Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was this rude?

123 replies

princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:04

Got the tram today with 3 year old dd. It was full, so we stood up. dd was very tired and complaining that her legs were sore, so when someone got off I let her sit down.

A woman got on the tram with a man who was slightly older and started looking for a seat. She spotted my dd and asked the woman on the adjacent seat: 'Is this your child?' I interjected at that point to say she was mine. The woman then said: 'Can we have her seat?' No please or thank you.

I said yes - but was expecting a thank you or acknowledgement. Nothing.

dd was tired, but I was more than willing to give up her seat if someone really needed it. The man promptly sat down without waiting for dd to get up, squashing her!

I got the impression that dd was considered unworthy of a seat as she is a child. I now wish I had sat down with her.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 22:05

were they elderly?

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 22:06

Was the man old or infirm? If not I would have said no. 3 yos are less steady on their feet than the average adult.

Disasterpiece · 03/08/2011 22:07

YABU to have not said something to him.

Original poster
princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:08

He looked in his sixties, not obviously infirm - but I obviously don't know whether he did have any issues with mobility - it was more than there was no explanation or thank you at all. dd is the world's clumsiest child and v unsteady on her feet.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 03/08/2011 22:11

Do kids pay for their seat? I know when I was commuting it would really piss people off to see kids one per seat that was not paid for whilst adults stood. I would rather a child sat on someones lap than stand & get squished. They were rude to not say thanks but not the end of the world.

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 22:11

its a kind of 1950's attitude....children should be seen and not heard etc

find it odd the man took the seat and the woman asked,would have thouht it would be other way round .

odd.....how was he the rest of journey?

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:11

I don't think a child should have a seat whilst adults are standing. Why didn't you sit on the seat and put her on your knee?

G1nger · 03/08/2011 22:11

It's probably best if a 3 year old sits down, but much older than that and I think they should be asked to give up their seats more often. But yes, a thank you is always important.

Original poster
princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:12

I wish I had said something - I was just a bit taken aback. Of course I would give up a seat for an elderly or infirm person who needed it - but why pick on dd without thanking her or me?

OP posts:
Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:13

Maybe he needed to sit down quickly, and that was uppermost in his mind. I think there are more important things to worry about.

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2011 22:14

They were very rude not to thank you for giving them the seat - that's just bad manners

I've never ridden a tram so have no idea how hard it is to balance etc. for the very old or very young.
I have ridden on tube/metro/buses/trains and hate to see little ones or very old people having to stand. And I've been amazed at how inconsiderate people can be in France, Italy, Norway too as well as the UK so it's not just here!!

I'm in my 50s and I would probably prefer to see a toddler seated rather than risk them getting bashed about but equally the elderly should be given consideration for the same reason.

Original poster
princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:15

I had a number of heavy bags with me and it would have blocked up the aisle if I had sat down. I think dd is an important person in her own right - so I thought she should be ok to sit down. She probably did need the seat more than me too.

OP posts:
coff33pot · 03/08/2011 22:16

Its more dangerous for a small child of 3 to stand up on a moving bus. So I think she should have stayed sat or at least she sat on your lap.

The mans manners were rude.

If it was a child of say 6 to 10 then yes they could give up a seat.

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 22:16

It was rude of them not to thank you. We're there not any teens/20 somethings whose seat you could have pinched for dd and made a show of thanking them for it?

Original poster
princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:17

I'm just having a little gripe about something - I know there are more important things in the world - but we are all allowed to have a little moan sometimes :)

OP posts:
Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:18

oh fgs! "an important person in her own right"!!! Do you pay full fare for her?
Was the older man not An Important Person too?

starfishmummy · 03/08/2011 22:20

It is usually in the transport company's conditions that that children who are travelling free or at half fare are not entitled to a seat if there are adults standing so y are a bit u to expect her to sit while elderly people are standing.
But yanbu to expect a thank you. If someone was being rude to me like that i would have just taken the seat myself and put Ds on my knee!

Original poster
princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:21

No need for that Jf. I haven't said he wasn't important - but surely thank you doesn't cost anything.

Anyway - not the end of the world.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 03/08/2011 22:22

Actually, we were in Italy on holiday and the number of young, fit people who sat on the metro, trains and buses while older (or younger) more needy people had to stand was quite an eye-opener.
We are very keen to moan about poor service etc. too in the UK but we had (and have in the past too) been on the receiving end of blatantly surly service in several countries. Despite us being very polite and courteous.

Sorry......... rambling a bit but I think what I mean is that maybe manners and consideration is going out of the window nowadays wherever you are.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:22

Precisely.

Mollydoggerson · 03/08/2011 22:24

let it go, maybe the elderly couple were both pysically and mentally tired, who knows, don't waste energy reading too much into it.

lisad123 · 03/08/2011 22:25

dd2 is only 3.10mnths, and doesnt look disabled, but she has weak leg and hip muscles and tires easily. She has special boots and we have been advised to not let her legs get too tired. If she was sitting and an adult came and asked for her seat I would either explain or sit her on my lap.
YANBU

Bohica · 03/08/2011 22:29

If princess paid for her seat & then gave it up for her daughter to sit on then there shouldn't be an issue, surely princess doesn't have to have her DD on her knee for DD to warrent the seat.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:34

I don't think that is how it works. Why not put her on her knee. I would be very pissed off if I couldn't sit because all the seats were taken by children while the parents stood up. Surely she would be safer held on her mother's knee?

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 03/08/2011 22:38

IMO YABU. I was always taught that it was polite and respectful for a child to give a seat to an adult. I pass the same message on.