Changing child's surname following absent parent

[HowToLifeASafe]

Hi there,

I'm speaking to a solicitor this upcoming week to discuss changing my child's surname from my ex partners/his absent dads, to mine.

Has anyone done this? Any tips? Google says it can be quite tricky.

Thank you!

To my mind there is nothing a man can ever do before a child turns 6 weeks old that justifies babies having their names. (And I’d never ever change my own either.)

It wasnt just about how he was with the baby, I chose my engagement ring weeks before, we were in a relationship, lived together for 4 years etc. (I would have changed my name following marriage) In hindsight it was a stupid mistake, but theres not much i can say about that, as sadly I cant rewind time.

Its all very much attacking the decision I made, even more so than attacking a man who abandoned his family and left me in this position.

I was making a general comment, not specifically directed at you. Sorry if it came across that way.

Sorry, it was a more general comment because I'm getting the same messages from multiple people.

There are nights i can't sleep because I am riddled with so much regret about the decision i made, but I trusted him wholeheartedly. I made the decision less than two weeks after the birth of my baby when I was in a blissful bubble and really did not think of any consequences. I would do anything to turn back the clock.

@HowToLifeASafe
Don't be harsh on yourself - the vast majority of children in the UK are (unfortunately) still given their father's last name. I was married when my now adult kids were born and they will always have the last name as their father and bear no link to my family name which I deeply regret as I divorced. Like you, I simply didn't take the time to consider why it might not be the best idea.
Now remarried and my daughter, husband and I all db'd to share the same last name.
Not a chance I would have given my daughter my husband's last name alone.
Like you say, you live and learn.

Don’t let one decision bring you down @HowToLifeASafe

My ex was like yours. Over the mood to be a dad. Absolutely doted on the girls in the beginning. He’d paid for some fertility treatment to get us to that point. Then he walked away.

When I registered our girls he was away with the military (he got 24 hours with us). Our wedding had had to be postponed when orders changed. I gave the girls his surname expecting us to be married 16 weeks later. We never married and he never completed the form needed to be added to the birth certificate and instead of marrying 16 weeks later later he walked out 14 weeks later, then left for good 6 weeks after that.

I’ve always regretted giving the girls his name, but over the years that regret is much smaller because it’s now their name. They considered changing their names at 16 but decided not to. It’s their name and they now own it. And having a different name doesn’t change the fact I’m the person they call when they need something, or want something, or have news to share. That’s all mine.

People think there was always a red flag you ignored, but that’s not always the case.

Two days before my ex left us he cooked a three course meal for my birthday. Three of my favourite dishes. He got up with the babies and left me to have a snooze and showed me the holiday he planned to book for after our wedding.

The day before he left he asked me if I fancied the cinema the next week as his Mum would babysit or would I rather get a DVD and takeaway if it was too soon.

Then he left. Took everything, left a note and asked the welfare officer to tell me the deadline for leaving the rental house as it was in his name and that our move into military housing after our wedding was off.

Sounds like it could be fairly simple to resolve for you now though, compared to the hell some others go through.