Holiday mum keeps sending her son over to us repeatedly

[ItsPriya]

Currently on holiday - 2 week AI with husband and teenage daughter. Had a really busy year and was really looking forward to downtime and just recharging with the 3 of us.
On the second day was relaxing by the pool when a little boy about 4yo dropped his goggles near my lounger. Threw them into the pool for him, he threw them back and we had a little game of catch with them. Really sweet kid, thought no more of it.
Went to the buffet that night and the boy appeared at my feet as I was getting my food, started pulling at my arm, hanging off me whining "play with me" and asking me to go outside with him to play?!
My daughter came up to me and said she'd been passing his parents table and heard the mum say "he's whinging because hes tired, I told him to go play with that woman from earlier." Laughing and drinking while I'm trying to get my food and stop her kid from getting lost or hurt.
Went to sit down, said "I'm eating now, so go back to Mummy." Watched him go back over, his mum looked really annoyed, said something to him and he came back!
He said "my mum said I can sit with you until you're done then we can play."
Tried to eat but he was non stop, picking things up, touching things, whinging - not my child, why am I dealing with this?!
In the end DH walked him back over and firmly said we were trying to eat. Mum had the nerve to ask if our daughter had ever been a toddler.
Anyway, he harassed me at the entertainment that night to the point we left as I couldn't see his Mum so dropped him with the entertainment team. Makes DH very uncomfortable as he's very full on, climbing on our knees, wrapping his legs around us.
Breakfast this morning - he's actually waiting at the double doors and it was a repeat of the previous night. I actually suspect Mum is hiding from us.

What do I do?!

Nice bit of xenophobia there. Funny how the actual neglectful people are from the UK...

With all your tear-filling eyes, and expectations that OP pull a Nancy Drew to find out the intimate details of this child's life, you still managed to squeeze that in, huh? Impressive.

Xenophobia?
Do you even know what country I am from, you dont.
It's a fact that some places are a lot worse in protecting children and women as I'm sure you are aware too.
But go ahead, make it about whatever is you want, instead of the real issue, a little boy who is not safe!

Oh OP this broke my heart too. Poor kid and poor you. You havent done anything wrong but be an empathetic person and a good mum. Why do people have kids when they dont want to take care of them? What kind of lonely / angry boy is this little kid going to turn into. No advice, just a hug xx

The lifeguard might assume the OP was the child's parent, or maybe didn't understand what she was trying to convey. Not that this makes the situation any better. And before anyone accuses me of being xenophobic, language barriers are not unheard of in these situations.

I'd think the lifeguard is probably lost as to what is going on.
Language barrier not understanding what the Op is trying to tell him.

Hopefully Ops having a peaceful day at the waterpark.

I think you’re right. The OP said she said ‘this is an unattended child’ or something to the lifeguard. This could be really hard to understand if English isn’t your first language.

I understand the OPs trepidation because large boozy lower class groups can get pretty ugly and its best not to engage in them where possible. Have you tried going to another bar or restaurant for dinner or using another hotel pool?

I would not be willing to ‘look after’ this child. I would tell the parents and lifeguard and would tell the child to go back to their parents and not engage.

Google translate "this child is not mine and he is unattended. We are not responsible for him and are leaving him with you" into the local language and screen shot it. Every (I mean, every) time he tries to engage with you, walk him straight over to the closest hotel employee, show them the screenshot and leave him with them.

You're being ridiculous and hyperbolic talking about being brought to tears and how OP needs to take on the responsibility of reporting this to social services here, there, and everywhere.

Do you think, given the amount of children in far worse conditions than this, that someone will sweep in and save him? If so, you've lived an incredibly naive and sheltered existence.

Regardless of all that, when you strip away the nonsensical drama, the most OP can do is be firmer so that her husband doesn't get into an altercation or get accused of being a paedophile, and her family can enjoy the rest of their holiday.

If there are ongoing neglect issues in that little boy's home there will be people far better equipped to deal with it.

I dont suppose he knows which child belongs to which parents at all times or who might be looking after a child not their own. He may not have understood clearly what was being said to him. Also, he wouldn't be able to leave his post to return the child to his parents. He wasn't the right person to report this to.

Honestly, I know what the pp meant. My dad's side of the family is in an Eastern European country which is not in the EU and health and safety there is really not taken as seriously as here. The same is true for the nearby holiday area which may some day join the EU.

