Have you ever smacked your child, given 2021 UK statistic?

[Tinkerbelle4]

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

I mean, to be fair, if your small child was arching their back, going stiff, kicking and flailing, and refusing to be clipped into their car seat when you had to go somewhere, would you just give up and let them out, or would you do what is essentially overpowering them using your strength, and clip them in?

Ditto with immunisations in the toddler years - would you hold them still, overpowering them while they fought to get away, or just let them not be immunised (or possibly worse, break free while the needle was in them)?

Most people, as parents, will need to use physical force to ensure their child does necessary things at least a few times, unless their child is freakishly placid and biddable.

Yeah, me too. I promised myself when I was a child that I would never do to my children what was done to me. I never hit either of them.
A friend of mind spanked her daughter and was proud of that fact.
The daughter is 22 and has a good relationship with her mother now but she had very troubled teenage years, school refusal, drugs etc and got pregnant at 16.

Immunisations I would plan and take things to help them stay calm and then I would hold them close and cuddled and keep their arms against me. So although it’s force it’s not causing harm and is supportive.

car seat. No I would not fight and overpower them. How do you even do that?! Push their tummies in?! Push the clips against their bodies?! I’ve had this situation but I would distract, use other ways to calm or take them out for a minute and try again. Surely if you’re overpowering and fighting them you’re leaving marks and bruises?

my kids are certainly no angels but I’ve never hurt them in the ways being discussed here.

I’ve seen that some parents will walk away, take a minute to catch themselves etc and I think this is the difference. Unless someone is dying (or strong risk of), there’s no situation where you should cause deliberate harm.

I’ve accidentally scratched mine once when he fell from the top of a slide and I had to catch him. It stopped him falling but I felt awful for the scratch. That was an accident when I tried to prevent wider harm. Hitting isn’t an accident. That’s deliberate harm and abuse.

I see you've never had a child who knew what was coming with an immunisation, and was determined to do whatever it took to avoid being stabbed with a needle, then. One of mine was fine, but the other resisted as a toddler and child and tried to fight no matter what you did. There was no 'keeping them calm' through careful planning or comfort - it took the strength of their large dad holding them pinned on his lap in order to do it safely.

As for car seats, again, mine were mostly fine, but at two to three, every so often they would fight being put into the car seat. You'd pop them in, they'd fight it, you'd give them a minute to calm down or even take them out and let them run around for a moment, you'd try to bribe them, or reason with them - but when you put them back in, they went straight back to being as stiff as a board and flailing. We could do that for up to an hour without them acquiescing - every single time they went back in the seat, they'd fight. It just wasn't tenable.

However, if you did just push them back by the abdomen, or by their nappy/crotch when they weren't yet potty trained, then as soon as the clip clicked into place they'd accept it and stop fighting. Never any injuries, marks, or bruises! It didn't even hurt them. It was just a very short burst of strength to push their bums back enough to click the clip into place.

I think possibly you have little experience of very difficult, incredibly stubborn children who are utterly relentless.

I think we’ve all had the small child that arches their back to avoid being clipped into the car seat. I’ve never felt the need to beat mine into submission 😂

IKR 😞

...I don't think anyone is beating their child? A PP mentioned needing to use physical force to clip them in, and I agreed that can be the case - but that's most definitely not the same thing as beating, and it's really ridiculous to try to paint it as such.

It’s all just excuses really.

my kids have been little pickles in the past and still are. But I don’t apply force in the way discussed on here. I’ve also worked with children who have complex needs and challenging behaviour. I would be fired and likely arrested if I used any of these methods or the language used.

Right, so I suppose you wouldn't immunise your kids, and you'd never drive anywhere in the car in time for appointments? As you just wouldn't use physical force to hold them still, or put them in their car seat? Hm. That doesn't sound like great parenting.

You're strawmanning and exaggerating to a ridiculous extent if you're saying (as you are) that putting your children into their car seat while they're resisting - without them being hurt at all - is 'beating them into submission'. It's laughable. And rather offensive.

Personally, I think putting your children into daycare five days a week and letting low paid workers raise them instead of yourself is far more damaging than the rare smack, but because one is normalised in society and the other isn't, and most people feel forced to do the former, I'm sure few people would agree.

