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AIBU?

to be gagging for a no-strings-attached one night stand?

1002 replies

Celibacyisnotforme · 15/05/2011 20:37

Excuse the pun...

Name changed for obvious reasons... and it's not even Friday but here goes!

It's been three months since soon-to-be-XH was unceremoniously kicked out and our decree nisi has just been approved. This sounds like a short time to be moving on BUT the last time we were intimate was before DD was born - two and a half years ago!! I cannot tell you how lonely and miserable it was to be locked in a marriage with no love or sex... no friendship either - only violence, but that's another story that I've posted about on here before.

So I've been unintentionally celibate for a looooooong time and now that I'm finally free all I want is some SEX! It has been too long since I felt the warmth of another body and I am completely smitten with the idea of some affection. I do NOT want to get into a relationship of any sort - I am so happy being an independant woman, with just DD and myself to think about - none of that Wifework for me! All I want is dinner for two, loads of wine, candles and a good hard pounding from a throbbing member... is that too much to ask?

Any ideas on how to go about getting this will be greatly appreciated...

[note to self - must stop reading Mills & Boon]

OP posts:

Report

Celery · 16/05/2011 12:55

Mummydoc, I am kind of doing the same as you, except my marriage isn't particularly happy. We rub along together, but have no kind of relationship except a co parenting one. However, I'm comfortable where I am, and not looking to to seperate, start over again, or have another full on relationship. Not yet, anyway. I have a FB, or a lover, or whatever you want to call it. He is in the same situation as me. We have fun, chat via email and msn most days, see each other every two or three weeks.

H doesn't exactly know, but I'm fairly certain he's doing the same thing. I've certainly told him he should go and get his kicks, and I wouldn't object. I hope he is.

I met FB online. We both knew what we wanted, looked for it, and found it.

cheekeymonkey · 16/05/2011 16:07

I'm really interested to know Celibacy whether your enforced celibacy was a form of control by your ex?
I know that seems irrelevant but I have never been able to get to the bottom (excuse the pun) of why a man doesn't want sex?

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 18:58

Cheekeymonkey - YES i reckon it was part of the control... he was raised in an almost cult-like Christian sect and was taught that sex is taboo except for procreation. Once he had reproduced then he refused me over & over again, on the grounds that it was "wrong" even though I did not believe the same!! He could then use that against me - as to how evil I was - because I wanted sex for pleasure, comfort & intimacy and not just for making babies... Talk about a nasty situation to be in! Of course I found all this out AFTER the wedding... sigh...

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 16/05/2011 19:08

Not all men have high sex drives, cheekey. Though it sounds like your XH had some issues Celibacy!

cannydoit · 16/05/2011 19:14

you can have dinner, conversation, and a one night stand have had that. its fun getting to know some one, flirting, that will we wont we tension. dont necessarily expect the sex to be absolutely amazing though, my experience leads me to feel that you can only have truly great sex with with some one you know well and trust and are comfortable with. others may have different experiences here, doesnt mean you cant have wicked fun a good ego boost and more importantly an orgasm.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 16/05/2011 19:20

Let us know if you get lucky

YANBU for wanting some SEX, i'm always gagging

Rosemallow · 16/05/2011 19:23

Am at you looking for a FB.
All the best bits of a relationship with none of the crap!
< wistful >
I found myself a lovely guy on the Internet for this many a few years ago. (After trying out a few first!).
He was lovely - gorgeous body, great fun, intelligent, generous lover. Wasn't looking for anything else then and had a fantastic time. unfortunately I met someone I wanted a 'proper' relationship with so that put an end to it. I never saw myself as someone able to have a non-emotional relationship before then. Glad I did it though - it liberated me!
Enjoy!

confuseddotcodotuk · 16/05/2011 19:26

YANBU

Fuckbuddies are awesome. I miss mine, we had such great fun!

Go with the 18yo toyboy and have some fun

SnuffleTurtle153 · 16/05/2011 19:29

MooMooFarm · 16/05/2011 19:36

Ew don't go looking for a quick shag on the internet - I'm imagining all sorts of grimmeries sitting at their pcs with their stonewash jeans round their ankles.... .

