How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

@yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath Yes but going to a museum or shopping with an 11 year old is very different to a 3 year old. Yes, they might be bored, and whine a bit, but they are not running off. I would leave my 14, almost 15 year old for 6-8 hours and I have.
They were commuting to school on their own and back by age 11 and doing music residentials for a week at a time (and still do residential music camps), from age 10.

It depends on your child. And it might not be quite as you think. DC1 is the more sensible one but also the more sociable one so when she was 11 or 12, I could have left her but knew she would get a bit lonely after more than a couple of hours. DS is more impulsive but nothing could be greater than being left to game with no one to interrupt him so we could leave him knowing that he’d be fine as he’d be completely absorbed. I used to make him a packed lunch and put it next to him and set an alarm to go off at lunch time so he did actually eat. Top parenting skills at play there!

@Growlybear83 i am feeling a bit lectured to if I’m honest and I’m saying that as I’m hoping that isn’t your intention. I think it is possible you have a child or children long past toddler stage and have perhaps romanticised how easy it is to browse shops with one in tow. Likewise how easy it is to stare transfixed at an amazing piece of artwork while your children stand equally awed by your wide, quietly and reverently asking intelligent questions from time to time. If they get a bit bored, they tolerate it recognising the many sacrifices you have made for them. It that was your reality, great. It’s not mine.

It depends on the maturity of your child. I only leave my 13 year old for a few hours. Im not confident that she would safely be able to use the kettle, toaster etc safely to make her own lunch.

I leave my 13 and 12 year olds alone for maybe 2 hours max, and that's with me still in the same town. I wouldn't leave them for the entire day until at least 15 or 16.
Editing to add that teenagers are sometimes just like gigantic toddlers! My 13 year old can occasionally be far more stupidly curious than he was when he was 3. I don't trust that he wouldn't take the oven apart to see what's inside, or something like that.

Unfortunately for a whole day I think you'll need to wait a little older than 10/11. A few hours definitely ok for most that age, but not much more. Particularly if you won't be close by and want to relax.

A lot will depend on how mature your kids are though, where you live, your nearby support network. In my experience so far, we started with an hour around 10, currently at up to 2-3ish occasionally at 11, probably looking at a whole day from 13ish (but definitely no cooking while home alone aside from a kettle and microwave until a little older!). But not looking after younger siblings until around 15 I think.

It is absolutely normal to want and crave alone, adult time though. Even if you could take your kids on the same activities, you don't experience them in the same way as being able to take your own time, and focus on what you want to see and do. You haven't mentioned you are a single parent, if you have a partner try and give each other a day every month or 2 to do whatever it is each of you need to decompress, away from work and parenting.

And try to build a support network and activities. Play dates and brownie/cub/scout camps can be great opportunities for alone time!

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

I’m aware of the law thanks but simply there isn’t one!

So it is just about your own judgement which as we can see on here varies massively.

For a day when I was working, around 12 & 14, at home together, family members nearby.

DD alone at 16 for a day when I went on a day trip with friends. Again, family members including her dad lived nearby.

My oldest Son stays at home now when it’s the school holidays (year 9). I only work down the road so could get home very quickly if he needed me.
None of his friends have used holiday clubs since heading to secondary school and I would say most by year 8 were being left alone on the days their parents were working.
My son can cook, use a washing machine etc so he pretty switched on. To be honest he probably doesn’t get out of bed much before 11, gets himself something to eat, and then either heads back to bed to game with his mates or goes out to meet them.

Im always home by 3, and sometimes he’s not even dressed 🥴
I don’t leave my 11 year old with his brother (first year of secondary) though unless im only popping to the shops. If it’s school holidays and im working he goes to a Grandparents house with his younger brother.

At 10 or 11 I wouldn’t have left mine, but if were better in that way only an hour or two max. A whole day no way.

I feel you are yearning for some adult time? Have you got any of their friends you can arrange a play date although again I think a whole day maybe pushing it.

I have a 10 and 11 year old and wouldn't leave them for the day. I will leave them to go to the supermarket for an hour or the 11 year old will come home from school and if I have parents evening, appointments or errands to do I will leave them for a few hours alone. They do have a inset day coming up where they will be left home for a few hours, my husband will then come home for lunch, they will then be left alone again before I get home from work so over the day will be left around 7 hours max but I think as there will be someone at home to break it up that won't be too bad. They also might go out with friends, which scares me more!!

I've left my near 7 old on her own for max 20mins the odd time. She's very sensible, mature beyond her years, and can be trusted. I have never left her brother who is nearly 5 alone, largely because he absolutely cannot be trusted, even with us in the house! I don't see that changing in him in next year or so but he may surprise us. It very much depends on the child!

I'm really interested in this: do parents who leave their 10/11 year olds for more than say 15 mins have landlines or do your kids have mobile phones? Because we don't have a landline and I'm not keen on giving my 9 year old a mobile phone for obvious reasons (although we are considering a phone that looks like a smartphone but doesn't have the capabilities of one, e.g. social media, WhatsApp etc) I wouldn't be happy leaving her for longer than 15 mins as she'd have no way of contacting us in an emergency.
Sorry if this is highjacking your thread OP but I'm hoping it's relevant enough to be okay? I can delete and start a new thread if not. 🙂

Do you mean to be left alone? I would say 10/11 is too young for a full day. But really depends on the kid.

If you don't have a landline and haven't yet gotten your dc a safe mobile phone (so many options now and you can lock them down and monitor from an app on your own phone), I hope they can access yours incase of an emergency? It is rare, but they need to be able to know how to call for help.

My son had a smart watch from around 8 or so as that’s when he started walking himself to school. So he could get in touch like that. He has a phone as well now he’s 10.

Not at all a hijack. It’s a really interesting point.

I doubt that very much!

We used to do swaps wth friends. You have theirs for the day and then they had our’s.

This maybe sounds like I’m being a bit ungrateful and I’m not but I’m then still at someone else’s mercy, schedule and goodwill (which you can’t obviously take advantage of!) I’m looking to a time where I don’t need that, where I can just do my own thing without much if any prior agreement or arrangement or planning. Just feel like doing something one morning and DO it!

Depends what the PP means by enjoy. I enjoy doing things with mine, I don’t regret having them or anything like that, but just as I like eating different foods I also like doing different things and some things are just better without children, as much as we love them!

Yes my 11 year old has a mobile phone (he got it for his November birthday when he was in year 6). This is why I don't leave the 10 year old alone as she does not yet have a phone (though now she is year 6 she will get one probably for Xmas).

It depends on the child ,my granddaughter has special needs and wouldn't be safe.It seems a long time when you are parenting children but it soon goes ,enjoy them .The need to learn independance at their pace,that will be different for each child .They should never be left alone at 12 for mum to go away with a new boyfriend,yes that does happen!!!!!

I left mine once they were at high school. During the day that is. Overnight was probably 16.