But I think the difference is that there is never any need for smacking. There are always alternative ways to deal with your child. If you smack, it’s because you have lost control or because you think it’s an appropriate way to punish a child. Why else would you do it?

That exchange wasn't discussing smacking, though.

And no, I don't agree with smacking for punishment - as I've said in previous comments, I always found other methods worked better and are preferable. I don't think it's some horrendous, abhorrent thing if it happens infrequently in an otherwise stable, loving home though.

Using the word "smack" to bowdlerise the committing of violence against a child rubs me up the wrong way.

I was hit as a child. It wasn't done as a measured correction of behaviour but because sometimes my mum completely lost her temper and hit me. Whether it was pure rage, revenge, or an attempt to impose her will I don't know.

I was determined not to do the same to my own children. If you as an adult can't out-think a literal child and so have to resort to hitting them to get your way, you've failed as a parent.

Yes but my point was that it isn’t comparable to using force to restrain a child for their immunisations (although I’ve never done that either); it’s an entirely false equivalence.
Yes, smacking is socially unacceptable in a way that restraining a child to put them in a car seat isn’t. That’s because smacking is generally used as a tool to punish.

Couldn’t agree more with this.

Not smacked in temper ever but for the safety of one of my dc I’ve had to wrestle him so often I’m surprised I’ve never had a call from WWE asking me if I’d like to sign a contract with them.

Well, I was just responding to agree with what a PP said about needing to use force sometimes to get a young child to do something they need to do, like be immunised, or go into their car seat. Which was then compared to 'beating them into submission'

The only reason car seats and immunisations were even being discussed was because someone compared using force to restrain a child for those purposes as being comparable to smacking, except that one is socially acceptable and the other not. That was the point I was addressing.

Eldest is 15 and never

youngest is 12 now and I smacked him once, I was beyond exhausted and I smacked his bum/nappy when he was 2 - it was because I wasn’t coping and it achieved nothing, other than causing me a lot of guilt

Fair enough. What's socially acceptable does tend to change though. Something like putting your child into daycare I could see becoming just as frowned upon as smacking, for instance.

I just don't think it's some abhorrent, horrendous thing to do infrequently, if a child's home life is otherwise stable and loving, and the degree of wailing and gnashing of teeth over it is a little bizarre.

But perhaps that's because my experience of smacking as a child was from a loving, generally patient mother who very occasionally didn't know what else to try, and not from an angry mother who lost her temper often and tried to use it to cowe her child. I suppose our experiences shape our views.

Edit: I do wonder what you think of saying that using force for immunisations and putting children into a car seat, is comparable to 'beating into submission' though.

Oh don’t worry, i have never wailed or gnashed my teeth over smacking. I just don’t think it’s acceptable in any circumstances. I’m sure people who smack their children don’t care a jot about my opinion, but I hold it nonetheless.

If you read my last replies to you you will see what I’d do for the instances you mention. Jabs and car seats.

it was another poster who mentioned beating. Not me.

so you now know I’m a working parent and attacking me on that. Nice.

I can’t believe I’m arguing with someone about not hitting my kids 😂.

Yes, and what if those didn't work? I was pretty clear, in my comment, that I tried those things, and they didn't always work. Thank god it was a short lived phase, because it was so stressful trying to weigh up whether to just immediately overpower them and clip them in (whereupon they relaxed like magic) or spend over an hour trying to do it nicely, only to end up in the same situation.

You quoted them and agreed with them, regarding it being beating into submission.

Attacking you? No. That's just my opinion on what's healthy for children - to spend the vast majority of their waking hours with a parent in their most formative years, learning and developing, instead of being minded by a low paid, overworked nursery employee.

And no, I'm not arguing about you not hitting your kids - if you think that's what this is, your reading comprehension is sorely lacking, and there's little point engaging with you. Cheers.

Honestly the thing that has shocked me about this thread is that people who don’t believe in smacking children are being described as ‘holy’ and ‘smug’ or even dishonest… rather than it just being accepted as the normal parenting position!

I know. I really thought hitting kids was rarer in the UK.

I’ll take being called holy and smug if it means I don’t hit my kids.

Yes.