What do parents typically pay for for their adult children?

[Clip123]

This is just me being nosey really and seeing what other people’s families are like. Question as in the title, what do your parents pay for? Ours pay for holidays, meals out and clothes for the grandchildren. If I have money when we are older I would love to treat our children and grandchildren and pay for things for them. If you’re the parent/grandparents, what do you pay for for your children? I’m on about adult children that don’t live with you. I know some grandparents pay mortgage payments and school fees! I’m not so much asking on opinions, I know peoples opinions will differ on this.

My parents pay for meal out (no kids, just me and dh) but they get in a strop if we try to do it. Even if we’re going out with others. It’s embarrassing. They gave us a bit of money for our wedding and house because we “don’t know how much things cost” but we didn’t actually need it because we’d budgeted within our means. Money is a contentious issue as they are always wanting to give more (despite not being wealthy) when what I really need is their respect and emotional support.

My parents paid the children's school fees and have basically gifted us most of their wealth to reduce IHT. This has amounted to hundreds of thousands and they're still gifting including to my children.

We've already started gifting to our children. I'd rather it go to them than the taxman and we have more than enough for a very good lifestyle for ourselves.

Not a penny of help since age 16. Both mine and dh families very of mindset your on your own.

Dh had to pay digs from age 14 when he had a paper round, basically them taking half, as he got older it went to a third.
Mine was pay £30 per week or find somewhere else to stay and brother was given my room as it was bigger, his room was made into guest room that i was allowed to sleep in with a very uncomfortable day bed that folded down and hurt my back, sometimes Id sleep on the couch but then I'd get shouted at for messing up the couch.

I used to get chucked out a lot for few nights/weeks at a time age 15-17 and sofa surfed with relatives and then be allowed back, then at 18 I was chucked out and went to police station to present as homeless as I knew a couple of people who also had difficulties and the police helped, i stayed in homeless accomodation for 3 months, became even skinnier as wasnt eating much, cooking was problematic there. Invited back home and charged £50 per week from there. Met DH age 19 and we both moved in together pretty quick to have our own place.

For context im mid-30's and DH is early 40's now.

There "parenting" never got any better.

I think its a big disadvantage not having parental help growing up or in midst of adult life.

This sounds nice, must make for less stressful living having generous parents - enjoy 💐

I think you have a gift budget of 3k a year before any tax is involved but it only becomes an issue if you die within 7 years of the gift - not sure though.

Mine are lovely, they can't afford loads, but they help with looking after dd, give her some lovely days out and buy her some clothes. I'd rather dd have the benefit of their time than money if it's a choice between the two.

That is unkind and neglectful parenting and must have been horrible for you. Obviously not the same thing as leaving healthy adult children to make their own way.

One of my parents gave us £5000 towards our house deposit as we were short when our mortgage offer changed.
My IL paid for our honeymoon and when they inherited from their parents have £3000 to my DH.
My DH parents brought them all a car when they passed their tests
My parents gave me £1000 towards my first car
My Mum is probably the one that helps us the most now we are adults with children of our own. She pays my son’s school transport costs, and try’s to even it up with the other children to the same amount by buying them bits and pieces.
She also opened them up a bank account when they were born and puts a small amount each month into it for when they go to uni etc

She pays for food for me, kids shoes and coats, if I need any coats or shoes. Toiletries. She bought me a new bed recently. Travel money to get to hers. Spend for the boys in the summer holidays.
She recognises she is part of the generation who were able to save and now I’m struggling with the cost of living and low wages like so many.

My parents are very generous my in-laws are not. Neither live lavish lifestyles and both have similar financial situations. They are nice people but they didn’t spend their money on anything but themselves. So no surprise they didn’t change as GP’s

What I genuinely see if my folks have has so much more joy out of myself and my sisters than in-laws ever seem to have has from my DW and again that has translated as GP”s.

What is the greatest gift from my folks is knowing that if ever the shit hit the fan in my life that they would be there as a backstop for myself and my sisters. My DW is on her own. She is aware of this. We had a little bump and nearly lost or house my folks covered the mortgage no stress for a few months.

The meals and treats are great but I hope to be able to provide the same security for my boys and my sisters children if they ever need it .

I only have the one so I can afford to treat help him out quite a bit

i invite them out for a meal 3-4 times a year
i see my son most weeks even if it’s just in passing and we chat on the phone regularly

if him and his partner are going on holiday I will give them a few hundred quid spending money

ive paid for my son & his partner to come on holiday with us last year

before my son met his partner we would normally have a holiday together that I would pay for and have been to Vegas Miami Thailand California and other countries

my sons had a huge deposit for his house and car via an inheritance

I also give my son 100 a month to treat himself and I pay for his car insurance

I often give him money towards say a big unexpected car bill so if it’s 1k I will give him 700 towards it

Im Contributing around 10k for their wedding

Christmas time I normally get them a joint present for there house and smaller stuff

I can’t get my mind around parents paying for holidays for their adult offspring. I’ve never heard of that. My parents don’t ever eat out, so who pays wouldn’t arise. They have given occasional sums of money to their adult grandchildren, though. My DH never received a penny from his parents and he finds my attitude about wanting to give some support to our adult children completely wrong.

