Adding trellis to stop neighbour intrusion

[RosesAreRed85]

I live in a 4 in a block. I'm top floor and my garden (private) is the one shown on the left of the photo, surrounded by the fence. Neighbour is beneath and the window shown is her bedroom window. Both fences are mine, previous owner paid for them and for them to be erected.

I get on well enough with downstairs neighbour however the issue is that every time I go out to the garden, she comes out and chats, for a good half hour. She's elderly and I get that she just wants to chat, I have no problem with a short chat now and then, but last time I was out there, I had a whole day free when DC was at their dads and so wanted to get cracking on the garden, she came out 5 separate times, 3 times to chat for ages and will sometimes stand watching me from her bedroom window, which is a little awkward.

I'm not sure if it would be unreaonable of me to heighten the fence a little to give me privacy? I don't want to completely block her light, just her view into my garden! I was thinking of popping a trellis on top, so that light still gets through. Maybe pop some climbing flowers on it. The taller fence that can be seen is 6ft tall, i was thinking of matching the trellis height to this. Local planning permission dictates 6ft 6 inches is the limit that you can have fences, so I don't think I would be breaking any local laws. I'm sure she will complain as she's quite fixed on how she thinks things should be, so I'm not sure if it's unreasonable of me to do this?

I've deliberately kept the trampoline to the other side of the garden so that she doesn't have that in front of her window as it would block a lot more light, and be more unpleasant to look at, than a trellis.

Why turn the sander off though? You were avoiding the situation.

”Betty, I’m really sorry, I’m in the middle of something and need to crack on. Let’s chat later”

Have you tried wearing headphones when you go into the garden? You don't have to actually have any music playing. Its more a "don't bother me" sign to others. So if someone starts to talk you just point to your headphones and then turn away and continue with what you were doing. Or combine it with a palm outstretched "barring" gesture. They will soon get the message that you don't want to talk.

Looks perfectly reasonable. It's a gentle and neighbourly way of securing privacy and security. It won't block out the light.

Definitely put up the trellis. It will be fine. Also headphones and the strategies to avoid chat as needed

A trellis will block her light, just not as much as a solid fence. It is going to be claustrophobic for her because the point is that it causes an obstruction of view.
Think you are going to have to use your words a little, large headphones, a quick chat, replace headphones seems the best way forward.

I’ve got it. What about those planters with two handles that hook onto/over the fence. You could put them all the way along with plants in that will grow to a decent height.

The thing is, I do include her. I've driven her to the local garden centre as she wanted some flowers, I've offered to get her shopping when the weather has been dreadful. I'm happy to stop and chat now and again. I have no problem in being friendly with her, and I am. I just don't want to feel like my garden is a shared garden and have to go into my garden knowing that she can come out at any time and talk talk talk.

The six foot fence perpendicular to the OPs fence also blocks the view.

If the neighbours flat ever came up for sale and I was of a mind to buy/rent it (never going to happen), I would put up a privacy screen and secure entry.

What do I do about the watching me out the window issue though?

That doesn’t sound right. Did your neighbours get planning permission to do that? I think you have 7 years to consent the building if not. Get it taken down if you can.

Being overlooked isn't the same as being constantly accosted by a neighbour every time you go out and spied on from their house!

Is that little area of planting on the right her garden?

Re the window, you knew it was there and it’s always going to be a possibility that someone will stare out of it if you are overlooked. Unless you can put up some sort or pergola or screen a few feet inside your garden so she can’t really see you from the window there’s not much you can do.

Plant a tree. We had a similar situation where one neighbour’s house window overlooked our garden. Over the years our trees have grown and now I can’t even see their window.

Am sure PPs have suggested this, but can you run some 6ft 6in trellis along her boundary a metre or so into your garden? Grow something like a clematis on there, which loses its leaves in winter, so won't darken her place in winter, and you probs won't be out in the garden so much then. Also, headphones.

People like this are very socially unaware. The type of people who stop walking on the middle of a busy pavement or supermarket, or stay at your house all day, or constantly pop in. They exist in their own little world. You have to be blunt because they don’t get hints, either they don’t register or they purposefully ignore. Trellis sounds a good compromise

A retractable screen is a fabulous idea! I'd say the width of my garden in front of her house is maybe 10/12ft? I'll go and have a look, see I can find one this length.

I had the same issue in my last place and had a washing line going across my garden about a quarter of the way down. Happened to wash a double sheet if I wanted privacy and used to sit behind it. Stopped me being watched from the window. Their garden was next to me so they could have gone there to speak to me if really persistent but generally didn't. A little gazebo could also work.

I think what you are proposing is reasonable but I am not sure it will do much to solve the problem. A trellis can be looked through and talked through. The panels suggested by PP earlier on look good, placed a bit further from the fence, and one of those benches that are boxed in on 3 sides - an arbour?

I think your neighbour is lucky to have you, you are being very considerate to her.

Even with the trellis this is mainly a social issue. Bring headphones. Take them off to chat for 5 mins then end it with a decisive "must be getting on...". Headphones back on and off you go. You don't need to wait for her to end the conversation.

How do you think she will respond to a trellis going up? She will be upset and ask you about it. You will at that point have yo explain you don't like being overlooked. She will be doubly upset - you don't like talking to her as much as she thought you did, and you chose to not even tell her but rather put up a barrier.

Just speak to her first, give her a chance. As PPs have said- hi Jean, hope you're keeping well, sorry cant chat now doing X - and then ignore her. If she persists you could write her a short letter- Jean, you are a wonderful person and I love chatting to you but I often find it hard to focus on what I am doing in the garden. I'd be really grateful if you could leave me to it if I look busy. If I don't please do say hello!

Then if you do end up putting up the trellis she will know why and you will avoid the ultimate difficult conversation. I would put some tall pot plants up personally that block the view a bit but not loads and are nice to look at. if she persists they could multiply to become a full barrier

Yes, that's her own garden. Her own back door opens up into it.

It’s so awful feeling constantly watched and your movements constantly tracked. I had a neighbour who listened for me coming home and then kept me talking for an hour every day, I was young and less confident. I used to have to try and creep round my own house! In my 30s I learnt how to say no.

I agree with this & headphones in the meantime (visible ones, not airpods) - give her a polite nod or wave, point to your headphones & turn your back on her & carry on with what you’re doing.

I think Whatever you do you are going to have to put it along most of that stretch of fence, otherwise it’s going to make you look unreasonable.
It’s nearly Autumn and the perfect time to plant shrubs.choose things you like not just fast growing ones.
Plant them spaced out along the fence.
You will get your privacy and it will be less obvious.
i would hate someone talking to me every time I went out in the garden.
i would also feel guilty if I told them not to when I knew they were lonely.
plant shrubs.