What do parents typically pay for for their adult children?

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This is just me being nosey really and seeing what other people’s families are like. Question as in the title, what do your parents pay for? Ours pay for holidays, meals out and clothes for the grandchildren. If I have money when we are older I would love to treat our children and grandchildren and pay for things for them. If you’re the parent/grandparents, what do you pay for for your children? I’m on about adult children that don’t live with you. I know some grandparents pay mortgage payments and school fees! I’m not so much asking on opinions, I know peoples opinions will differ on this.

Oof, the envy is palpable 😂

It’s not envy. I’d be embarrassed to keep subbing my adult children like that, and for my elderly parents to sub me. And the emoji says all I need to know.

Me and dh get nothing from either side, and never have.
Actually dhs parents took numerous credit cards and put bills in his name when he was young and didn’t pay any of them so wracked up a nice lot of debt for him before he was an adult. Must be really nice to have any help, let alone regular help.

What's embarrassing about being kind to your family and choosing to spend your money on them?

I pity you if that's genuinely how you feel.

Oh, keep your pity to yourself. With adult children, you do your best to help them grow into self-supporting independent adults. That’s your job as a parent. Otherwise you’ve failed. Unless the adult children have special needs, of course. I’ve said presents and gifts on special occasions are all well and good.Even HMRC allows for that.

My parents pay if we go out for a meal. My mother invite me or the children out for theatre and pay the tickets once or twoce a year. I pay their tickets for Dd2 performances thrice a year though.
They often pay for childrens' winter boots or a winter coat.
That's it. I feel very lucky. They can afford it. They pay more for my sister as she has less money than me - and it's fine.

Mine pay £60,000 a year in school fees for my children

My Dad's passed away now, but he used to help me out when I needed it. I'm divorced, and when I split from my exH he said if I'm ever struggling for money then please let him know.
He paid for my dog to have vet treatment and surgery. He also paid for repairs to my unreliable car. And then when he stopped driving (due to terminal illness) he gave me his car and told me sell mine and keep the money for emergencies. He really looked after me and kept me afloat financially.

But I'm not talking about people who are dependent on their parents to survive - I'm talking about grown adults who are lucky enough to have parents who are wealthy enough to help them out with XYZ even when it's not necessary.

As an example - my mum paid for a new pair of glasses for me recently when we popped into collect them before going to lunch. I had my card out ready to pay but she stepped in and paid anyway. She didn't need to - she chose to - because she knows £500 is a much bigger percentage of my income than it is of hers.

I don't think she's "failed" me because she chose to make my life a little bit easier that time.

I help out my 3 still at home in their mid 20s by never charging them any rent to help them save for a deposit for a mortgage. If I could afford it I would help them with anything I could.
My DM and DF took us on holiday every year otherwise we wouldnt have ever been able to have one.

£500 as a one-off on essential new glasses is completely different to whole family holidays being paid for annually, as a matter of course. The latter is funding a whole lifestyle that can’t be afforded.

Nothing really either from my parents or to my children other than birthday and Christmas presents. I do put some money away yearly fir grandchildren but not a lot. I expect it depends on how wealthy parents are as I don't have much spare money and neither did my parents

£25,000 given to each child on their 18th, (not rich, saved hard). Investment top up each month, Help with petrol, holidays, clothes etc. it’s no wonder we are skint. They are really good kids though

@Grumpynan You're a very lovely and generous Mum.

I'm going to be 100% honest though - in your shoes, I'd be concerned at how reliant my adult children were on me. You're providing childcare, cooking dinner for them and your grandchildren, sometimes doing their weekly food shops.
This is well beyond the norm and their financial positions sound precarious. I hope things improve for your sake.

But...why does that matter?

If someone wants to treat their kids to a nice holiday, or a fancy dinner, or whatever, I don't understand the issue? It's their money

Get £250 for birthday and another£250 for Christmas. That's it, you are very fortunate.

Monthly standing order (quite substantial) into grandchildren’s JISA. Have always bought all the grandchildren’s shoes, winter coats, occasional clothes when they were babies/toddlers. Always pay for everyone when we go swimming and have days out. Buy food treats such as their favourite soft berries for grandchildren when visiting. Give adult's children a few thousand pounds each year to do what they want with. Think that is probably it.

I forgot to say I batch cook for adult children, spaghetti Bol, beef borginon, lasagna and moussaka etc. probably around once a fortnight now when previously x 4 meals a month.

I'm in my 60s with adult DC in their 30s.

I have never had money from my parents since I turned 18 and didn't expect it. You were expected to be a grown up and stand on your own two feet once you'd left home and were working.

Once DC left home I've not paid for anything for them, with the exception of if we go out for a meal I will probably pay, more out of habit than anything. TBH nowadays I'm retired and they are all earning good money and have more disposable income than I do.

I find it odd to think of being in my 30s with children and expecting my parents to still 'help out' financially. I would never have expected my parents to buy my children clothes or pay for holidays, or to put them through uni. That was my responsibility.

I don't yet have grandchildren, but I'd expect my 30 something offspring to have figured out whether they can financially support their own children without expecting help from the bank of Mum and Dad.

Why are you talking about it as if it's an expectation?

I can support myself. DH and I both run our own businesses and can afford our lifestyles without any input from our parents. However, my mum and dad still have a LOT more money than we do and choose to use some of it to make our lives a bit easier.

I don't expect it and if it stopped tomorrow we would just get on with things. We don't need it or struggle without it.

We get nothing apart from an odd meal here and there. This is despite them saying they have lots of income and want it spent before the tax man gets it..
However we don’t line near the In-laws and I often wonder what the sibling and grandchild who do live near may have got (free childcare for starters).
My mum had no spare cash to give. However I will now get half a house in inheritance if that counts.

Each parent can gift £3k so if you only have one child they can receive £6k in total. If you have 2 children they would each get £3k and if more than 2 children and there are 2 parents you would need to divide the amount up . This is how I understand it. Apologies if I have this wrong .

A birthday card once a year. Quite literally. My parents don’t buy presents for their children anymore as they have so many grandchildren (none of which are mine, I’m childfree). However, I’ve an adult with a job so I pay my own mortgage, bills etc

I would draw the line at regular monthly support for a mortgage or something, that isn't normal in our circles.

@distinctpossibility Yes, it would concern me if my adult children (especially when they're over 30) were reliant on me for regular monthly support to pay their bills. Short-term help after a job loss, or if they went through a relationship breakup would be fine, but long-term, I'd want them to be as financially independent as possible. I'd rather give them a lump sum to use as they wished, than cover their monthly car insurance payments, for example. Obviously if something unexpected occurred such as major illness, that would be different.

Treats are another matter, I enjoy treating both of mine :-).

This is lovely. The 1st one I read where the adult didn’t sound bitter about the lack of financial support. Restored my faith a bit 😂