I agree.

And yet, it is a UK family ignoring this child.

It sounds like he may have developed an attachment problem. I have two adopted children (adults now) and they would go up to strangers - children who are securely attached tend not to do this, instead they are quite shy of people they don't know.

Poor kid. He is independently trying to get his needs met because his parents aren't there for him. This will cause him all sorts of problems growing up and make him extremely vulnerable.

But you can't fix this, OP. Those parents and friends should be ashamed.

I dont suppose he knows which child belongs to which parents at all times or who might be looking after a child not their own. So he needs to get another member of staff to look into it.
He may not have understood clearly what was being said to him. I think that's pretty obvious! Staff with such crucial jobs as this really should be able to communicate and (and I know I risk people piling on to call me Nigel Farage here) in a resort with international clientele, that should include a good standard of English.
he wouldn't be able to leave his post to return the child to his parents. The resort should be set up so there can be communication between vital staff members: a walkie-talkie for the lifeguard or similar would seem to be a good idea.
He wasn't the right person to report this to. An unattended child near water and a lifeguard. I'd absolutely expect to be able to report this to this staff member and for them to be able to do something about it. Reporting it to another staff member would mean the OP leaving the pool area and either taking the child with her, or leaving him with her own family, and there's been some discussion on here about the risks of her family being seen to be 'in charge of' this child.

Yes, I'm aware of that. I commented on my experience of teaching in a (Scottish) school upthread.

I was agreeing with the poster who suggested that health and safety is not always taken as seriously in some other countries - with reference to the hotel staff, not the feckless British parents.

ETA It was clear to me that that was the poster upthread meant. The accusation of xenophobia is ridiculous.

you sound lovely and kind, hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday and that it is nice and peaceful

Do you mind me asking, given your insight on families like these, how they rationalise/justify their behaviour to themselves? The whole way through this thread when people have said "they'll be pissed off/angry" I've been trying to work out what they could possibly be telling themselves to trigger this sort of response? I mean they clearly recognise children are annoying/hard work/ whatever as they keep trying to get rid of theirs so what is making their heads explode when faced with someone pointing this out to them?

Oh OP you sound lovely, you could never have known it would explode in this way.

But you have to be firm. Just ignore the kid if he comes over again. Don't play with him under any circumstances (and definitely don't watch him while he's in the pool). Tell him to go back to his parents.

Be very busy with headphones in and reading a book and he will soon get the message

Do you mind me asking, given your insight on families like these, how they rationalise/justify their behaviour to themselves? The whole way through this thread when people have said "they'll be pissed off/angry" I've been trying to work out what they could possibly be telling themselves to trigger this sort of response? I mean they clearly recognise children are annoying/hard work/ whatever as they keep trying to get rid of theirs so what is making their heads explode when faced with someone pointing this out to them?

@PieBear

Lord knows. Based on my interaction with similar folk when I was working in schools, there seems to be a mindset that the world owes them.

If they're working, they've paid their taxes so are entitled to this, that and the next thing.

If they're on holiday, they're entitled to their holiday without being 'pestered' by their own children. No one has the right to tell them otherwise.

If they're not working, they're entitled to this, that and the next thing.

The world owes them; they don't owe anyone anything.

I saw a little bit of this in my own family. One of the children needed speech therapy. (He's doing fine now, no thanks to the parents.)

The therapist gave the parents exercises to do at home with their son. My cousin [as he proudly recounted later]: "Is that no your job?!"

Holy Shit !
I’d be treading very carefully from now on .
As much as it goes against your kind nature you absolutely cannot interact with this little boy again .
If he approaches walk away , be busy.
These people are dangerous.

That's not an attachment 'problem' that's a basic need.

At best, this is a lonely boy of lazy parents who is trying to get a bit of attention elsewhere

At worst, the parents are more sinister than lazy and are seriously neglectful and potentially abusive.

At the VERY worst (and unlikely), the boy is being deliberately palmed off so that someone else can take responsibility if he comes to harm or if he has already come to harm.

None of them are good and as confrontational as they sound, you are just going to have to keep repeating, with a smile, "we don't want to be responsible for a small child" over and over.

I think its a bit weird you went and found them to say you were going. I would have just said to the wee lad we are going, go back to your mum now.