Was what he did so terrible?

[Babbyy]

A friend is a member of a sports club.

He came across the profile of one of the women from the club on a dating site. Woman is married to a committee member from the club.

Friend was worried. Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically. So, friend mentioned it to the safeguarding officer at the club. This is a woman who is best friends with dating profile woman, so he expected she'd be sympathetic to profile woman, have a quiet word and between them they'd do what needed doing (if anything) .

It turned out the profile was genuine and that the marriage had ended, although that was not public knowledge. No one was discreet about friend's "interfering" and he is now being vilified as a busy body, when all he was trying to do was make sure this woman wasn't vulnerable.

Possibly I'd have spoken to profile woman directly, but I understand why he felt it more comfortable to speak with her friend who happened to be responsible for safeguarding.

Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not. There are no child members at this club, but in line with its governing body, it still requires a safeguarding officer.

I've had close friends/family had their identity stolen, so I would do the same as your friend.

Plus it seems bizarre to me that someone would be secretive about their marriage breakdown yet posting themselves on a dating site. Surely what happened was inevitable?

Spread what around? There's nothing to see here, just an everyday story of marriage breakdown and dating apps.

You do know his internal thought processes well.

I don’t think he was wrong in what he did. People’s details do get used, and maybe he was over cautious but with decent motives

Did they fake profiles using their photos/ personal information on dating sites?

I saw Angela on a dating site. There cannot be any other reason for this except she is having a mental breakdown.

Obviously.

Is he usually this logical?

Of course you know him OP but we only have this snap shot of his behaviour which is also giving me busy body vibes.

For the first 2 things to pop into his head being 1. she's been cloned and 2. she's behaving erratically are a bit odd to me. I would automatically think she was looking for sex/an affair with another man which is way more likely. He should have just ignored it - not his business at all.

He made a mistake which may have been well intentioned but it hasn't done him any favours. It'll probably all blow over at some stage but it's not surprising that people have reacted the way they have.

I know right? What a misogynistic weirdo.

Imagine thinking you can report a woman for being unfaithful to their sports club, as if they can or should regulate women's sexual activity!

He's absolutely in the wrong and hugely overstepped.

I wonder if he would have been so interested in controlling her sexual behaviour (ethical or otherwise) if she was a man?

Either she had been cloned or was behaving erratically.

Well they obviously aren't the only possibilities.

Even if she was still married, why would being on a dating site mean that she was behaving erratically?

To go to a safeguarding lead-good grief!

I'm surprised your friends first thought when he saw the profile was that her image had been cloned. Isn't it infinity more likely that an acquaintance who he knew nothing about the personal life of was actually dating? I'm inclined to agree your friend was busy bodying, policing women's behaviour and hoping to uncover scandal. So yes, he's probably banged to rights by the reactions of the group.

Even if someone was using her photo/ personal details, that doesn’t automatically mean she’s in danger.
Anyway, how is it a matter for the safeguarding at a sports club? You would surely just approach the person themselves and tell them. She’s not a vulnerable adult or lacking capacity. I don’t buy that he was too shy to do this. It makes no sense.

yes it was so terrible. Next question

What a dick. Of course ask her directly

The 'friend' was an interfering, nosy, troublemaking busybody.

Agree completely. He might not be malicious, but what business is it of his?

Adult women don’t need acquaintances to be ‘worrying’ about them, and making their private affairs a matter of judgement and discussion. It’s absolutely none of his business.

Hopefully as his friend you might be able to point this out. It’s not that he’s gone about things ‘the wrong way’, he shouldn’t have been going about things at all!

It was you, wasn't it?

Yes, it was that bad.

But why was he speaking to someone in an official capacity about their activity outside of the club? It's nothing to do with the club or it's 'safeguarding lead'.

It's only to do with the person who went on the site. It's being a busybody because it's to do with their personal life.

He probably thought he was well intentioned but misjudged it. Anyone can sign up and look at dating apps so realistically anyone could have seen her profile and told people.
Hopefully if he sees someone else on there that he knows, he will keep schtum 😆

I do believe he thought he was doing the right thing, he saw a profile and thought she may have been cloned or hacked (which does happen). In hindsight it was probably misguided with good intentions. I'll bet if she had been cloned she would have been grateful for the heads up.

Safe guarding lead?
Taking action?
I'd never consider joining any group that thinks I might need safeguarding.
There has been no mention of vulnerabilities in the club so assuming all are responsible adults.

Thee safeguarding lead is literally just a person. Someone with no authority to act over personal activities of members.

What an awful club. Self important group of fantasists.
Your club really does not matter and you are all feeding each others egos.

100% agree and wondered the same

I’m not sure why you think the safeguarding officer was “an appropriate person”. This was not a safeguarding issue not even potentially.

What nonsense that a married woman on a dating site must be in the midst of a mental breakdown. Can he really not cope with idea that just like a man a woman might just be out looking for a shag? As it is she’s separated and completely in control of her faculties.

Honestly he needs to give his head a wobble!

“Just in case anyone thinks safeguarding is only about children, it's not” – you’re right, it’s also for adults with low IQs or severe mental health problems, or some other situation in which they lack capacity to make their own decisions. This woman is not in those categories.

This was an absolutely bizarre thing for your friend to do.

These would be so different if it was a man on there.