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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was this rude?

123 replies

princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:04

Got the tram today with 3 year old dd. It was full, so we stood up. dd was very tired and complaining that her legs were sore, so when someone got off I let her sit down.

A woman got on the tram with a man who was slightly older and started looking for a seat. She spotted my dd and asked the woman on the adjacent seat: 'Is this your child?' I interjected at that point to say she was mine. The woman then said: 'Can we have her seat?' No please or thank you.

I said yes - but was expecting a thank you or acknowledgement. Nothing.

dd was tired, but I was more than willing to give up her seat if someone really needed it. The man promptly sat down without waiting for dd to get up, squashing her!

I got the impression that dd was considered unworthy of a seat as she is a child. I now wish I had sat down with her.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/08/2011 22:45

Yes, he should have said thankyou, but (and I am no doubt old fashioned in this belief), I do think children should give up their seats for adults. It is manners. If your child is small, then sit them on your knee.

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 22:45

I hardly think someone in their sixties or seventies come to that, would thank any of you for calling them elderly Grin
Im also intrigued how all those who say the op should of sat dd on her knee imagine she was going to do that as the op was standing ,it was only her dd sitting .

LolaRennt · 03/08/2011 22:48

Good point made about the woman asking on the man's behalf. He probably did need the seat and may have accidentaly squashed your DD. No apology or thank you is not on though and I would have said something. CHildren need to learn to expect to be treated with respect.

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 22:52

Really - a preschooler should give up a seat to someone in their 20's say? That's madness!

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:52

If she sat down when the seat became available, and put the child on her knee, which would seem the sensible thing to do, then no-one could sit there.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 03/08/2011 22:53

Is respectful not mad.

Bohica · 03/08/2011 22:53

OP said she had lot's of bags & didn't need to sit. I agree a school aged child should give up their parents seat but a 3y old on a long day out warrents a seat as much as an able bodied adult imo.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:54

Chilod gives up seat if adult is standing- so yes.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:54

Child- sorry!

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:56

Who cares if it is a long day out- up to the OP if she chooses to keep child out shopping! Did she actually say it was a long day out?
Might have been a very long day indeed for the older man.

Poppyella · 03/08/2011 22:56

YANBU.

She is entitled to sit as much as anyone else, silly rude mannered old farts!!!

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 22:57

But she isn't entitled to sit if an adult is standing.

Poppyella · 03/08/2011 22:59

Why the hell not!!!!!??????

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:00

But jonnyfan ,her mother is an adult and she had given up her entitlement to a seat for her dd , so why does mr no manners trump the op ?

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:01

BECAUSE THEM'S THE RULES. You don't pay full fare , so they are not entitled to a seat.
OK?

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:02

The man may well have needed the seat more than the child but he still should have thanked her and apologised for sitting on her!!!! Also I think someone more able to stand should have offered their seat to the child - I would have.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:04

Good for you, Mighty Quinn. Do that a lot do you? If the OP really wanted her child to sit, she could simply put her on her knee.

Poppyella · 03/08/2011 23:04

Who made those rules up then? It is not the LAW you know.

It is not the rules you silly person.

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:05

But Jonny she would be entitled to sit on her mums knee so her mum and her were entitled to one seat between them which her mum was choosing not to use. Not that any of that matters. Common sense should dictate that those who are least able to stand get first dibs on the seats.

kiki22 · 03/08/2011 23:05

i think the point is more that they didn't say thank you! not if the 3 yr old or the older man should have the seat. Very rude not to thank you at all i would have said something...

I was on a bus last week that was packed and was standing bump in full view only 1 person offered a seat who was a woman about my age (mid 20's) with a 2 yr old on her lap i took the seat but offered to take the child on my knee (since i was able an old man might not be able or comfortable doing this) mum was more than happy with this, bit of curtisy and common sense and everyone was happy... simple

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:05

So if an 18 year old wanders on to the tram ( fully able bodied) they should expect the 3 year old to stand ? even though the childs mother has paid a FULL FARE and has chosen to allow her child to use the seat which she is entitled to ?

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:06

Travelling on buses, trams etc. can be very worrying for old people. He probably needed to sit down quickly before it started to move and was concentrating on that.

Poppyella · 03/08/2011 23:08

He should have got a taxi then, if it's that worrying.

Ridiculous man. No need to squash a 3 year old really is there.

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:08

Jonnyfan do you live in London ? in which case i can kind of understand your logic , obviousley dont agree with it ,but can understand it .

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:09

No don't think I ever have Jonny as my local bus is always empty. But I am 27 and pretty fit and could not sit down while a preschooler rattled around the bus trying to keep hold.
But why the hell does it matter if the child is on her mums knee or not? The seat would still be unavailable. If she was on her mums knee do you think the elderly man should have had to stand? I don't understand your argument at all. I have also never seen such detailed public transport rules as you seem to be aware of from somewhere.

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