Have you ever smacked your child, given 2021 UK statistic?

[Tinkerbelle4]

Just seen this clip, not really a big fan is super nanny but was shocked to hear the UK 2021 statistic that 62% of parents had physically disciplined their child.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HXeNmtEDB/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I’m curious- do you fall into that statistic? Especially if you have children say under 16- have you ever smacked them?

Mine are older now 17 and 20 but no I have never hit them.

I think you and me of course would feel so guilty if we did. I go by the rule of "we help out" in the house, nothing major, dishwasher, feed cats, rubbish out, room tidy (his room is a riot so needs a prompt) bring the washing in, wee sister does that but im sure next year when she hits high school it will be a moan for her 🤣. I couldn't hit my weans 😪. The leather slipper over your arse threaten was enough for me in the late 80s 😬

@Cotopaxi to be fair that description is different to “running into the road.” And it is always the road, never near water, or in a car park, or towards a grumpy dog, always the road.

But I do think the objection to smacking in British and many other western cultures is mainly ideological, rather than evidential. That’s all fine, but you can see it in the ‘I don’t assault my child!’ sort of posts but then if you ask well how do you get them away from a dangerous or even inconvenient situation the answer is always to use some form of physical force or intervention, and that isn’t automatically morally any better if we’re nitpicking.

Every instance? I really worry about my memory. I was early 80s baby. I was smacked, mostly by mum, occasionally by dad, who was primary carer. Twice by a teacher when I was four. I don’t recall that but my sister does.

I don’t remember any specific detail of being smacked.

I have four children. I have not smacked them. I have got really angry. And walked away. And sworn under my breath. None of them are angels, we have a relaxed, outdoors, farm, country life.

my husband was beaten as a child within an inch of his life, again couldn’t tell you a specific incident but has the scars. Family don’t babysit, nobody does.

it’s actually my youngest who pushes the most buttons, she’s a wild card. Despite being the smallest. She’s probably given me the most headaches and stress and she is 4.

Never. Either of mine.

Never.

My son is 23 now, never smacked him in my life and never would, it’s assault.

😂😂😂 this made me chuckle because kids are so like this! That poor dog though!🫣

So you allow I assume you young child to watch Peppa pig copy behaviour and assault her due to you not liking it. Jesus Christ

Its the sheer terror it induces in you as a parent and the desperation to make your child instantly not want to do it again

I dont judge any parent in that situation its quite a primal response in the heat of a terrifying moment

Ideological?!

I’ve explained in my other post what I would do.

there’s a difference between reasonable force to protect the child in that instance. By grabbing their hand, blocking their route or wrapping them and picking up (smaller child) AND the opposite which is to hit them and cause deliberate harm, shock and punishment.

I also think that parents who hit their kids in the road situation are maybe in shock themselves and don’t know how to respond so maybe what to teach them a lesson?!

I’ve seen parents hit their kids and the anger and tension in their bodies is horrible. You can tell the kids who are regularly abused as they don’t actually care as it’s normal for them. The ones who are surprised and cry are perhaps the ones who aren’t abused as regularly.

All of it is awful IMO and should be made illegal.

no hitting is ok. But the ones with that anger in their eyes who deliberately want to harm or shock their child I think are the worst.

They might if you include UK parents with now adult children... I imagine it was much more common in the past.

In my family, my mum was often smacked as a child, she smacked me once or twice and I've never smacked my kids. If that's the general pattern and they're polling people of all ages it could be that high.

No, not needed to.

But I have really lost my shit with him twice and screamed at him - once when he was consistently not listening to a word of what I was saying over a few days and once when he took his seatbelt off while I was driving. He cried, I felt awful and apologised for losing my temper but it did have the desired effect both times. I had tried several other ways/methods beforehand re the not listening and they’d just not landed.

He’s now coming up to the teenager years so I need to find a better way to deal with not listening - I think it’ll be mostly just mirroring it back and repeating “don’t lose it, don’t fucking lose it” under my breath 😂

Yes, not proud of it. Only my eldest (ADHD), never my youngest, although I have manhandled my youngest too roughly (grabbing arm) once or twice. I’ve never SMACKED DC1 exactly, but I sort of slapped him across the back of the head once, and I have also used a pair of school shorts to whack him. The shorts, he was being absolutely hideous to DC2 and I snapped. I’ve also lost my shit at him a few times, said things I don’t mean, and manhandled him too roughy too many times. I have hated myself every time but like him, I have struggled to regulate my emotions (suspect he got his ADHD from me!).

I was never smacked as a child, and have/had a much better relationship with my parents in adulthood than my friends who were. That may be incidental.
But anyway, I parent much like my mum did, I think I turned out ok and I had a really happy childhood despite us not really having much, so it seems like a good model to follow!

I have never wanted to and never would. I really disagree with it. teaching children to solve things through physical violence is unacceptable

Nope, never. I can still remember the terror and misery I felt when my mother occasionally smacked me. I knew it was wrong even as a child. And now she denies it ever happened. I’ve pretty much lost all respect for her.

Yes, I have in the past, when they were younger. Not often, but definitely a couple of times i'd say. Eldest now 18, two younger. I also bit ds1 when he was 3, which absolutely had the desired effect in what was a very difficult and long running situation at the time.

I don't particularly feel anything about it tbph. Certainly not wracked with guilt. It was was it was, it happened, it did correct behaviour as intended at the time and we moved on. We have three very intelligent, thoughtful, happy kids who are bright, witty, caring and we have a close relationship with. So with that knowledge, I don't think i'd go back and do anything differently.

No I have never and never plan too.

just to play devils advocate though. I was smacked maybe 3 times in childhood and it’s honestly a none issue. Not traumatised and has had absolutely no negative effects. It was dished out if I really over stepped. My nanna once hit me with a rolled up newspaper and as bad as it around I find it really funny now.

It seems from this thread that the number could be correct for now as well ☹️

I have never smacked my daughter and it should be illegal in England. Imagine a thread titled 'AIBU to smack my puppy as part of his training?'. The replies would be full of outrage and yet smacking children is somehow acceptable?

No.

Never, my parents didn’t smack me either.

@tomatoplants i guess the point is that you would still use physical force. I am not saying that is the wrong thing to do, sometimes you have to. But forcibly picking up a struggling person of any age is an assault of sorts. Obviously it is sometimes justified. Restraint and denial of liberty are used in extreme circumstances for adults and even more extreme acts on occasion if the alternative is serious harm.

But you do see this sort of horror of giving a child a slap on the bum (which is what everyone I know who has smacked has done) but then pinning a child down and forcing a toothbrush in their mouth or yanking them around or pinning them in a car seat or buggy is not only accepted but encouraged.

I do think that the amount of physical force needed to remove a determined child from a situation is considerable and while that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done it does suggest to me that the issue isn’t physical force as much as smacking being outside of social norms at the moment.

I think maybe the intent is different? In your examples, the physical force is used to achieve a goal… stop them running into the road, to ensure their teeth are clean etc. Essentially things that are for their child’s own good. All the people I know who have smacked their children have done it to punish for perceived bad behaviour, or in anger because they’ve lost control of their emotions.