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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was this rude?

123 replies

princessglitter · 03/08/2011 22:04

Got the tram today with 3 year old dd. It was full, so we stood up. dd was very tired and complaining that her legs were sore, so when someone got off I let her sit down.

A woman got on the tram with a man who was slightly older and started looking for a seat. She spotted my dd and asked the woman on the adjacent seat: 'Is this your child?' I interjected at that point to say she was mine. The woman then said: 'Can we have her seat?' No please or thank you.

I said yes - but was expecting a thank you or acknowledgement. Nothing.

dd was tired, but I was more than willing to give up her seat if someone really needed it. The man promptly sat down without waiting for dd to get up, squashing her!

I got the impression that dd was considered unworthy of a seat as she is a child. I now wish I had sat down with her.

OP posts:
Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:09

Poppyella, maybe, like me, you don't use public transport very often. However, they are still the rules under which children travel at no/half fare.
Sorry if you are having difficulty grasping this.

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:10

HE WASNT FLIPPING OLD !!!!!! Getting to your sixties or seventies is no big deal nowadays ,for gods sake there are people in their late sixties who can run further than me on the treadmill at the gym . And they could also probably kick your arse jonnyfan if push came to shove

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:10

Can you link to 'the rules' Jonny?

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:11

Mighty Quinn-detailed???
One. Simple Rule. That's all. And strangely enough- others seem to have heard of it too.

hester · 03/08/2011 23:12

I don't know why some people are arguing that the man may have needed the seat - the OP clearly agrees with this, which is why he got the seat. Her question was: was he rude? And he undeniably was. Whether the seat was his 'right' or not is irrelevant - he should have said thanks and he shouldn't have squashed the tot.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:12

No. Find them for yourself if you are so interested!

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:12

So what is your point? If the child was on her mums knee would it have made any difference to whether the man should have had the seat? And if not then why the hell does it matter?

Poppyella · 03/08/2011 23:14

Her mum had paid the fare. She was not sitting down. Therefore, she had paid for a seat which her child sat on.

You are being thick

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:14

I would have sat down and put DD on my knee, just to be out of the way. Sometimes tubes/trams get very crowded, so the more people standing in the aisles the more unpleasant it is.

kiki22 · 03/08/2011 23:15

Jonny - i think your thinking of air travel the child sits on your knee and doesn't pay? i get the bus at least 10 times a week for work and when i was at school so a lot of journeys in my time and there is no rule at least where i live about children not being allowed a seat.

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:15

I don't think you actually pay for a seat on public transport.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:16

I think I have made my point!

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:21

Well if you dont pay for a seat ,then no-one is entitled to one . Good manners dictate that you give your seat up to the disabled, heavily pregnant and people with small children/babies . When you give up your seat to any of the above good manners also dictate they say thankyou .

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:21

No you haven't. The child was occupying a seat but her mum - an adult who in your opinion would be entitled to a seat - wasn't. If the child had sat on her knee or stood up and let her mum seat THERE WOULD BE NO MORE SEATS AVAILABLE SO IT WOULD MAKE NO FARKING DIFFERENCE TO ANYONE ELSE! Even if it was a company that had the only 'only adults entitiled to a seat' rule only a true jobsworth would force a mother onto a seat with her child so they complied with the rule when it makes diddlysquat difference to the number of seats available.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:27

The Far -seriously?
I have no idea what area the OP was travelling in, but a quick look on Google indicates that the rule applies nationwide.
If a child must not occupy a seat whilst an adult is standing (we all agree, I think, that common sense excludes very young adults), then the OP should have either made the child stand or, more sensibly, put her on her knee.

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:27

It might not make a difference to the number of seats available MightyQuim but it does mean there are more people than necessary standing in the aisle, which is not great, from my experiences on the tube. The more people sitting down out of the way, the better.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:28

The question of whether the OP chose to stand is irrelevant.

Kallista · 03/08/2011 23:28

YANBU. Some people of all ages have bad manners & have a sense of entitlement combined with total thoughtlessness.. I cannot believe an older couple wanted a toddler to stand! Toddlers can easily hurt themselves. They should have asked another passenger (politely).

My Mum is 62 now & uses her pass sometimes to get to work. She finishes at 3pm & feels sorry for other workers who have finished long shifts eg in shops or care homes but who get no bus seats due to them being full of pensioners. I don't mean the frail elderly people here, but the many able-bodied 'late middle agers' 60 - early 70s in my area. These people would rarely to think to offer anyone else a seat.
When I've got the bus I have seen very old ladies unable to sit down because healthy middle age couples won't give up seats. The young adults at the back of the bus will, but elderly ladies struggle to get there!
The worst thing was when a young man with crutches got on the bus once. Not one of the young pensioners who filled the front rows would give him a seat.

Jonnyfan · 03/08/2011 23:30

"Sense of entitlement"... well now...

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:33

I thought there was something in the small print that when you buy a ticket for public transport you are paying for the journey and there is no entitlement to a seat for anyone ... so my point was, the idea that the OP had paid for a seat and could therefore allocate it to her daughter is not quite right.

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:35

Young pensioners?

BertieBotts · 03/08/2011 23:35

I've just googled it and all I can find is random things from other countries.

I've read disclaimers on most public transport saying children travelling free are not entitled to a seat if the vehicle is busy, but not older children paying half fare. And most able bodied people would give up a seat to an elderly person, disabled person, a parent with a small child, a pregnant woman, or someone with lots of shopping.

TheFarSide · 03/08/2011 23:36

Somebody fetch a transport lawyer.

bumpsoon · 03/08/2011 23:36

Dont forget Kallista , they cant have a sense of entitlement because they havent paid for a seat

MightyQuim · 03/08/2011 23:37

Thefarside - I agree that if obstruction was an issue then the mum being on the seat would make a difference but the OP has already explained that her bag would have been more obstructive had she been sitting.
I fail to see how the mother putting the child on her knee as some have suggested would have made any difference. They would than have had to both get up for the older man who got on.

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