How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

My mother (a narcissist) left me aged 13/14 for 2 weeks to scarper off to Switzerland.
I had to look after my younger sister and the cats and dogs, cook for everyone including Dad, clean....etc.etc.....

Ive got 4 dc , two are in their late 20s, and the two are 19 and 16. I’ve had to leave mine now and again from the age of 11/12 maybe for about six to 8 hours in the school hols as I’m a lone parent who had no childcare and had to work.

They’ve been brought up to be independent and self sufficient to a point because they’ve had to be, 3 out of 4 loved it.

my youngest wasn’t keen because due to losing her dad when she was 11 meant that she had seperation anxiety from me.. so I went part time in a different job so she wasn’t on her own for long in the house, shes 16 now and quite happy to be left all day if I’m out but I’m always at the end of the phone.

My 3 eldest have been on their own occasionally at night too from the age of 16/17 again out of necessity. I could never leave dd3 at the moment and so I don’t. She won’t stay in other peoples houses either not even friends so I have to make sure someone is at home with her if I do go away for the night.

it really does depend on the child.

if you know your child is anxious, has SEN and won’t cope or is not safe enough to be left then obviously not but if your’re just worried that they will be bored etc then well 🤷‍♀️

Only child.
When I was 8 years old my parents were both working full-time, I took myself to school and I came home to an empty house until they got back at around 5 or 5:30.
During the school holidays I was left alone in the house all day by myself.
At around the same age I was off school for a week with some sort of illness, I'm not sure what but I remember that I had a temperature, they both went to work and left me on my own all day with instructions to keep drinking so that I stayed hydrated.

For me:

At 11 - id leave for up to an hour, local only (e.g local shop or gym)
At 13 - leave for up to 3 hrs, within 30 mins away
At 14 - leave for up to 4 hours or so, up to a couple of hours away
He's 15 now, I'd happily leave him home most of the day away if he was happy, but with me no further than an hour away.

Secondary school age?
Holiday camps usually only go up to 11/ end of year 6…!
There’s no wrap around care at secondary, as they’re expected to let themselves in and keep occupied until parents are home from work.

I started going on trips out for museums and gallery exhibitions on my own once dcs were in preschool aged 2.5, they were in from 9-4.30 so not a full day, but I live in London and can get to National Gallery for example in 25 mins, so it doesn't take a whole day including the evening to have a nice day out in London.

Dcs are primary aged now and I work pt and I'll often do little trips out on my days off when they're at school or at holiday camps.

I probably wouldn't leave them at home on their own for a really long day (ie until their bedtime) until they were older teenagers, maybe 16. But I don't see when I'd need to do that, as DH would get home by 5.30 so they'd at least have him there from the afternoon even if I needed to be away all day. There are holiday camps nearby suitable for teenagers that dd would be interested in - related to dance and specific sports she does, so I'd be unlikely to just leave her at home as I'd rather she was out doing things and with friends.

I left dd at age 10 for an hour or two. Age 11 3-4 hours. Now at 14 for the whole day.

School age gives you a day if you book them into after school club (usually runs to 6).

But even at this age you could - can their dad not have them by himself for a day so you can meet up with friends?

I don't remember exactly but DC2 is 11 and I wouldn't even question leaving them for the day, of course they're fine. 16 is mad. What do you even do, get a babysitter for a 15yo if you want to go out shopping?

I’d say secondary school age so 11 onwards but honestly would just depend on how far away I was / the maturity of my child. Some would be fine at 11, some would have to be closer to 13/14 imo

Yes we use holiday clubs. I can pop somewhere for up to an hour and leave the 10yo, but only if I'm local and not for longer than an hour.

But your dad was there?

So yes, the set up sounds shitty if you were expected to ‘be mother’ but you did actually have an adult.

DH and I are frontline NHS employees and it's looking likely that we will need to leave 12 year old DD at home on her own through the day on either Xmas eve or NY eve as there are too many people asking for it off and I'm only allowed one day. DH can't get any AL over festive period in his area so it falls to me to take time off, it usually works out ok but don't think it will this year. No family etc to help out, it is what it is

some folks have to work from 9-5 so away maybe 8.30 - 5.30 or 6
there is generally no childcare avalable for secondary age children so when it's the school holidays ( 13 weeks a year) there has to be an alternative when you can't take annual leave, some have to leave their child alone from age 12 , maybe the occasional day they will go to a friends for part of the day or a grandparent or other relative, but generally whilst not ideal to be alone for weeks on end all day as maybe bored it should be safe enough to leave a NT 12 year old

lot of workplaces will only let you take 2 weeks AL in summer holidays if you are in a couple you might also want to take same weeks as partner too, most folks are doing the best they can whilst working to keep a roof over their child (ren) head

I've only just started to leave my 10 year old for an hour or 2, and I'm literally 5 or 10 mins walk away. I wouldn't leave her for a whole day just yet

Depends on the child , their temperament, how they’d cope if something went wrong .
Also depends if you have good neighbours who could help if necessary.
My oldest I’d say maybe 15 ?
my middle one the same and my youngest is SEN so no 🤪

Maybe 11/12 for the whole day, but I'd worry about them getting bored so probably arrange for them to go to a friend's house. Holiday clubs all finish at year 6 round here, I don't know any that operate for secondary school kids.

I use babysitters to have time to myself and dates with my husband. If they are school age they will be fine with a local uni student once they get to know them.

10 minutes is fine if dropping off or collecting a parcel from a neighbour with the front door in eyesight. Nothing wrong with that. No one arranges a baby sitter every-time they hang out washing, grabs things from their car, taking the bins out and back in again and collects a parcel from next door.

I was going to say 13ish. But then I thought, what if theres an inset day or something once he starts secondary. So realistically, 11.

I think one of the issues is whether you have one or more DC. I would leave 2 or all 3 of mine together much younger than a child alone because of there is a crisis they can manage together. Alone I'd say a half day from 11, but id check in a lot. If there's more than 1 I'd leave them longer.

I can leave my ds11 for up to 3 hours but he’s a couple of years away from being able to be left all day

Minimum 14 years

My kids are 16 and 13. I’m happy to leave the 16 year old at home alone e.g looking after the dog for a night/weekend. I’ll leave them both for an hour or two to pop to the shop/airport pickups etc but I wouldn’t leave 16 yo to look after 13yo for longer periods, and definitely wouldn’t leave 13yo at home alone for longer than an hour or so.

I think it mostly depends on the child and the area you live in. We’re in a small, quiet village with lovely neighbours and both children are sensible and well behaved, with no health issues.

Lots and lots of specific factors here. My kids are 13/10 and we’ve left them home for a couple of hours here and there. I think I’d consider a longer day if I had something I really needed to do (working obvs) but my husband and I offset WFH days to avoid this issue as much as possible. Caveat that my eldest is autistic so takes a bit longer than other kids to want more independence.

I left my 10 year old at home for an hour at night recently - I was at a neighbour’s house two doors away and he didn’t want to come. He was excited until it got dark and then he called me to come back.

So… not yet here and my daughter will be 14 soon.