Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

Oh dear OP, I'm afraid you've made it so much worse by engaging with the boy. You should have just told him to go away, like everyone told you. You are ruining your own holiday!

Poor kid. I can't help but think if something did happen to him the parents would be selling their story to the Sun.

Something similar happened to us once with a slightly older girl that had been left alone at the pool while her parents got pissed at the bar. Didn't see them check on her at all. Unfortunately she kept pooing in the pool, which meant the pool had to be put out of action while it was cleaned etc. The bar staff kept telling them to look after their child, and even tried to set a limit on their drinking. Everyone was pleased to see the back of those parents when they left.

OP I just want to let you know that I consider takes like the one above simplistic and very uncharitable. Like many other pps I sympathize with you; I too would struggle to ignore this poor kid, even knowing that you can't really help him and risk grief by responding. You're being kind to a neglected child, and that is fundamentally a good thing.

Put differently, no, you're not ruining your own holiday. The boy's parents are ruining your holiday by being egocentric and incompetent. I'm crossing fingers and toes that boy and parents and the whole group disappear tomorrow.

This is awful, would be slightly more understandable if you had a young child he wanted to play with but you are his entertainment! How frustrating. I would report to management that he is unsupervised.

OP - why are you still engaging with them? Ignore the kid. Report to hotel staff. Ignore the parents. Yes, child is sweet and it's not his fault but he is not your responsibility and you should not be involved with someone else's child full stop. Dodgy af.

Hopefully they will leave soon.

I agree you need to report this to a manager and or your rep...

but I'd be careful about being seen leading the child away from the pool for example and into the manager's office..
If by any chance one of the parents spotted that, they could really kick off.

Maybe fetch the manager instead and get him to come and observe for himself.
And maybe tell him, you've mentioned it to the parents but they've been unpleasant and you don't want any further involvement.

Better if the manager leads him back to his folks than either of you.

I'd also follow up with an email so it can't be ignored.

Poor little boy... that’s heartbreaking for him. Some parents do not deserve children…! 😤

Both of his parents are at fault, not just the mother. Sorry for being bossy, but here I go…!

You should speak very firmly to the mother (but not within earshot of the poor boy). If that doesn’t work, your husband should speak extremely firmly (but again not within earshot of the poor child). If it continues, go to hotel management and explain that you are rightly worried about this very young boy’s safety and his parents’ lack of care… If management doesn’t sort it out straight away, tell your rep you want to change hotels… Good luck & enjoy the rest of your well needed holiday!

Last year a young child drowned in the swimming pool at a large water park we visit. We visited the week after, and staff were on high alert, with numerous public announcements being made.

Even so, there was a family with a mother, and younger baby and a 5ish yr old. At some point, the latter was left unattended in the deep end of the pool, with arm bands. I circled round him, but didn't approach. Drew the lifeguard's attention; he got the child out of the water and took him.off to find (and sternly lecture) the parents.

You did a good thing there.
I think these warnings are much better left to the staff that work there.

Harder for the parent to argue or cast aspersions as the parent's at OPs hotel did.

Mumsnet is completely crackers. It’s completely understandable why you would feel bad for the little boy. You have repeatedly returned him to his parents. Alerted the lifeguard. You have done everything right. He’s just a kid and it’s fine to show him kindness. He’s not the problem, his parents are. Carry on as you are. Report to staff whenever he’s on his own and tell him to find his mummy when he approaches you,

Same, I honestly think that no matter what the subject or circumstance some people just want to be able to blame the OP

No, one of the group has already made a comment suggesting OPs DH has an interest in little boys (if you look upthread you’ll find the exact phrasing) so they should back away completely and leave it in the hands of the people who have authority which is the hotel staff, preferably the manager.

It’s no use feeling sorry for other peoples children if it can land you in deep shit.

I remember years and years ago,we where on holiday and I was sat at the pool edge while my dc (who where strong swimmers) where in the pool (I was keeping the closest eye on them but was 8 months pregnant and had the two younger ones with me in the buggy)

Ds had got out of the pool,walked right up to me just as I turned for a second to deal with his brother

He slipped,fell in,knocked himself out and was saved by the lifeguard (he was fine,he was about 10 at the time,hes 26 now and seems unharmed by my negligence)

It was that fast-i swear I'd turned for a second (I think i was handing his brother a drink)

I still have nightmares about it

Who in their right mind LEAVES a child unattended while they fuck off to the bar?!

