Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

I’ve picked my GC up from school when I’ve visited them too and have had them to stay, I was much older when they took me out on my own/had me come to stay on my own

2 of my DC (Gen Z) have already bought their own houses, p.s. and not with any help either, just worked hard from the age of 16 and saved

No my daughter is amazing 🥰

I remember living in a flat with a toilet on the outside landing (shared with other flats). We also had a tin bath in front of the fire -I'm 60 and this was the early 70s. Df's parents died before I was born and my other gps didn't do much childcare for us but they did for gc who lived in the next road. I look after my gc when essential but I still have to work.

There were definitely some awful things people went through during the war but thinking of my own GP who lost family they would of also thought what you went through/are going through is awful and comparable too x

Not for long, got my own place as soon as possible as don’t want to be seen as that stereotype of relying on parents because I was young

Ha, I should do, it’s been wonderful except in retrospect I would of waited until I met my DH to have children for their sake and mine but they are absolutely amazing so things turned out for the best, but would of loved them to have the father he is and I could enjoyed them much more too. I wasn’t the age I had my first at that was an issue at all but who I had them with. If I had one piece of advice for any young woman is it would be to chose the father of your children so carefully! Enjoy the film together! 🍿

It makes a lot of sense that you would be hyper sensitive to that assumption about young parents relying on their parents. Could it therefore make you more sensitive to perceiving entitlement from others, where maybe it doesn’t actually exist to the degree you think it does?

To answer the how old were you when you inherited question, we were 66 when DMIL died and 68 when my DM died. Our mortgage was paid off, we were relatively successful financially, so we transferred everything we inherited down a generation to our DC who really need the help. So now, 18 months later, our DC has bought a 2 up two down house in a Midlands city which will be perfect for a single person or a couple, and fine for a couple with a baby. Second baby would be the impetus to move, at which point we might flip properties with me, possibly widowed, moving to the smaller house and DC moving to our bigger place.

I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and we often didn’t have a washing machine. We had to use the launderette

Mine didn’t in the late 70s. My mum hand washed nappies - another reason to get kids potty trained long before school was even on the horizon!

Maybe, perhaps also that I have spent my whole life raising children so when I eventually get a rest I want to absolutely make the most of it 🤣 although on the other hand my DC are so non entitled and incredibly hard working that if they ever had children and stayed local I would love to help them out but know also they wouldn’t ask for more than I was comfortable providing

The term "worked hard" is obnoxious because it implies then rest of us aren't working hard.

I've worked hard since the age of 17. Still can't buy a house.

Which part of the country are you trying to buy in, what type of house, how much have you saved?

@Morningtee Which part of the country are you trying to buy in,

I won't say. I would like to buy a house between £140 and £180k.

what type of house,

Small house with driveway.

how much have you saved?

£35k to spend on a house. But savings aren't the issue - that's a common misconception. The issue is balancing monthly finances after buying a home.

You’ve done really well to save 35k, take it youve kept you’re credit clean too, made the most of LISAs etc, have you been to a mortgage broker?

@Morningtee You’ve done really well to save 35k,

Thank you.

take it youve kept you’re credit clean too,

Yes.

made the most of LISAs etc, have you been to a mortgage broker?

Yes, I save £4k into a LISA every year.

I have not been to a mortgage broker. Main issue for me would be balancing monthly finances after a house purchase - making sure money coming in is greater than money going out.

My cousin was a grandma in her mid 30s!

I’d just go to one and see what they say, owning your own home is not an easy thing to achieve but if anyone can achieve it, I think you almost certainly will, just have a chat with them to see what the options are, good luck 🍀

Some grandparents actually enjoy spending time with their granchildren (that is part of the joy of retirement!)

It’s strange as my parents are boomers although maybe 10 years younger than yours, we were skint in the 80s but by the 90s they owned a house in a really nice area, had a holiday abroad most years and had lots of savings and great pensions. They worked in working class roles, my dad was a joiner for the council. Most of my friends parents were the same tbh. Me and my partner in professional jobs and struggling to pay a holiday and couldn’t afford to live where they live now. I suppose it helped if you bought property at the right time