Dad in hospital and I haven't been a good daughter

[Blueshape]

I work very flexibly and often have weeks where I barely work at all, but when I have work it needs doing "now" iyswim.

This week has been manic, which happens rarely but I've worked everyday with meetings until 8:30 pm two days.

I've only been to see him once and I've been letting my disabled mum take a taxi to visit him, then come home to an empty house.

I've been busy, but I could have made more effort, e.g. I did make it to running club once, when I could have gone there. BF has been round every evening, albeit late, and twice he bought dinner with him. I literally ate the food he brought and went to bed 😆 , but I could have squeezed mum or dad in like I squeezed him in.

I feel drained both with work and the emotional aspect of dealing with sick old people (worse for them no doubt).

I have a day out with friends planned tomorrow and feel like I should cancel.

Parents are both saying all good, don't put yourself out for us etc, but wwyd?

This was me a few years ago. Then I got the call from mum to say dad had been taken to hospital and she didn’t think he’d survive. I had a three hour drive to get to them. That drive was incredibly painful and a lot of things became crystal clear to me. Dad pulled through, but was very poorly for the remaining years of his life. I made the effort from that point. I knew exactly how I’d have felt if I’d never seen him again after that drive.

Yes, this is parents all over. They will sacrifice their own needs and put their children first, no matter what age they are. I suspect that your dad is more unwell than you think. Parents do that too because they don't want to worry you.

Your mum is disabled, for goodness sake. She needs your help and support, and some tlc.

Go help your folks. Friends will understand if they are decent people.

I don’t understand what you want from this thread - people to agree or not agree with you? My dad was taken into hospital and I had just had an eye test with dye so I couldn’t drive. It took me five hours to get there on the train but I did it. I then stayed with my mum for the next three days while he remained in hospital and made sure she was ok (she’s not disabled) and that she ate and got rest. We saw him every day and then I went home the day after he was discharged. I also work full time. I worked remotely from their home and only had to move one meeting to accommodate his discharge timings. I would do it all again. You only get one dad. But as I say, I don’t know what you want from this thread, you don’t seem terribly bothered to have left it a week. My parents also said: “Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine.” Bollocks to that, they’re elderly and Is love them and they were more than worth the replacement bus and train nonsense to get there.

You have time for your running club, your boyfriend, your mates and your job but not your ailing parents.
How sad

What’s the point of this thread? The OP suggest some guilt but is then justifying her choices.

You obviously need to see your dad tomorrow, but couldn't you go before or after seeing your friends? You seem to be doing a lot of things ALL of which you could still do while seeing your Dad.

You know you will regret it at somepoint.
I have a sibling who is very similar. They fully focus on how everything effects them . And how they need to look after number 1 . Needless to say my parents dont bother expecting any help ever. As when they do visit its just a long rant about themselves. But if a friend needs them they drop everything for them.
And my parents have always been really supportive and kind . No childhood drama to cause it. I just think she knows she can ignore them and they will still always be there to support/help her anytime she needs it.

Is there going to be a drip feed about them being bad parents?

Did you explain to us why dad is in hospital ?

Is he dying ?

or is it a planned admission for a routine operation.

Is there no one else anywhere that can take Mum to and / or from hospital ? other family / siblings / friends / neighbours.

Boyfriend around every evening - easy to see who you prefer.

and as a grown adult do you really need to be in bed at 9pm ? as you finished work at 8.30 ate dinner and went to bed

Is it not possible to stay up later sometimes.

It's all ok tho, we reap what we sow...

Why are you asking wwyd, when posters are telling you they’d prioritise their parents, you’re doubling down on the choice you’ve made.
You have choices, if you feel comfortable in your choice to not visit your dad in hospital that’s all that matters

OH !!! you only worked until 8.30pm on TWO evenings...

And check out the 5 threads and > 90 posts @Blueshape has made in the last 24 hours! Yesterday was mumsnetting all day!

Do it or dont do it. But stop droning on about it on here.

Visiting in hospital typically goes on until 7 or 8 pm. Could you get there before then after your jolly with friends?

How long has your dad been in hospital OP?

heaven knows I know that when a situation like this has dragged on you do need to take a break

if you burn yourself out you’re ultimately good for no one

I always say if the person died tomorrow ‘would you be happy with what you have done and not feel guilty’? That’s your answer.

Exactly!

I had one hour at running club on Tuesday evening, after visiting hours, when I'd usually go three time.

I've seen BF because he came to be and brought me food when I got hike for work at 8:30, twice.

I was mostly MNetting while I sat at the hospital with him drifting in and out of sleep, but it's true I've been pretty rubbish at focusiing on work this week too.

I've just been, had an hour with him, then brought Mum home.

This. I'd go and see them but you must do things for yourself as well.

My dad died yesterday morning. I’ve been at his bedside for the last week, reading to him and keeping him company from 8am onwards, never leaving before half 6 sometimes as late as midnight.

If I’d spent his last week behaving as you did, I would not be able to live with myself.

All week. My week started by taking him in at 7am on Monday morning and then working through until 8:30pm. He's probably there another week.

You sound completely removed from your dad and mum “sick old people”. And how are you emotionally supporting them?

Do what you want but yes, you are a “bad daughter” and I would never treat my parents this way. Before my dad died he was in hospital for 2 months. I have a job, a husband and a son and went to the hospital about 5 times a week. And actually supported my mum. Since he died I don’t regret any of it, I am glad I showed my dad how much I loved him.

I'm so sorry for your loss.Bet he heard every word.💐

I am so sorry for your loss, it is heartbreaking. Take care of yourself.