Some people shouldn't breed

Listen, it's all well and good people wringing their hands and crying over this poor little boy.

I would ask you to note however, that those of us with experience of the type of people OP is dealing with have been pretty accurate in our prediction of their behaviour.

And I for one would not be risking a violent altercation in front of my own child, or my husband's reputation, for the sake of not firmly telling a child to go back to his family.

Bleeding hearts sitting behind computers aren't dealing with this type of person in real life. And they won't be there to help if it all kicks off.

Yes but OP hasn’t invited him to sit on her husbands lap. She’s redirected him at every turn apart from once while he was alone in the pool and she didn’t feel safe leaving him because her husband wasn’t even there. AND she tried to get the lifeguard to intervene and the horrible man hadn’t even said it at that point.

She’s done nothing wrong by being nice to the little boy. She can still continue to send him back to his parents or report to staff if he approaches again. It’s just ridiculous to respond and be like ‘oh you were nice to him again, well this is all on you now, your husbands going to accused of being a paedo because of your actions.’

No, this isn’t OPs fault. It’s his families fault. OP has shown him a small bit of kindness whilst doing her best to make his family/staff take responsibility for him. No need to give her a hard time at all

Could you ask the resort to make an announcement on the tannoy:

'To the CF mother who can't be arsed to parent her little boy please report to reception immediately.'

I haven’t given OP a hard time.

I haven’t said this is OPs fault. Or her husband’s.

You said “She’s done nothing wrong” and yet they still made a comment about her husband and his ‘interest in boys’. This is why she needs to involve other people, the people who have legal protection around them which is at the moment the hotel staff. They are the only ones.

‘Feeling sorry for a small boy’ could land her and her husband in a lot of trouble. This is their holiday, it is appropriate to let the staff know about anything they are worried about.

Not one hotel when presented with ‘hey, there’s a small boy who isn’t being looked after by his parents and goes in the pool by himself and tries to play with us and his dad said my husband is too interested in him’ will say ‘oh it’s fine, just have a little game of throwing goggles at each other for a while’. They will say ‘which boy? Point him out to us’. Everyone has a responsibility to make sure children are safe, but that responsibility means ‘tell someone in authority who can actually do something about it’.

Taking the child to the nearest member of staff is not putting them at risk though. It's handing the responsibility to a responsible person.

Where did I say otherwise???

Absolutely this.

Tell the parents they are crap and to look after their own kid. Whilst he is lovely, he’s not your responsibility. Make hotel staff aware

And OP is facilitating them. Thereby ruining her own holiday.

I’d be abit more firm and go to the tour rep and report it as a safeguarding issue as she’s being neglectful as well as him being unsupervised. Also point out she doesn’t know you from Adam. You are a stranger to her. Thankfully you are a stand up considerate person but she could do this with anyone as she clearly doesn’t give a monkeys. This women has significant problems.

The Op is not going to get the result MN want by badgering the staff to death.

MN want the tour guide, hotel staff, wherever, to gasp in outrage and go and deal with the woman in a manner that leaves her humbled and chastened and the OP free to enjoy her holiday. It ain’t gonna happen. They’ll just smile weakly and carry on with their shift.

Poor kid, he’s getting zero attention from his family and the Mum has the CF to send him to an unknown person ie a stranger so she can get drunk and goodness knows what else. Very odd he picks an adult female to play with and not another child, you were kind and he latched on.

Sadly for your own mh and having a well earned break be firm and ignore him, at most walk him back over to his family and ensure they are in no doubt you are with your own family and not his caretaker. Advise the hotel staff also, very likely a safeguarding issue but that’s for them to think about. I would also be very keen to have a word with the Mum and tell her how bl**dy lucky she is to have a child. You have no idea what some people go through to have a child and some come out with none after suffering the worst of nightmares. Doubt she’d bat an eyelid.

If all else fails aim to introduce him to other kids a similar age to him where they’re playing, is there a kids club?
Feel sorry for kids like this.