What do parents typically pay for for their adult children?

[Clip123]

This is just me being nosey really and seeing what other people’s families are like. Question as in the title, what do your parents pay for? Ours pay for holidays, meals out and clothes for the grandchildren. If I have money when we are older I would love to treat our children and grandchildren and pay for things for them. If you’re the parent/grandparents, what do you pay for for your children? I’m on about adult children that don’t live with you. I know some grandparents pay mortgage payments and school fees! I’m not so much asking on opinions, I know peoples opinions will differ on this.

My old da paid for my car to clunk through its MOT recently! He's realised that he's not going to be spending any money now apart from on care costs and their money is already rapidly going down due to that (ma has dementia) so he'd rather it goes to me now. Fair dos, there'll be fuck all left to inherit in a couple of years at this rate. He's also paid for driving lessons for both my boys using the same logic. I'm very grateful for it all. I cover my boys' train fare when they come to see me, do an ocado shop to be delivered to them now and then always including treat foods that I know they like as well as the boring basics. I took them on holiday this year as well. My income fluctuates as I'm part self employed and I had a good run in May/June so booked us all two weeks away. I told them to enjoy it while we can - likely they'll get fuck all from me next year if things are tight, also they're both getting serious girlfriends now so even if I have a good couple of months again it won't cover a holiday for five lol.

Nothing,except token Birthday and Christmas gifts. But I don't expect to be given anything, what I would really love , is for them to take more of an Interest in our lives, and want to spend time with their grandkids.

Absolutely nothing - I have worked since I was 13 and bought my own clothes and toiletries since then.

We pay for a cleaner and a gardener for them and if we go out we pay entrance, lunch etc.
I’m not sure how this has happened as they have loads of money. My mother cleans the priests house and the brasses in the church 🙄

Heehaw!

My parents helped me through uni. Nothing since, but I know I could rely on them in an emergency.

DP's parents live in another country and (try to) pay for everything when we are there. They even offer to pay for our flights. They paid the majority of shared holidays pre-DC and give very generous gifts now.

They also paid a large deposit for DP's first house. That was before we met but provided a lot of equity for our home together. They're so so lovely and I'm very grateful, but DP's family is so different to my own that I almost feel uncomfortable sometimes.

We paid for our kids university and living expenses (in the US so it’s a lot). When DS was struggling with a significant mental health diagnosis and couldn’t work, we paid for his health insurance (also a lot).

Now that all our kids are gainfully employed in good jobs, we will still pay for dinners out.

We may try and pay for a family holiday now and again, but that will be hard to coordinate so we’ll see.

Depending on how life goes for us, we also may start trying to give them significant $$ annually so they can get more established. Depends on whether or not this government ruins the country completely.

We allowed all of them to live with us rent free so they could save.

And I’m going to set up an investment account for my soon to be born granddaughter instead of buying her nonsense, but if DD needs help with something specific, I’ll be happy to buy it for them. And if we have more grandchildren, we’ll do the same for them.

ETA neither of us got anything from our parents, we always paid for meals out with them and paid for my MIl to fly to the US to visit us. They truly had nothing except the homes they lived in and their state pensions. We were happy to treat them if we could.

Mine, very very little.

I started paying for myself from the age of 14, basics like clothes and personal items, including sanitary pads. I got a p/t job at a supermarket whilst still at school to pay for everything.

We weren’t well off, but my mother could definitely have afforded the basics. She just didn’t prioritise me. ( A nice way of describing neglect… )

Even as an adult, she found it difficult to treat me to nice things for birthdays/xmas etc, same with my children.

Oddly, I was very generous for her birthdays, Mother’s Day etc. I think I was projecting how I would have liked to be treated. Didn’t make any difference 🤷🏻‍♀️

You know the £3k limit is only an issue if you are over the inheritance tax threshold right?

My parents paid entire cost of my wedding. Dad let me borrow half cost of my first car and he paid other half. Dad gave me deposit for house. Mum looked after my DC two days a week so I could work and they went to nursery other days. Dad often sent me a cheque and said don't tell your Mother. Mum often gave me money to pay electric bills or TV licence and said don't tell your Father. They were generous to my DC too. Sadly both dead now for many years. I pay for my DC if we go out for a meal or coffee. I pay if DD and DGC come on holiday with me and DH. I give DC ice cream money every school holidays. I gift all 3 of my DC an allowance out of my surplus earnings. I gift DC £1k each per year and so does DH. I pay all 3 DC DC money to pay into their pension SIPPs. When my DC were small I really couldn't afford to give them much for birthdays or Christmas and it upset me. I made myself a promise I'd try my best to make it up to them as soon as I could. I helped DD with DGC nursery fees because they live too far away for me to care for them.

