to be gagging for a no-strings-attached one night stand?

[Celibacyisnotforme]

Excuse the pun...

Name changed for obvious reasons... and it's not even Friday but here goes!

It's been three months since soon-to-be-XH was unceremoniously kicked out and our decree nisi has just been approved. This sounds like a short time to be moving on BUT the last time we were intimate was before DD was born - two and a half years ago!! I cannot tell you how lonely and miserable it was to be locked in a marriage with no love or sex... no friendship either - only violence, but that's another story that I've posted about on here before.

So I've been unintentionally celibate for a looooooong time and now that I'm finally free all I want is some SEX! It has been too long since I felt the warmth of another body and I am completely smitten with the idea of some affection. I do NOT want to get into a relationship of any sort - I am so happy being an independant woman, with just DD and myself to think about - none of that Wifework for me! All I want is dinner for two, loads of wine, candles and a good hard pounding from a throbbing member... is that too much to ask?

Any ideas on how to go about getting this will be greatly appreciated...

[note to self - must stop reading Mills & Boon]

I am not a hoo-er lol. Although I will confess to a nosey on AFF. With disastrous and insulting results. I was kind though and posted that on here so you could all read and laugh at me be warned.

It could be Shirl though...

Gster scared easily, didn't he?

Big wuss, all mouth etc etc

Or maybe he's got cramp

awwww gster dont go we are only playing with you.

....... by suggesting I'm playing with myself ?

I know it's in jest. I think.

Oh let him be. He's probably got some steamy slash fic' about Girls Aloud to scrawl...

It's in jest, you blouse.

well lets be fair gster most people play with themselves we were just going with the statistical advantage, so if you are a hot single bloke weres your pic, for us bored ladies to oggle over?

somehow I don't think I'd be posting my picture in this thread. especially as the conversation has moved on to playing with myself.

you'll just have to use your imagination. 6'3" blond, slim and nordic good looks .

" you blouse"

a new and fabulous put down.

so basically your eric from true blood.

"6'3" blond, slim and nordic good looks"

Read as: "Looks a bit like Bill Oddie straining for a crap."

lol at blouse

'you blouse' is pretty old, seem to remember it being used at school many years ago.

You're not really 6 foot three are you? I bet you don't scrape the 6 foot mark. Short blokes always lie about their height

And I have seen 'nordic good looks'. Look at those trolls in Abba.

Pah. You big panty girdle, you.

bill oddie now theres a man, something about the beard.

awwwwwwww ladies why are you being so mean to the penis member of our group...did you see what i did there lol.

I really am 6'3" . And slim, and generally told I'm good looking. No beard though.

... I assume you ladies all have beards...

How very dare you? I do have a fine moustache, though...

no beard just a merkin.

dont know how you could psam

Now gster, I normally adore the men on mumsnet, the ones who are regulars on here are lovely, but what drew you to this site and in particular this thread, with your american tan tights style advice?

Listen, I was seeing a bloke once who was about 5'7". He tried to tell me that he was 5'10". I said that he definitely wasn't as I am 5'4" and met his height in three-inch heels. He tried to tell me that he was an optical illusion.

hahahahahahahahaha do you think that perhaps his intentions were not pure get orf???