Surely any half decent looking woman can get a no strings attached shag pretty easily without resorting to cyberspace? It's risky enough anyway, but at least if you chat someone up in a club you can go with your instincts to decide if they're normal-ish?

When I was single and used to go out looking for Mr Right, Mr Just-Wants-A-Shag used to pop up all the time!

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 19:43

Noooo you haven't seen the pics of the toyboy... he's looks like JEDWARD!! no way!!! It would be like cradle snatching a glitterbally leprechaun... no thanks!

I hadn't even uploaded any pics and I was already getting some emails... So I dusted the mothballs off my pre-pregnancy LBD and took a few pics with my iPhone. I've been chatting to two guys - in their late 20s, that is sort of toyboy-ish! - and they seem lovely! Articulate, can spell... MN has ruined online dating for me - I couldn't possible consider shagging a man who can't spell...

The one has a body like I've NEVER seen - Calvin Klein ad, anyone? - and he thinks the photos I emailed him are "stunning"... ahem...

OP posts:

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 19:46

Hey MooMoo I see your point BUT I never, ever go clubbing anymore - in fact, I have no time to go anywhere but the supermarket and supervised visits with XH while DD is awake. She's 2 and a handful! STB XH has also alienated me from all my friends and family - most of whom live 13000km away - so I wouldn't have anyone to go clubbing with and couldn't go alone... bring on the cybersex! :)

OP posts:

ManicAnnie · 16/05/2011 19:46

Loving the idea of the 'classier' swinging events having 'a decent buffet'

That has given me such a good laugh!

Sorry OP. Hope you find your throbbing member soon!

MooMooFarm · 16/05/2011 19:48

Where do you live OP I'll come clubbing with you! I will be your wing-girl (am married so no shenannigans for me but I love man hunting for my gals!)

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 19:58

East Surrey MooMoo! Are you local? I'd love to have a dancing wingman! ...

OP posts:

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 19:58

Oh wow... Calvin Klein guy has emailed me his mobile number...

OP posts:

confuseddotcodotuk · 16/05/2011 20:00

Okay, avoid the toyboy, I fully understand that I'm getting excited for you and don't even know who you are!

Can you link me to Mr Calvin Klein?

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 20:06

I'm trying CDCDUK but it won't let me!! Aaargh! Suffice it to say that he's GORGEOUS - 28, ripped like Van Winkle and tattoed...

What do I do - shall I text him? Do I want him to have MY mobile number? Damn I should have bought a disposable PAYG simcard for just this sort of occasion...

OP posts:

MooMooFarm · 16/05/2011 20:15

Oh poop no I'm about 200 miles north . If I'm ever down that way I'll PM you and we can hit the town

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 16/05/2011 20:23

Text him back, you can always get another sim if needs must!! OOOO i can feel a shagathon coming on!!

cannydoit · 16/05/2011 20:38

i met a man on the net plenty of fish dot com. on my god he was lush buff and intelligent and beautiful (if honest with my self the evil voice in my head that hates me would say what is he doing with an over weight mother of 3 with the map of Britain on her stomach) we both had come out of long term marriages and neither of us wanted anything serious just casual fucking and oh my god the fucking it was amazing . . .cut forward seven months still together still lovely amazing and oh my god the fucking.

Celibacyisnotforme · 16/05/2011 20:39

We're chatting on gmail chat!!!!!!! He's divine - and he wants to shag me one hundred ways from Tuesday... I think I need a drink!

God it feels good to be wanted again... to have someone think you're sexy and beautiful and want to whisper sweet nothings in your ear...

OP posts:

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cannydoit · 16/05/2011 20:48

he wants to do something to your ear.

confuseddotcodotuk · 16/05/2011 20:50

cannydoit:

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/05/2011 20:55

you def need FB

and thats fuck buddy not face book lol

28 and tattooed

'dribbles'

so when are you gonna shag meet?

Flip

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