My parents bought me a fridge freezer when I got a house and a few small items but nothing else, if they had money I’m sure they would have.

Blimey there are some wealthy parents on here! When i got my Saturday job when still at school i had to buy my own clothes. My parents got us a second hand cooker and washing machine when we got married and lent us the money to get our first house rewired. They and MiL got our children standard presents at birthday and Christmas. We gave our 2 DC £5k each when we got modest inheritance from MiL and just send them about £200 each at bdays and Christmas (they live abroad). If we see them i like to try and treat them a bit but can't afford to be extravagant

Fascinating reading some of these replies.

My Mum is supported by brother & I these days to top up her only income of state pension not the other way round! 25 yrs ago she did gift us both ~£20k for house deposits though. My Dad died 16 years ago and the money from his estate paid about 50% of the place I bought when I divorced. Neither paid any day to day support since I left uni 30+ years ago.

I know DPs Mum pays into his kids ISAs monthly but not a lot else as her money is tied up in care fees.

Now exMIL used to top up treats to weekly food shop and probably still dies for exh when he has the kids. She also contributes not insignificant sums to their pocket money, school trips and I have a feeling gave exh money for a new (used) car when we divorced.

Nothing. I sort of find it gross when adults are reliant on their parents (unless they actually need it, obviously). Like what are you doing letting some old people "treat" you to dinner.

They both blew through their trust funds. I don't really give them anything anymore

I can't remember my parents ever paying anything for me after I left home. it just wasn't done

What a strange post!
"Neither paid any day to day support since I left uni 30+ years ago."

"25 yrs ago she did gift us both ~£20k for house deposits though. My Dad died 16 years ago and the money from his estate paid about 50% of the place I bought when I divorced."
What more did you want?!!

My mum paid for my student accommodation (no fees in those days), and my first wedding. Occasionally she would buy my children some clothes (talking no more than £100 per year), but not anymore.

To be honest, with her approaching her 80's, it doesn't seem right anymore, so I don't let her pay for anything for my children now, as I'm a grown-ass woman.

My sister on the other hand, she's all take take take, bleeding my mother dry - horrible woman (sister, not mum).

THIS!

Nothing.

I send birthday and Christmas gifts.

I have one adult DC living with me currently (between academic courses). One DC lived with me for a bit during med school. Another DC lived at home on and off up to three years ago. Basically, they left home at 18 for university and some have been back on and off for various reasons, but are all nearly gone. I consider that easily enough support.

Two have paid for their own weddings. Two have bought their own homes. No input from me.

Wow! Does anyone want to adopt a 44 year old? (Asking for a friend 😆)
My mum was a single mum when we were growing up and didn’t really have much spare money until I was already an adult. I worked odd Saturday jobs from when I was 14 and 1 day a week through sixth form and university. My nan and grandpa would bung my sister and I £100 at Christmas and £5 in a card for our birthdays and take us on a caravan holiday for a week every summer. Other than that nothing. I now live a plane ride away from my mum, so when she comes to stay she’ll pay for the supermarket shop a few times and will treat me to cake and coffee somewhere nice.

It blew my mind in my 30s when a colleague told me that her parents paid for her children to go to private school, and paid for her and her 4 siblings, their partners and all 9 grandchildren to go abroad every year. I think of you have the money it’s nice to treat those you love but I also feel like it shouldn’t be a routine thing and certainly not an expectation.

In some circles it’s really normal for parents to completely facilitate their dcs lives eg house deposit, money for renovations, holidays, school fees.

Absolutely nothing, and also constantly begged for money off all of us. Now we all basically pay for their care home top up.

I left home to go to uni in 85 and after that my mum paid for contact lenses (£120 a pair!) and dentist until I had a job. Nothing was offered after that, tho they probably would have helped if asked. £30-50 at xmas and birthday.

My mum has helped me a lot throughout my adulthood, she gifted me 5k towards a house deposit and is generous at bdays and Christmas.

She’s also been very generous with my dd, when dd was younger she paid for various clubs (I’m a single parent) and now DDs off to uni she is paying her accommodation.

Im very fortunate.

Nothing, from all grandparents, they get birthday present and Christmas present

My parents paid about £3k towards our wedding 17 years ago. I have also had a lump sum of £10,000 in about 2020.

They have / see the kids regularly and we tend to go halves if we are going on holiday together which obviously means they are paying for 2 of our kids essentially.

My grandma gives me £250 at Christmas and buys me a cream cake every week.

I would draw the line at regular monthly support for a mortgage or something, that isn't normal in our circles. Most of our friends have had more financial support in the form of lump sums and many have had quite a lot more childcare help, but some have less. Those who have had more have often found there are strings attached which isn't the case for me.