How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

That really depends on where you live.

We got our DD a mobile phone for this reason, we don't have a landline and needed to be able to communicate with her at home (as our parents could). It is very tightly controlled though, she doesn't get much access.

There is a new internet phone thing/landline alternative I have seen recently promoted on social media though for exactly these kind of situations. It is called Looped. It started to enable kids to contact their other parent in cases of divorce (without having to ask the parent they are with at the time). No idea on costs, just saw a couple of posts, but might be worth looking into when relevant for you!

https://www.instagram.com/getloopedphone/

In an ideal world I wouldn’t leave mine until 15/16, but I’m a single parent working full time, with no village and there’s no childcare for high school age kids, so my 12 year old has to spend time alone. During the holidays I try to keep it to half days if I can get permission to work from home. But I don’t have enough holidays to cover all the school ones, and I need the money. So circumstances mean it is what it is, I have enormous guilt about it but no other options.

I left mine from when they were in year 7. There was no childcare available for them by that age, and I had to go to work.

My nephew is 13 and goes to one. He likes going as they do lots of activities.

I’m not trying to suggest they don’t exist or anything, it’s just that I don’t personally know anybody with secondary aged children who use holiday clubs or wraparound childcare, which is why I initially said around 11 for the leaving alone thing.

But of course there will be different sort of norms in different areas.

If you mean alone certainly not at 10 or 11, if anything happened you’d be dine for neglect. 15 or older for me.

once you have kids rhe days of doing ss you please with no forward planning are gone till they leave home basically

How many people with school age kids of that age do you know?

A lot

Cannot believe all the people saying they won't leave 15 year olds(disabilities excluded) for the day. Only on MN.
I remember on weekends playing out for hours around the streets, like most kids did. Mum would be inside and just say get back by X a time!

No, you’re right, by secondary school, kids don’t tend to go to holiday clubs. I don’t know anyone who would accept going to a holiday club in secondary school unless it was specifically related to an extra-curricular activity they already do, such as a specific sport or instrument. And then it’s more to improve their skills rather than used as childcare.

I’m really surprised about the number of people saying 15 or 16. I’ve left my 14 and 16 year olds at home whilst DH and I went away for the weekend!

Right, and none of them use wrap around care. Ok,

This is mad! 15/16 😳🤣

Mine were left from year 7 .. we had to work and they had days on their own. Obv we’d take some time off during hols but not the whole holidays. They wouldn’t have gone to childcare!

At 16 most kids are heading off to festivals on their own 🤣

Mine are mid 20s now … have things really changed that much!

Wow

I left mine at home at 11, they were fine.

Our holiday/wraparound club only takes them up to the summer they finish year 6.

There are soccer camps and things, but not for the entire holidays, and they’re often half days so no good unless you can drop them off and collect them halfway through the day.

Well no, they don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m not being argumentative or difficult, it just doesn’t happen. Sorry if you feel I’ve said something wrong here, although I am not sure what. I’ve acknowledged there are different norms in different areas, but there isn’t wraparound for secondary aged children here.

It's crazy isn't it? It hasn't changed as much as this. I'll be expecting my dcs to be sensible enough to be a bit more self sufficient and capable when they reach that age. MN is just a little world of it's own. Obviously different if the dcs have disabilities. Otherwise I would worry if a teenager couldn't boil a kettle.

10/11 is ok for a few hours but not a whole day. Whole day I’d say 14+

I also think leaving them for a whole day to go shopping is different to a day while you work and you really have no alternative childcare. I wouldn’t put a secondary age child in holiday club but also I would try and arrange something like going to a friends house or taking AL myself for them some days so they’re not alone 5 full days a week.

Before my children had their own phones (so i guess age 9-11, got phone when starting secondary), I would leave them for maybe 10 mins to pop to the shops. I would leave my phone with them and set a timer for longer than I thought I would be, ie a 20 min timer for a short trip to the local shop for a couple of items. If the timer went off and I wasn't back, they needed to use my phone to call their grandparents. Not ideal but it worked.

So I’m being a bit pedantic here but why? Why is it OK for work but not leisure?

I wouldn’t even leave my 13 year old all day.

It depends on the kid, but I was perfectly fine on my own for the day when I was about 12 onwards.
During the summer holidays Mum went to work at 8am and was home around 5pm. We had texts to check in, and I had to text her if I was going out to play and text her again when I got in (not the most kidnap proof system, but bless her she had to work!) but I was always happy to have the house to myself.
Snacks, Playstation games, playing my music as loud as I wanted... It was great!

Are tiny not enjoying being a parent, is their father not involved at all? Do you have no family support either?

I have offered a few times to let my 12 year old stay home alone for a couple of hours, he always chooses to come. Tomorrow morning he has chosen to get up at 5.30 to drive his dad to the station rather than be left alone for an hour while still asleep.
I think you will have to wait and see when you and they feel ready, but 10/11 I'd say you could pop to the corner store for half an hour but not leave them alone all day.