How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

10/11 I’d only leave for a few hours. And most mums on here would be horrified at that. To leave them for a whole day I’d say more like 14/15. And I’d not love doing it if they were on their own completely, more from a boredom/ lonely perspective.

10/11 is way too young! I’d say 16. I was a teacher for over a decade and taught many 10/11 year olds. No way on this planet that is old enough. For an hour or so, fine. If you are staying fairly local. For a full day? Nope.

Ci think you’ll find that when they are 10/11 you’ll actually enjoy taking them shopping and to the museum.

For a whole day it was 14/12

I’m sorry, what? 😂 My eldest was 4 months when I went for a day out with a friend in London (3 hours from home). Youngest was in nursery full days at 11 months. When my eldest was 16 months, I went to Australia for 2 weeks (for work, but still it was great!). Also went to the States for a week or two when she was maybe 3. I’ve gone off walking a Camino in Spain for 10 days without them. Do your children not go to school? 🤣

About 12/13 would seem to be the expectation as the holiday clubs around our way stop taking kids at that age, so if you work out of the house and aren’t able to take all the school holidays off you would be stuck. When I was in that situation I was able to take half days so go off to work in the morning leave them sleeping then back home at lunchtime to be there in the afternoon.

Are you working OP? I take a half day of AL a quarter for myself, and keep them in childcare for it. Saves motherhood burnout, makes our entire lives more enjoyable!

Presumably OP is a single parent and doesn’t have anyone to have her DCs whilst she goes out for the day. I’m assuming you didn’t just leave your DCs by themselves whilst you went?

16??? Don’t 16YOs commonly spend a whole day at work? It’d be a bit of a jump to go from not responsible enough to be home alone to apparently responsible enough to have a paying job. And wtf do you do in the school holidays if you work? You can hardly send a 14/15YO to holiday camp.

I’d personally say about 12ish ie the age they age out of holiday camps. But by that age they will probably be good company and potentially enjoy shopping or a museum. In the meantime take a day off work and leave them in childcare. Life is too short!

I left my daughter for a day when she was 12 because the others were in holiday clubs and she didn’t want to go and I had to work. She was fine.

It depends on the child and you gradually build up to it. For DS it was 12/13. I reckon I could go away for a week and he'd only notice if the wifi went off. With DD I was nervous leaving her until she moved out. She'd do dumb shit the minute she was unsupervised, like the time she put her jeans in the oven to dry them and then forgot them and went out. I came home to house filled with smoke. She was 17 at the time.

I think OP meant leaving them on their own!

We're all hoping you didn't leave your 4 month old baby home alone....

I’d say around 14 for a whole day, or 11 for an hour or 2.

With the 10/11 thing, do you use holiday clubs then? That’s a genuine question because the reason I thought of that age (more like 11 tbf) is because I don’t think many secondary aged children use holiday clubs. So kind of assumed most were left for at least a typical working day at that point.

@picktheacorns i am but I do find the 9-3 school day absolutely ZOOMS by insanely fast!

I will leave my 12 year old for a few hours but wouldn’t leave him for the whole day. He quite mature but a day feels like a long time.
Maybe in a year or so I’ll leave him for longer.

I’d use holiday clubs for an 11 year old if working for the whole day. Holiday clubs typically go up to age 14.

Haven’t used holiday clubs since he was 9/10.
Will use annual leave or wfh. If I have to go into the office I’ll do shorter days where possible. It requires juggling with DH but we’re lucky to have flexibility.

Did you leave your 4 months old completely on their own, or just with someone else? Obviously OP means home alone, not just away from them specifically.

My DS is almost 13, I would probably be ok leaving him for good half day. If it was any longer he would probably forget to eat lunch!

DD is 10 and she is way too young g for that, a couple hours tops.

I deliberately took a lower paid job so that I can work from home. This means in the school holidays they are not alone. By age 16 I mean I’d confidently leave them for a day and not necessarily be very very close to home. I’d work up to this gradually from about age 14. Eg if they seem sensible by age 14 I’d go out for the whole morning etc.

Small controlled errands (eg to local shop - no roads to cross) at 7. Staying home alone for a few hours during the day around 10 and for longer periods or in the evening around 14.

It does depend on a lot of factors - some children are more responsible / sensible / confident etc. Are there siblings around? What are your neighbours like? Etc etc etc

11/12 for the whole day. 9/10 for a few hours. 7/8 an hour. 6 for ten minutes to drop off some thing to a neighbours house. Depends how sensible the child is I suppose.

13 I think. Mine are younger than that. My eldest is 9 and I can tell you now that 10 is waaaay younger than you think now.

My daughter is an extremely sensible and rule abiding child of 11, and while she has more freedom now earned by trust (coming home by a certain time, doing what she's asked of etc!) and walks home by herself and has a few hours by herself, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her all day on her own, and wouldn't think it was fair to either.
I'm a single mum and utilised after school clubs and annual leave if I needed time to myself or for chores etc. Could you take annual leave, do an after school club then ask family to have the children from that if you desperately wanted to do something?

Leaving a 6 year old at all is incredibly dangerous. It’s not because they would necessarily do anything bad, it’s because if there was an emergency they not have enough capacity to act appropriately. Children die in house fires because they panic and hide. You do not know how a young child will react if faced with an emergency situation.

I've only just started leaving my 14 year old for a whole day (although I wfh 90% of the time so the situation didn't come up often). Before that he preferred to go to holiday club (in fact still does sometimes, though he does sports ones rather than those aimed at childcare for younger children). If I had no other choice I'd say he'd've been ok from year 8 but neither of us would've been happy about it.
My 11 year old I won't even leave for 10 minutes, though she does have SEN. Actually tbf I would leave her alone for 10 minutes, but she cannot be trusted left with her brother as they fight.