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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or was this rude?

123 replies

princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:04

Got the tram today with 3 year old dd. It was full, so we stood up. dd was very tired and complaining that her legs were sore, so when someone got off I let her sit down.

A woman got on the tram with a man who was slightly older and started looking for a seat. She spotted my dd and asked the woman on the adjacent seat: 'Is this your child?' I interjected at that point to say she was mine. The woman then said: 'Can we have her seat?' No please or thank you.

I said yes - but was expecting a thank you or acknowledgement. Nothing.

dd was tired, but I was more than willing to give up her seat if someone really needed it. The man promptly sat down without waiting for dd to get up, squashing her!

I got the impression that dd was considered unworthy of a seat as she is a child. I now wish I had sat down with her.

OP posts:

ThePosieParker · 04/08/2011 09:40

Surely all of the other adults on the tram she have offered their seats, but they didn't. Being elderly doesn't automatically mean meek, mild and well mannered. As I was clearly reminded whilst walkig behind a family when the 70+, or 60+heavy smoker, cackled to her daughter that it was 'fucking funny to get barred from both locals on Friday' Daughter said 'pissed again Mum' and small child shouted 'ha ha nanny was pissed up'.

TBH OP I would have stood and allowed my child to remain seated.

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 04/08/2011 09:48

PosieParker - OP was standing!

The man was rude. Of course its rude to not thank someone for vacating a seat for you.

ThePosieParker · 04/08/2011 09:56

Ah....then I completely agree with the OP, which I did anyway, as I said up thread.

Mitmoo · 04/08/2011 10:04

I think you should learn a lesson from this one. Next time if there is a vacant seat I'd sit on it and put your daughter on your lap. They were being very rude.

Firestone · 04/08/2011 10:15

I'm really confused by JonnyFan's no fare/half fare means no entitlement to a seat thing. Does this mean all the over 60's with free travel should stand?

I travel from the south coast to the north east on a fairly regular basis with my DCs, I always buy them both a ticket (reduced fare) even though at under 5 they could travel free, I do this because I can reserve seats for them. I have once been asked to give up one of their seats (by a bloke in his 20's who wad v rude) and told him I wouldn't (baby was asleep in her car seat, toddler was asleep on his seat, stuffed if I was waking them for him) and once volunteered a seat for a three year old who was squashing her mum (baby awake in my arms, moved the car seat onto the table). Would Jonnyfan think I was well out of order in these instances? Hmmmm.....

hester · 04/08/2011 10:19

DogsBestFriend - OP DID give up the seat when asked. The idea that her daughter deserved to be sat on because her mother wasn't proactive is... well, words just fail me.

When pg women complain about not getting seats on public transport, MNetters are quick to jump in, telling her it's her fault if she didn't ask.

This place is so macho sometimes!

Jonnyfan · 04/08/2011 17:22

Heter- confused - really??
A child travelling free/half fare does so provided they don't occupy a seat whilst adults are standing.
What are you unable to comprehend about that- seems clear to me.
Oh- and they are not my rules.
There are no buses round here- thank God.

GinSlinger · 04/08/2011 18:05

this thread makes me want to weep - the OP wasn't questioning the rights and wrongs of her DD giving up her seat but whether or not having done this, it would be polite to acknowledge this by saying 'thank you'/

bangs head repeatedly on desk

pour gin

Jonnyfan · 04/08/2011 18:06

Calm down dear.

The thread moved on...

GinSlinger · 04/08/2011 18:16

oh well that's okay then

Andrewofgg · 04/08/2011 18:21

Let's assume he was infirm and had a real need for a seat - greater than dd's.

Please and Thank you would still not come amiss.

Slobs.

ThePosieParker · 04/08/2011 18:23

Greater than any other adult on the bus too?!!

pinkthechaffinch · 04/08/2011 18:24

I would have met both their eyes and said 'Thank you' myself, loudly in a Margot Leadbetter voice.

I did this myself recently to a selfish group of gossiping OAPs who couldn't be bothered to shift out of the way to let us through.

TheFarSide · 04/08/2011 18:25

Gin the OP kind of encouraged the debate by saying "I got the impression that dd was considered unworthy of a seat as she is a child".

Andrewofgg · 04/08/2011 18:38

We have a lot in common, DBF, if I liked dogs I'd call you sister. Except I'm about fifteen years older than you.

The moment I dread is when polite people offer me a seat . . . but until then I will stand up when somebody else's need is greater that mine.

PenguinPatter · 04/08/2011 18:42

Next time OP kick up a fuss or make a sarcastic comment to them about lack of manners - so you deal with it at the time instead of being upset later.

Yes they were rude - maybe they had reasons may be not.

I've spent 16 years frequently using public transport - god I want to get driving. You do meet some absolutely lovely people - but I've tended to meet more twats which seem more of a bother since having DC and travelling with them. The twats come in all ages, sexes and can often have DC themselves.

Sometime I think people are deliberately awkward when they spot DC. Four hour journey at weekend second train guy with ten year old DD threw our pushchair and bag out of luggage rack into disabled space then tried to claim he?d reserved the seats we were in despite electronic system saying seats were not reserved and then failed to take matter up with guard just made comments till we left train from the seats they got. Bus trip back from town this week? two pushchair on bus and I and other mother were arranging them when middle aged woman rushed on ignoring seats closer to door and sat in space refusing to move despite there being many other seats.

Andrewofgg · 04/08/2011 18:51

Cuts both ways, PenguinPatter. I've had a reserved seat at a table, that's why I reserved it, and been asked to move by parents with two DCs saying they "needed" a four/table and I could manage with a single with a seat back in my face.

GinSlinger · 04/08/2011 18:57

thefarside Yes, I'm about to eat my humble pie.

PenguinPatter · 04/08/2011 19:20

I think it is different Andrewofgg to ask someone if they would mind moving from a seat they have reserved to getting on a train throwing someone else's belonging around clocking them - coming up and claiming to have reserved seats they are sat in when the electronic system above the seats is flashing " SEATS NOT RESERVED" and then getting arsy.

If they did not accept your polite no - though you can only reserve on seat per person and not an entire table so they could have insisted on sitting at other three seats - then clearly they were in the category of twats with DC that I mentioned which I have met and have made some of my journeys hell.

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne · 04/08/2011 19:31

The man was rude.

YANBU

Andrewofgg · 04/08/2011 19:32

I agree that they were less twattish than your twat, although they were very hostile when I said No. In the end they found two doubles and each adult had to supervise one DC. And three nice quiet types joined me at the table.

Firestone · 04/08/2011 19:42

Andrewfgg, you were quite right, and they were cheeky; should have booked seats themselves. I just don't understand Jonyfan's position that a child who needs a seat and has a ticket should give it up for an adult who doesn't?@&

I should say I regularly travel by bus and my 3 year old DS is made to give up his seat to an adult when he can manage to stand (I always give up my seat first so would already be standing). I just don't like the position that all children (regardless of their own needs) should give up a seat to any adult who wants it.

To the OP, they were rude!

TheFarSide · 04/08/2011 23:31

Are you lot still arguing?

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