Couples who Hold Hands

[MrCranky]

I’m interested in other people’s views on couples who walk around holding hands.

Do you and your partner do this?

We do, but I’ve noticed that I don’t really see others doing it and wondered if we’re perceived as a bit weird.

I love to see couples holding hands whatever the age . My ex hated it and it was something I missed . But one of his problems was that he was not emotionally connected to anyone really . Struggled to hold even the DCs hands .

I think it is a lovely sign of peace and security.

It’s confirmation bias, a thread title about holding hands is bound to attract more hand holders!

Can I ask why you do it? Genuine question. Can people who have been married for 20plus years really not bear to not be touching in public? Weird

We literally never hold hands, been together almost 2 years and can only think of 3 or 4 occasions where we have - mostly in really busy places where I've been trying not to lose him in the crowd

Yes! Always hold hands if possible, obviously sometimes kids get in the way and we can’t, but if I’m not wrangling a child I’m holding my husbands hand. My ex didn’t like holding hands and it made me feel genuinely sad so when I met my husband I didn’t want to be annoying about it (ex used to say it was annoying and childish) but pretty soon we started holding hands all the time. Also always sit next to each other, not across. I like to be in close proximity to him if possible it just makes me feel happy.

I don't think it's the case that people 'can't bear not to be touching'. You wouldn't cuddle your partner at home because 'you couldn't bear not to be touching them' - you'd do it because it's nice, comforting, pleasant.

I'm not an anthropologist but it wouldn't surprise me if it's psychologically related to either or both of being held by necessity as a baby and it being comforting; and 'social grooming' back in prehistoric times when we needed to pick lice and ticks off one another for survival reasons.

You could equally ask- why is two strangers holding hands apparently triggering you so much? Can you not stand to see happy couples together- does it touch a nerve inside you?

Weird.

Hand-holders here too, or arm-linkers if we have sweaty palms.
Perhaps it depends on the area you live, I see more couples holding hands than not. I’m in quite a liberal/hippy/laidback area so see all kinds of couples holding hands, and I love seeing it.
As someone whose parents never showed each other any affection, I used to see couples holding hands or giving each other a little peck on the cheek and hope that I’d end up like them and not my parents.

My eldest stepchild told us the other day that she hopes her and her boyfriend are still like us when they’re “old” too 🙄

“Can people who have been married for 20plus years really not bear to not be touching in public? Weird”
We touch each other (appropriately!) in public because we enjoy being close to each other, just like at home. Also, good old anxiety and panic disorder means I can be quite tense if there’s lots of people around me, so my husband giving little stroke of my arm or putting his arm around me helps me feel ‘safe’ and relaxed.
Also, he’s gorgeous. I’m proud to have him on my arm 😂

Also, if DH and I are holding hands on the walk to the station, say, we might meet precisely nobody depending on time of day. So I'm not sure who we're supposed to be performing for. The trees?

I think my view may be informed by the fact that, in the main, those couples I have known who have held hands/ been demonstrative in public/ fawned over each other are the ones who are now divorced. It feels forced to me. And immature and very needy. Like a kid needs to hold their parents hand. But of course this is just my experience. We are all different.

Habit, it feels nice and we’re in love

We do it walking in the woods alone together so nothing performative about it

i don’t need someone to stop me wondering off and I don’t need to be constantly attached. It’s just nice for some people. What a strange way of looking at it

We literally can’t, despite being similar in height our arm lengths just don’t allow it comfortably! 🤣

With my partner nearly 2 years & we hold hands or he gives me his arm. Unless it’s not appropriate to do so. We are in our 50’s. My
parents still hold hands out walking & they’re married 56 years. I love it. Makes me feel content & calm.

Been married forever and still hold hands. We hook little fingers when it’s too hot to hold hands.
I really missed holding hands with my dc when they got too old and worldly, at about 8, to be holding their mum’s hand anymore so I’m very glad someone still wants to hold my hand.

That doesn’t really explain why you’ve been quite so vitriolic and, frankly, ageist about it though, does it?

You say “we are all different”, right after expressing a rather performative (how ironic!) horror at the idea that other couples might choose to conduct their relationships differently to you.

It’s a slightly curious way of demonstrating your appreciation for individual differences, isn’t it? 😂

“We’re all different” apparently comes with a small but important caveat: provided everyone is different in exactly the way I approve of.

🙄

I try sometimes but my husband lets go after about 10 seconds as he claims his hands are hot.

We do, but we have only been together a few years (widowed/divorced), whenever we see older couples holding hands we always have a looo and a knowing nod and say “second time round” but I know that’s not always true!

Yes just look at you, performing for the trees again. 😂 I’m afraid the Oak has asked me to let you know it’s thoroughly sick and tired of your Romeo and Juliet routine.

Geez, some people on this site are so jealous and miserable AF!

The OP’s question was whether she and her partner may be perceived as weird for holding hands. I answer yes, you answer no. That’s it

I saw the opposite the other week where I volunteer elderly couple holding hands
Married for 60yrs♥️

It wasn’t just a “yes” though, was it?

You said it was “performative”, that it’s apparently only acceptable for young people to do it, not older people. You were baffled as to why married couples apparently “can’t bear” not to touch each other when they’re out.

You said everyone you know who holds hands is now divorced and you described it as forced, immature, needy and childish.

That’s quite a lot of vitriol over something as harmless and insignificant as holding hands, isn’t it?

As I said, I suspect it’s touched a nerve somewhere for you, because it’s genuinely quite an unusual level of anger and judgement to have towards something so minor and innocuous.

When someone reacts that strongly to something so inconsequential, there’s often something underneath it that’s actually being triggered.

@marbIehalls ok😂

We have been together 23 years and yes we hold hands when we are out and we cuddle on the sofa on an evening when we are both home together (work schedules) we will often show affection to each other when passing each other in the house too example we are both in the kitchen he will often run his hand across my back little things and I do the same
we kiss before either one of us leaves the house too I’ve never really thought of it being strange because we have done it for so long