10/2011 23:54

Worral - Why does non-speaking matter?

My son is 7 years old and does not speak, does that mean I should stop sending him to school?

I would clearly never leave my child somewhere if I did not 100% trust the people there to care for my child.

OP posts:
poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 23:56

Wait and see how you feel when the baby arrives. There are a few things I had set ideas about pre-DD, but now she is here, i've completely changed my mind. No need to commit to anything now.

Congratulations :)

cestlavielife · 21/10/2011 23:59

what extra help respite do you get with your oldest (other than the two days per week with dad) . you can ask SS for extra respite /help with him for first few months .

Original poster
SacreLao · 22/10/2011 00:00

Thank you poppy.

I suppose things might change and it may be easier than I expect but with the way DS has been since I became pregnant I don't know how we will cope.

Been out and bought door alarms for my bedroom today to make sure that LO will be safe from him at least. Now trying to find an alarmed mattress, like the type they have in hospitals where if you lift the baby an alarm goes off.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 22/10/2011 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 22/10/2011 00:02

I really hate when posters come on here all holier than thou 'why are you having a child?' as if it was just some random idea one day and not they couldn't care less.

Op clearly loves her kids and has a lot to cope with already so by asking 'why are you having this child?' is really mean and judgemental when obv she wants some contstructive advise and not for people to be arsey