My parents are in their 80s. They give all children and grandchildren £1000 each for Christmas (5 gifts).

House deposit, but not really anything else, although house deposit was a big one.

Meals out a few times a year. They gave us some money towards a flat deposit and for our wedding, but never had regular money from my parents. I wouldn’t want it anyway as then I’d feel
obliged to them!

Oh and they paid for a holiday house last year, first time ever. But it was so cramped and run down; won’t be doing that again.

I’m sorry but your son sounds like a complete brat! “Moaning about dog insurance” indeed! He shouldn’t have got a dog if he couldn’t afford to look after it, and he certainly shouldn’t be relying on his parents to fund it. You already pay for SOOO much. Maybe let him stand on his own two feet in this instance, and fund his own dog?

Mine no longer live at home but when they did they paid rent. When we go on holiday we all pay for ourselves but we will usually treat them a couple times whilst there. Going out for a meal we often treat but we tell them in advance. Drinks/ coffee I’ll pay.

Mine paid for nothing (but my parents weren’t well off). I paid for accommodation for my kids at university (they took a loan for the fees). I take them out for meals and insist I pay. I also bought them both a 3 months travel card when they first moved out and they still have access to my family uber account (they have their own too) as I never want them to feel they are stuck somewhere late at night and can’t get home (neither drive at the moment).

I’ve also got a lumpsum I’ve saved up for both of them for when they want to buy a place. It’s not a huge amount but I would rather they had it when I’m alive!

My parents have been very generous over the years. I am 45. They gave me £100 a week to live on while at uni.
Years ago they gave my sister £1000 a month as her husband had a health condition. This was for three years.
They don't give as much now but they do when they can. They gave us both £20 k house deposits. Paid for our weddings. Gave us a few hundred here and there and meals out. They aren't rich but don't spend a lot. They bought my dd's uniform until she left school.
Now it varies they paid my daughters driving lessons, give the grandkids pocket money. This year gave me £1000 towards a car and paid when I scratched it on a gate post.
They buy some shopping as they love looking for bargains.
They wouldn't pay for holidays as they don't like them they are home birds but give the dc spending money and sometimes will give us some too. They would pay for coffees out but that isn't as often as it used to be. They also paid for some doors for my house, a patio and some furniture. So loads of the years. I am very very grateful.

Though one thing people find odd they don't buy is Christmas and birthday gifts. They do for dc. We all agreed one year it was one lest stress. We buy flowers for them.

Paid towards house deposit...matched what they had saved.
Dd and I enjoy short breaks together and I pay flights/ accommodation plus most meals. We live 300 miles from each other and see each other maybe every 6-8 weeks. I pay for most things.
At the end of the day she will get a lot of money when I die and I'd rather enjoy doing things with her now.

One thing I wont pay for is an OTT wedding which I consider an utter waste of money.

It's really sad if you see your parents as just "some old people." I love seeing mine. They'd treat a friend to coffee or lunch if they had less money than them or it was their birthday etc. too.

Anyway, my mum and dad are only in their early 60s (I am pushing 40), they're not "old". My grandma still treats my mum because she loves her, enjoys her company etc.

I have two in their twenties living in London on low salaries (despite Oxbridge/Masters)

I pay for a Big Shop (around £200) every time they move, and bung them a few hundred any time they are short.

I pay for each of them to have a holiday with their friends or partner every year, plus I pay for each to have a holiday with me each year (separately from each other).

I am on an above average salary but not MN six figures and am single.

edited to add, I agree with @epoissesthere is no way I am contributing to an expensive wedding as I consider it a dreadful waste of money. I have consistently encouraged them both to elope when the time comes!

This is what I don’t understand about my parents. They have paid for nothing since I was 18. Literally not a single penny.

I’m now late 40’s with a young child. I earn well so am not struggling for money however my parents are setting themselves up for an enormous IHT bill which will be well north of £1m.

They are frugal beyond belief despite having sufficient wealth to not need to be however they will end up handing £1m+ to the taxman on death which goes totally against everything they would normally stand for.

I’ve come to the conclusion that because they will never see the IHT being paid they pretend it won’t happen.

Either way I think it’s a shame they can’t think of a better way to spend their money whether that be on themselves or others rather than handing it over to the state.

In the meantime DH and I are furiously investing to ensure our DS can be provided with a private education and a mortgage free home when he grows up as that is what will make us happy and hopefully give him an excellent start to adult life. The idea that we would hoard money as an alternative simply never crosses my mind.

Not sure you needed the ‘I’m not a parent’ qualifier - that much is obvious from the rest of your comment!

Neither the OP nor any comment so far has mentioned ‘expectations’. Most people want to help out their children if and when they can, because they love them and want to make their lives easier or provide little treats they may not be able to afford themselves.

We subsidise our adult children in all sorts of ways, for which they are extremely grateful and appreciative. They work hard, save and budget with their own money, but we’re able to give them a helping hand from time to time, which is never expected nor taken for granted.

I’d rather spend money on my children while I’m here than let them struggle because of some weird ‘adulting’ principle, just so I can leave them a bit more when I’m dead!