Wild expectations of grandparents

[Morningtee]

Just reading an article from the I paper called ‘the do’s and don’ts of grand parenting as children go back to school’ I’m sure the article was written with well meaning intent but as a Gen X I’m just increasingly shocked at some of today’s young parents expectations of grandparent role. Even a paid childminder wouldn’t put up with some of the advice in the article. I had a great relationship with my grandparents but they didn’t play the role that seems to be expected of modern grandparents which seems more about serving the needs of entitled millennial/Gen Z parents than the grandchildren. Indeed a number are quite happy to destroy the entire relationship between grandchild and grandparent if their wild expectations are not met

My grandma picked me up every day in the 80s.

Rose coloured specs- do you really want to stand there with tongs lifting sheets into the spin dryer? You can still get them, but they’re no cheaper than automatic!

Growing up my GP's were old and we visited and looked after them.
My 15yo has had the same experience - though no GP's left now.
I'm likely to be in my 70's, at least, if I become a GP. If I'm fit and well, I'd like to think I'd help.

Boomer here. We didn't have a washing machine until 1990.

I don’t know any parents who routinely/annually go on holiday leaving children with grandparents. For an overnight for the odd child-free wedding maybe. It’s definitely not a typical expectation around here

I dont want child care but I would like it of my parents showed any sort of interest in their grandchildren. They have no idea what school year they are in or hobbies they do. Thats the biggest disappointment to me. We see them about 3x a year for 2 hours each time. No contact in between.

I just find that it is those with willing support who have the most to say about other people's expectations.
If your family are helpful and respectful, you wont understand.

Here you are!

My parents left me with my grandparents for a week every year while they went away together, in the 80s! They would never do the same for us 😂, wouldn’t be any point even asking.

Maybe rose coloured to you but yes I would love a twin tub if I had the room in my kitchen whats wrong with that. Some people dont mind a little bit of inconvenience and im, dare I say , a retired boomer of 71 who hasn't any grandchildren as my daughter died of cancer when she was just 24.

I used to see a lot of it when I was a Head of Department in a school: the children would stay at the grandparents' place while the parents were away. (Our catchment had a very mixed demographic.)

I recall one parent wanting us to arrange for their child to sit their exams in another centre because the child would be at the grandparents' house whilst the parents were on holiday - they didn't realise that we could not arrange this at short notice.

Dos t look as good as my old hoover one. But thanks for the tip.

I can’t imagine going away when my child had exams! Hands up I would be like my own mum, cooking all their favourite food and trying to stop
myself asking too many questions about how the exams had gone

It was 2nd hand Hoover that my mum had. I can still remember the smell of the hot water and detergent.

She always said that it did a much better job than modern machines.

I think the key difference was that you had lots of family close by which is would have typically made things so much easier for your mum, I can see how if maybe your grandmother had been in more of a homemaker role for most of her life than it came more naturally for her to step into the supportive grandparent role and more with the skills she had developed, e.g if you’ve been taught to cook making dinner doesn't seem such a big task whereas your mum was probably bought up to want and aspire to different things and childcare was seen more of a chore than an aspirational role. The problem is people are now surprised the same women who were brought up being told not to be tied to the kitchen sink and do more than raise children … now still don’t want to be tied to the kitchen sink and child raising

About 3 hours

🤣

Nearly 80 and remember the washing ritual with the twin tub well- no thanks!

My mum did very little but that was fine as I didn’t like her anyway.
I did lots of childcare as granny and Loved it. I did feel appreciated. I cut my working hours but that was affordable for me.
I was happy my dd’s trusted me with their little ones and were happy for me to do my own thing.
Now the dgc are teenagers and don’t need childcare but they choose to text me/ spend time with me. Obviously not as much as they used to but that’s normal. I’m an additional safe person in their lives and I’m happy to be so.
The level of commitment I gave isn’t for everyone and it’s up to individual families to work out what works for them.

“I can see how if maybe your grandmother had been in more of a homemaker role for most of her life than it came more naturally for her to step into the supportive grandparent role”

I find this a massive assumtptipn. The idea that it’s a natural step - what if it wasn’t and they felt after years of taking care of everyone they still had to keep doing it?

My nan worked as a dinner lady in a school. My mum worked as a secretary.

Working class families tend to help each other out. It’s a cultural sort of a thing. My parents became more middle class and developed expectations to match 🤷‍♀️

I do have sympathy for people whose families wouldn’t help in an emergency etc or the odd pick up if parent shift worker etc

I got absolutely no help whatsoever from my parents when I had my dc. But then they were both dead, so I didn't expect it.